Man, I was a BAD student!

I can't sleep (it's 3:39 AM) and I wanted to chat a bit about my past
as a special education student at Pueblo Elementary School (and later,
Cocopah Middle School). I was a bad student. Let's face it: I got in
more trouble than anyone else, even in my special ed classroom.

I entered special ed in late-1986 after telling my 4th grade teacher,
Mrs. Eckman, to "go to hell, you stupid bitch!" My mom was worried that
I was constantly acting up in class -- we had just moved -- and she was
right. I hated my new school, hated moving away from all of my friends,
and I didn't really like the Scottsdale School District.

So in October of 1986 they placed me in Special Ed classes at Pueblo
Elementary. I was in Mrs. Chamberlain's classroom. They had a "level
system," whereby if I did well and didn't misbehave, I'd be given a
"Very Good, Very Good, Level 1" rating every single day. The first
"Very Good" category had to do with school work. The second "Very Good"
category had to do with behavior. Rating could range from "Very Good"
to "Good", "Fair" and then "Poor." The levels ranged from 1 to 4. "1"
meant you were very good that day. "2" meant you lost some points for
misbehavior. "3" meant you really fucked up. And "4"? No one hardly
ever got a 4 unless they had to be sent to the principal's office.

Most of the time I got "Very Good", "Very Good", "Level 1" on my daily
reports. My mom would grant me an hour of computer time if I got a good
report; half an hour if it was only "Good."; and 0 hours of computer
time if it was anything else.

I did okay in Mrs. Chamberlain's classroom throughout all of 4th grade.
I didn't really get into much trouble and was more or less a good
student. Then, in 5th grade, my teacher was Mrs. Bauer. I forget how to
spell her name but I don't really care about that right now. I'm drunk!


So anyway, Mrs. Bauer had a teacher's aide named Mr. Sherry. We always
used to tease him and call him "Sherry Coke." Ha ha! We were bad!
Anyways, I had a knack for pissing off Mr. Sherry by constantly testing
his patience. Me and Jeremy Barber really pissed him off all the time.
It was fun annoying him. Here was this tall, lanky, 26-year-old aide
and all we did was tease him. I felt sorry for him. I really did.

Part way through 6th grade I was well behaved enough to be partially
mainstreamed into the regular classroom (back in the "dark ages" of
special education, all special ed students had to ride on ridiculously
small buses, and we were separated into small classrooms with 6 to 8
students in total). I got mainstreamed into two classes: a science
class and an english class.

The science class was fun. I liked that class. Plus, there were two
really hot chicks in the class: Andrea Honig (a light brunette) and
Susan Carroll (black hair). I liked them both, and we had science labs
together because I was such a smart "nerd" and "knew all the answers."
(I was...and how could I lie to them????).

I looked forward to science class every single day I was mainstreamed.
I started liking both of them, so I wrote them love letters in the
middle of class once. They read them out loud and laughed. I felt
HORRIBLE! Remember, this was in, like, the 6th grade. I was young and
heartbroken.

So I wrote them both suicide notes based off of lyrics to Every Rose
Has Its Thorn (Poison). That was the #3 hit song in America in 1989. So
I gave Susan and Andrea the notes and they started crying. I think, in
retrospect, that was a dumb move.

My special ed teacher heard of this and removed me from the science
class. I could stay in the other class, but I had to be well behaved.

I then went clean and started acting normally again. They mainstreamed
me into more classes, until I was fully mainstreamed by the end of 6th
grade. I remember having Jackie Drinkwater (the Scottsdale mayor's
wife) as my home room teacher that year. She was cool, but strict. One
time I got into trouble for writing "***" and "***" all over the
inside of my science text book (I don't know, I was bored?). She made
me write the words "***" and "***" on the blackboard, to prove it was
my handwriting. I got suspended.

Also in 6th grade, there was this girl I really liked named Leslie
Hunter. Man, I really liked her! We were the same age (12) and even
though she had this dork of a skater boyfriend named Zack -- remember,
skating was a big thing in 1989 -- I wanted Leslie to be my girlfriend.
So I wrote love letters to Leslie, even though she had a boyfriend, and
Zack got wind of this and wanted to kick my ass!

