Re: esteem-building praise causes grades to sink further

On Wed, 7 Mar 2007 18:36:01 -0600, "Jim Weeks" <jweeks@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:


"J. Hugh Sullivan" <Eagle@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:45eee833.14493290@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Wed, 07 Mar 2007 07:00:26 -0600, Tony Rice <rtphokie@xxxxxxxxx>
wrote:

If you've got a smart kid (or were a smart kid) this article will have you
nodding you head. If you've got a smart kid who just wont apply themself
you'll strain your neck nodding.

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/index1.html

Too much praise results in a person thinking he has to make very
little effort to succeed - one day there comes a rude awakening. It's
usually when the other guy got the promotion.

Praising a person who doesn't deserve it to improve his self-esteem is
even worse.

Act like excellence is what is expected and success will usually
follow.

If he won't apply himself why does he have $150 tennis shoes, several
game boxes and get to watch TV for hours a day. You shouldn't reward
them for not making the effort, you should penalize them.

Hugh

struggling with this right now with my 5th grader.. he's been told by all
his teachers and by the system that he is above average, he reads at a 7th
grade level, he teaches his 8th grade sister how to do math.. yet over the
course of the year his grades have steadily slipped.

We (his mother and I) praise him for his effort when its due and provide
significant negative reinforcement when that effort starts to slip.. and he
responds just enough to bounce his grades back up, then its consistently
right back to the apathetic attitude.. the teachers send us notes saying "
he's so smart, he just doesnt' apply himself".. we having a pretty tough
time motivating him to consistently stay on top of this..

ideas..

jpw

My mother and father didn't have the answers either. I look back and
question what I would have done with a kid like me.

My best friend was straight A before college and a Phi Beta Kappa at
Ga Tech - later a PhD. He was not a braggart or competitive - that was
my downfall. I always needed a challenge - still do (but don't respond
as well now).

What is his carrot - what is he willing to work for that he might not
otherwise get?

That he is not performing to his ability level is for you to know -
not him. We don't ever need to start believing our press clippings -
we need to remain hungry.

One d-i-l (Magna Cum Laude at Vandy) was holding numbers cards for
their 4th grader to add. The cards were visible to him until he got
the answer. I started flashing the cards and that got him interested.
It was the way we were taught aircraft recognition in WWII - show the
picture for 1/10 of a second..

The problem is that it takes a lot of time and inventiveness on the
part of the parents. Once you have kids the first priority is to earn
a living - next you have to change the way you enjoy life. You can no
longer be selfish with your time.

I fished, hunted, coached, helped with homework, was a Scout Leader,
visited one in college and the other in the AF often. Our "kids" are
successful now and we are still very close. If there is a secret it's
being close but not too close - it's discipline, but them always
knowing that you love them regardless. They need to know where "home"
really is.

There is no pat answer - they just have to be the focus of your life
for the 18 years they are there so they will continue to be for your
next 40-50 years.

Spare the rod and spoil the child - but the rod is for the back of a
fool.

If you're interested enough to ask you're on the right track.

Hugh
.

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