So after school one day Zack, me and a bunch of 6th graders went across
the street from Pueblo over to some apartment buildings and started
fighting. He got me in a headlock and I said,"No Mas." So we stopped,
and not 5 minutes after the fight we were friends again. Such is 6th
grade, right?

I also had a good friend in 6th grade named Anthony Trentacoste. He was
a good guy, but somewhat of a trouble maker from time to time. He used
to say to me,"You're not a man unless you do certain things." I was
like...huh? So he told me one time to go over to the women's restroom
and pull my pants down, to "show I was a man." (Remember, this was in
6th grade, and "being a man" was important).

So I did...I think this traumatized some poor 1st or 2nd graders...and
when my special ed teacher learned of this, she was PISSED! Mr. Sherry
walked up to me outside and asked if it was "true or half true" that I
"pulled my pants down" in the women's restroom. I said "half true" and
he just nodded like I was full of *** and went back into the special
ed classroom.

I got called into the principal's office later and my mom was there.
Needless to say, she wasn't very happy with me. Her son had sunshined a
bunch of poor 1st and 2nd graders. And even though my principal liked
me at the time, he said to me that "6th grade wasn't a playground" and
"there could be real consequences if I ever did that again." So I
agreed to never pull my pants down like that again, even on a dare, and
he gave me supervised detention for a week.

My special ed teacher, however, said that I was "under her nose for
another year" and that "future mainstreaming was out of the question".
So I spent the rest of the year in special ed.

Then I went to Cocopah middle school for 7th grade. Oh wait, here is
where I get confused: Andrea and Susan were at Cocopah that year, too,
and so the story about me being in their science class together had to
happen that year as well. So I was in Larry Strong's special ed class
in 1989/1990. During one particular science class lab, we were
dissecting a frog, and I took the organs from the frog and put them in
my freezer. I wanted to freeze them for awhile and then bring them back
to my class (to impress Andrea and Susan...I guess). Well, my science
teacher (who was named Mr. Barber) was a bit mystified why I'd kept the
frog's organs. I explained to him that I wanted to see how long they
would last, and write a report about it as "extra credit". He dismissed
my extra credit idea out of hand, and told me to stop doing such
"weird" stuff.

He was an interesting fellow. He biked a lot and lifted weights. He had
a beard, was bald and let his students play Nintendo while in class
(during half hour breaks). I *** you not. Back when the NES was *the*
thing, we were allowed to play Nintendo DURING SCHOOL HOURS! We kept
the door open often, and some of the students from the regular classes
would come to the door and stare in...and wonder why the heck they
didn't get to play the NES during school hours, too?

Also during this time, I got to ride the regular bus to school. I was
still mainstreamed in my science and english classes. I started taking
a bible to school to read on the bus. I was bored. It was a 45 minute
ride. Well, one morning while riding to school I stumbled upon the part
of the bible that talks about love "being patient and kind.", etc.
There was a girl I really liked that rode the bus with me, so I started
reading the passage about love to her on the bus...in front of a jam
packed bus! All the students were laughing and pointing at her, and she
sulked in her chair in embarrassment. Man, was she embarrassed! Larry
Strong learned of this and had a chat with me...he basically said that
the way to a woman's heart is not through the bible (or some words to
that effect) and to "stop being so weird."

So after the suicide note to Andrea and Susan, Larry removed me from
both mainstream classes. I was depressed. In 8th grade, I had a new
teacher named "Mr. Gardener." Mr. G, as we called him, was a fairly
overweight fellow who really wasn't cut out for the job of special ed
teacher. We tested his patience constantly.

One time I asked him if I could use the restroom. I then left school
entirely and walked home. My mom found out and took me back to school.
The assistant principal was pissed at me too, and so I flipped her off,
and basically told her to "*** off." This got me suspended for awhile.


Another time I brought a knife to school (to impress Andrea and Susan,
I guess), but the security guard found out, confiscated the knife and I
was suspended yet again. To make matters worse, it was my brother's
butterfly knife and he was pissed, too. He didn't get it back for about
two weeks.

After I left school that one day, I got put on "Focus", which was like
being put on Level 4 in Mrs. Chamberlain's class. Basically, I had to
stay in the classroom all day and couldn't have breaks. My teacher also
had to walk me to the restroom, to the nurse's office, and everywhere
else I had to go. He didn't trust me.

Finally, I had had enough and started mouthing off to Mr. Gardner. I
told him to "*** off" one day, just out of the blue. He got really
angry, called the assistant principal, who I also told to "*** off"
(yet again) and then Mrs. Oswald got really pissed. She called my
mother, they had a conference with me and the superintendant of the
Scottsdale schools, and they basically agreed I couldn't go to school
in their district for awhile (how long was yet to be determined).

Then I got placed in a residential treatment center called "San Pablo."
It was an all male treatment center where you couldn't leave, you were
placed (again) on a type of level system (this time based on medevil
knight rankings like "Neophyte", "Page", "Squire" and "Knight") and you
had to spend at least 11 months to over a year there.

The staff members also had the right to put you "on report" (basically
like "Focus" or "Level 4" in the public school system) and you could
lose your privelages at any time (such as listening to the radio,
watching t.v., etc.). If a person was "on report," they had to be voted
back up to "Neophyte" by their peers. It was democratic and you needed
a majority to get off report. And if you really pissed your peers off,
they could vote you down and you'd have to stay "on report" for another
two weeks. Which happened to me A LOT!

While at San Pablo (which I hated with a passion), I got physcially
restrained at least twice (once for turning up the thermostat?????) and
threw chairs, boxes and other objects out windows (breaking them). I
smashed flower plants, spit on staff members while they weren't looking
and basically acted like a real jerk.

One time I got sent outside of the dinner hall for goofing off during
dinner (you had to sit in order of "rank" at the table, with "Knights"
and "Squires" at the front of the table, and "Pages" and "Neophytes"
near the end). I had made friends with this dude named Grazier. He was
a real piece of artwork. He liked to smooth talk the female staff
members, and also to hop fences to make out with his girlfriend (which
also got him placed "on report"). We had a fun time mocking the "San
Pablo Pledge" (which we had to recite at the opening and closing of
meals).

Grazier and I were goofing off, and they kicked me out of the dining
hall. Shelly Shauburger, one of the staff members, looked out the
window and saw me eating out there. Well, I got bored out there by
myself and started masterbating, just for the hell of it, right? I was
15 at the time and bored. So I started jacking off while I ate my meal.
Shelly saw this, I got in trouble (placed on report, as I recall) and
had a long conversation with the headmaster and my therapist about it.
They weren't really happy.

Other memories of San Pablo:

There was this really, somewhat mean, staff member named Paul Faber. He
worked on the night shift and would wake up people from time to time at
all hours of the night to tidy up their rooms, or clean the restroom if
it was dirty. He was an ex-army guy and a real ***. Everyone hated
him. He talked down to the students, physically assaulted some of them
(e.g. going beyond just physically restraining them...he actually tried
to hurt them) and basically made life a living hell for anyone who
crossed him. They eventually fired his ass and replaced him with a guy
obsessed with dirt, and how everything should be "clean as a whistle".

Another staff member, who was african american, was named Tony and I
used to make jokes to other students about his "floppy ears." I also
called him "squeaky." I don't know why. It was just a funny nickname I
had for him. I also called him "Tone-Loc", like the ex-rapper. One time
he got really pissed at me, because I was goofing off during work
skills (see below) and he sat me down and started bitching at me for
goofing off so much and not getting any work done. Well, he was right.
He then quit a few days later for unknown reasons.

There was another staff member named Kevin who claimed to have tried
out for the Los Angeles Lakers. We had good conversations about the
Lakers and Suns. I always was impressed that he worked out with Magic
Johnson, so I used to ask him his age all the time. His reply? "I'm 35,
45 or 55. Take your pick." I also had interesting nicknames for him,
namely "Kev-Bev" and "Bobby Brown." He also quit mysteriously one
night, claiming he was "tired of this ***." There was another time, a
few months before he quit, that I started mouthing off to him and using
all manners of negative words to piss him off. He came into my room and
said,"Do you want to dance, motherfucker?" I said no, he nodded and
said for me to "behave, for christ sake!" I did.

Then there was this student with a protruding forehead named
"Fecke-Stout". He never called him by his first name...just his last
name. Well, I liked pissing him off, so I started calling him
"Freckle-Snout" and "Cro-magnon Man." He didn't like this, so one day I
started grilling into him again with the name calling, and he literally
started spazzing out in front of a staff membe (named Chuck). Chuck was
a really cool guy, and it took a lot for him to ever physically
restrain anybody, but this time Freckle-Snout really spazzed out so
badly that he had to restrain him. Freckle-Snout never forgave me for
any of that.

Then there was this other student named Jay Jones who used to tease
everybody (including me), but I think he was just insecure about his
gender (because he wore blush, pale lipstick and seemed confused?).
Anyway, whenever I got put on report he called me "Knave" (which was
slang for "on report"). He used to write down on a piece of paper
"Knave" and would slap it onto my back and laugh really hard.

One day during school hours, Jay mouthed off to one of the teachers,
who had all circled around him on the playground. Apparently, he was
being defiant and wouldn't do as they said (in regards to an order they
gave him). So he told them to "*** off" and they all physically
restrained him right there, on the spot. Me and a bunch of friends
laughed at him, but he never forgave us for that, either.

We all called him "Gay Jones" because, well, he SEEMED gay. Anyway, Jay
Jones eventually got booted out of San Pablo for an incident that
happened with another student in the men's bathroom. Remember, San
Pablo was an uber-religious school and homosexual behavior of any kind
was especially NOT tolerated.

We had this teacher named Mike who was pretty chubby, had a beard, and
taught math. He was a pretty reasonable guy, for the most part, but he
had his limits, too. I used to goof off in math class because I hated
it so much, so naturally I got sent outside a lot. I used to make faces
in the window and get a reaction out of the students, so one day he
just walks outside and says (flat out),"Paul, if you get up again and
make a face, I'm going to have to restrain you." I stopped.

Another time, Mike was teaching class and another student had his head
down on the desk. I guess he was depressed about something. Well, Mike
didn't like this, so he SLAMMED the poor kid against the wall and sat
on him, in full view of everybody. My opinion of Mike suddenly
plummeted (plus, he was a Portland Trailblazers fan, and I liked the
Phoenix Suns...in 1990 that was a bad combination).

Mike also saw another student acting up one time (he was fat, liked
Cheetos...plus, he was fat) and he started yelling at another student
who called him "Flubber" (or words to that effect). He started
screaming at the kid, yelling,"C'mon! C'mon!" and looked, well, really
fucking pissed off, like he was going to dismantle the poor guy.

Mike comes running, slams "Flubber" to the ground, and sits on him,
again, in full view of all the teachers and the students.

Eventually, Mike had to resign/quit for unknown reasons. He was a good
teacher, but short tempered.

Another time, Shelly Shauberger and I were walking to the dorm rooms
and I started goofing off and making wierd noises (for whatever
reason). Finally, as we near the door to the dorm room, he turns around
and says,"Paul, if you goof off again, I'm going to have to take
control of you." Now, when you're 15, it's a bit unclear what that
meant. Yeah, I knew what "restrain" meant, but not "take control of."
His words, not mine.

So, naturally, I figure it's a bit cold in the dorm hallway (it was
around November during this time) and so I turned the thermostat...up.
He must have seen this, becauise not 15 seconds later, as I was in the
kitchen to mop the floor, he just tackles me from behind and gets right
on top of me with this really pissed off look on his face. He yells,
and I remember this clearly,"DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT!"

Most people got physically restrained for being physically out of
control. On that particular day, I got physically restrained for
adjusting the thermostat.

Well, right as he let me up, I started (naturally) cussing at him,
saying all sorts of nasty things to him (f-words galore...I left no
stone unturned). Then he said,"Oh, we're not finished yet, are we?" I
finally relented, and as other staff members entered the room, I got
up, but kept my anger inside for a moment.

Then I saw a psychologist staff member who I didn't particularly like,
and while carrying the mop, thrust it into his belly fairly hard.
Obviously, this WAS a reason to be physically restrained, and so Shelly
restrained me for the right reasons this time. This one I deserved, I
agree. After that, they had a long talk with me and explained that it
was assault and battery, and that the headmaster would consider filing
charges against me. But they didn't, which I was fortunate with.

After that experience, I didn't particularly speak to Shelly much, I
spit on him whenever his back was turned to me and I basically hated
his guts from there on out. Yeah, I was a bad kid.

Eventually I got discharged from San Pablo, but in the week or so
before I did, I started drawing cartoons, mocking all the staff members
and San Pablo in particular. My teacher saw it and threatened to place
me "on report." My therapist called me in and explained to me that I
could lose my right to be discharged at any time. I shaped up for a
week, and then they (finally) discharged me 13 months after entering
San Pablo in October of 1990.

After San Pablo (which I absolutely hated), I went back home and to the
regular public school. For about a year, my mom and dad both insisted
that I do "work skills" every day and to make my bed "San Pablo style"
(e.g. hospital corners, really neat, etc.). I tired of this after a few
weeks and started mouthing off to my father, whom I hated with a
passion (for other reasons).

So in 1992 or so, I got mainstreamed back into the regular classroom,
but still had to see a special ed teacher from time to time. I went to
Shadow Mountain, which was out of my school district and I had to go
there on a "variance" (basically, my mom had to pay $3000 a year for me
to go there). I wanted to go there, however, because all of my old
friends from around 1st to 3rd grade went there, including Brandon
Moore, Danny Ortega and Jason (I forget his last name...but he liked
the Detroit Lions...that I do recall).

Anyways, 9th grade started out pretty decently, and I liked Shadow
Mountain. I started liking this girl named Jenny Wilhelm. She was
blonde, tall and very pretty. I also liked her friends Cara Bilinski
and Amanda Smolenski. They were all friends with Jenny, and I liked
them because they were Jenny's friends. They all knew I had a crush on
Jenny -- hell, half of Shadow Mountain knew I had a crush on her -- and
they used to tease me whenever she walked by.

One time, while visiting a science teacher I was friends with -- who
was a former police officer, oddity of oddities -- I walked into his
class and started chatting with him DURING A LECTURE. Of course, I
*knew* Jenny Wilhelm was in this class, and Jake Mosher (who was on the
Shadow Mountain basketball team and knew I liked Jenny) interrupted the
class and pointed at her, saying,"Paul! Here's Jenny!" She laughed, was
embarrassed and I left the class. They all knew why I was there...even
the science teacher knew I liked Jenny!

Another time while at Shadow Mountain I was on the basketball court and
saw another girl I liked. I told my friend Brandon that if I made a
three-pointer, I would have to ask her out. Of course, I swished the
damn three (one of the few times I ever did, without practicing a
bunch) and they CARRIED her over to me and made me ask her out. She
said no, was embarrassed and wouldn't talk to me thereafter.

After awhile, though, I started to get really depressed that Jenny
didn't like me, and so I started acting up in classes again. This got
me into some trouble with the assistant principal -- named Bob Kopas,
who looked a lot like Sheriff Joe -- and he put me in after school
detention quite frequently. He was a no-nonsense kind of guy, and
anyone called into his office would either serve detention or be
suspended. He was a tough cookie.

I got into a few fights during my freshman year, including one time
were I just let some big guy punch me in the face repeatedly because I
was too scared to fight back (the dude was big for a freshman!) And
even though I got a bloody nose and didn't throw a single punch, Kopas
suspended me for 5 days. Figures.

Another time, Stacy Frazier -- who was a "She-Male" type of person, a
sort of big bully who wasn't female by physical definition -- and she
and I used to trade punches on the arm to see who was strongest. She
also liked the San Francisco 49ers. Well, one time I said,"Steve Young
sucks!" and she got mad and took a lock off a locker and hooked it into
the belt loop of my pants. It wouldn't come off without ripping the
belt loop off, which ruined my pants and I had to go buy new ones.

Eventually, I got so depressed that I couldn't get a date and I started
to hate Shadow Mountain. Even though I went back for my Sophomore year,
I still wanted to leave and go somewhere else. I had a couple of
classes that I didn't like, but photography wasn't one of them. I also
had a journalism class with Mrs. Jonas. I recall that we watched the
Waco broadcast on t.v. in one of her classes. She was going to put me
on the student newspaper, but learned later on that one of my papers
was plagiarized (I had taken a long quote from Paul Harvey and put it
into my paper without citing my sources). This got her really made at
me, assigned an "F" for the semester and invariably incurred my mom's
wrath (thank god she wasn't Italian, right?).

Anyways, after getting booted out of her class with an "F", I spent
more time in my photography class. I learned about 35mm photography and
the like. Well, I started liking this girl named Rae Wolf. She was a
freshman and I was a sophomore (but, against all odds, she was a real
hottie). I knew that she liked the Chicago Bulls, which was bad in
1992-93 because the Suns that year faced them in the NBA Finals and
lost. But I still wanted to go out with her even though Barkley and the
Suns blew it in 6 games. She rejected me, but we did have nice long
talks during lunch, mainly consisting of her asking me questions
like,"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" and "You've never gotten
laid???" etc. Maybe she was just bored. I don't know. Later on, I found
out she was among the few girls in my high school to get pregnant
before the age of 16.

After my sophomore year at Shadow Mountain, my mom tired of paying the
variance, knew I wasn't happy and suggested I attend school "in my own
district." This turned out to be Chaparral High School in Scottsdale. I
went there from 1993 to 1995. I really liked this chick in my english
class named Cindy Burke. I also really liked Susan Brown, Erica Klein
and Crissy Stamm (all from my geometry class). I used to ask them out
all the time. Well, they all said no.

But to impress Erica and Crissy, during my senior year, I threw a
2-kegger party at my parent's house in Paradise Valley while they were
away at The Masters in Atlanta, Georgia. They never learned about it,
not even now, but my next door neighbor did. He called the cops, they
showed up and dumped the kegs. No one was arrested. When I went to
school the next morning, everyone knew who I was (especially the
football players and cheerleaders). I became sort of popular. Then,
during economics class, I told the whole class that I threw the party
that weekend...and wasn't even there ( I was staying at my
grandparent's instead). I sort of lost my instant popularity overnight.
Although, to her credit, Crissy did write in my year book,"Paul, you
throw a good party."

Also during this time, I was taking an art class. We had a student
teacher who just so happened to be the daughter of my geometry teacher,
Mrs. Drinkwater (the cousin of my teacher from 6th grade, Jackie
Drinkwater...hmmm...not good). We teased her mericlessly. I was friends
with this female student named Katie, who was at that time dating one
of the Chaparral High's wrestlers. His name was Donnie. Donnie could be
really nice, but also really mean. He used to yell at Katie a lot, and
make her feel bad. Years later, Katie and I met up again at NAU and she
became my fiancee. Weird how things work out, huh?

Well, to pass the time during art class, Katie and I used to play paper
football. A LOT. We played it so much that we started pissing off the
student teacher, Mrs. Thompson. One time I drew a picture of the
student art teacher, wrote "fascist bitch" across her shirt and
submitted it to my regular art teacher for a class grade. Mrs. Joy (the
regular art teacher) called me in, bitched me out and demanded that I
change my class project to something more appropriate (karma works in
mysterious ways...a few years later, while bagging groceries at
Smitt's, I took her groceries to her car...she remembered me, of
course).

After high school, I attended NAU in Flagstaff. I started off by going
to Bible Study a lot (mostly to meet women). This worked for awhile,
and I really liked this one woman named Bethany Grace Kaiser. She was a
total hottie! she was half German and half norweigan, I think. But she
was hot. And she loved Jesus. That too.

Omar and Greg were friends with me and knew I liked "BGK" (as they
called her). I went out on a date once with Bethany and I bought her
$40 roses and a vase. She was impressed. At that time, I was suspended
from the NAU Safety Escort service for an unspecified violation...the
NAU Safety Escort Service was a student run organization designed to
safely escort females across the campus. I did this job well. I loved
it! But, then a "friend" of mine spread a fake rumor that I joined up
to "meet a chick" and they suspended me. Bethany asked me about it, but
I told her it wasn't true and that I genuinely liked the work. The
director of the NAU Escort Service eventually reinstated me after a few
weeks, but the damage was already done. I quit following the 1996-97
semester.

I didn't have so much as date from 1995 to 2000. I was depressed. I
didn't really enjoy my time in college, and my grades were just so-so.
I also was afraid of AIDS for an entire semester, and liked this
barista chick named Denise Stevens. Denise was blonde, a real hottie
and we had something in common...she, too, liked Voltron as a youth! We
played board games, chatted a lot at the barista place in the NAU
student union and I wrote poetry to her on occasion, which she liked.
But then I asked her out a few times, and she stopped talking to me. Go
figure. Then I wrote her this really long email about how I "loved her"
and that she "made the best Single Mocha at Java Jacks."

I also started writing poetry on napkins and giving them to random
women in the dining hall. My friends, Greg and Omar, encouraged this,
because sometimes the women would come up to me and say that it was
"sweet" and "lovely." I did this for awhile, until it got me kicked out
of one of the dining halls (in an unrelated note, one of my roommates
during this time, Brandon, got kicked out of the dining halls for
stealing food and hauling it away in his backpack after meals...such
was the result of going to an "all you can eat" dining hall).

These and other antics got me placed on academic and university hall
probation for a semester.

One time while out partying with my friends Omar and Greg, I got a
really uneasy feeling while at the party and just left. I later went to
a movie (???) at around 10:00 p.m. and it was "Saving Private Ryan."
The woman at the ticket counter warned me it was bloody. I didn't
believe her, sat through the first 20 minutes, but when walked out. I
was disgusted. And she was right, too.

Another memory I have from college: walking through the Cavalry
Cemetary and praying constantly to a statue of Jesus and Mary. I once
saw a man who just disappeared completely; he wore a trenchcoat and
smoked. Weird, huh?

Then another time, while going to Campus Coffee Bean, I used to listen
to the bands a lot, and there was a really hot chick who played the
guitar. She left a "tips" jar in front of the stage. But in this case,
instead of leaving tips, I left love notes to her. She must have
noticed this one time, because after I left my umteenth love note to
her, she smiled and waved to me as I walked out.

After awhile, though, I became depressed again and started ditching all
of my classes. One time a professor, who was Italian, just grabbed me
by the arm and yelled,"You're doing everything you can to really ***
up in my class, you know that?" I got a "D" in Mr. Degher's class.

Eventually Katie, who played paper football with me in high school,
oddly ran into me during lunch one time and we chatted it up, exchanged
phone numbers (!) and then didn't talk for like a month or two. But she
called me from time to time, knowing I was good on computers, and asked
me questions about Windows. And I knew the answers. I was a nerd,
right?

Well, we started going out on dates together, and two months after that
we got engaged on Jake Plummer's birthday -- December 19th, 2000. I was
a big Jake Plummer fan and that was like the omen of omen's for me. I
bought her a $2500 engagement ring. We stayed engaged for two and a
half years. Then I broke up with her, went nuts and spent some time in
the psychiatric hospital after swallowing 1600 mg of Luvox in an
aborted suicide attempt. My mom also had to call the police because I
held a knife to my own belly and threatened to suicide right in front
of her. Yeah, I had problems. I also drove my car into a palm tree and
my parent's mailbox.

After I broke up with Katie, I lost 7 jobs in a row. Then I moved in
with my brother, but I didn't like the neighborhood all that well. I
started going out to Tempe, on Mill Avenue, and spent a lot of
time/money there. I got a job at The Coffee Plantation, started liking
a female co-worker (who wore red boots) and they fired me -- after just
4 days on the job (a record for me).

At another Job -- La Madeline's -- I gave a female co-worker $700 of my
own money because she said she needed money for her car and a trip
abroad. She rejected me, though, and my boss found out about it and
fired me a week later (she used my "failure to learn on the job" as an
excuse, but I know it had to do with me liking Jackie).

Then I got a job at Borders books near P.V. Mall. It was okay for the
first 3 weeks, but then I started not sleeping really well and
hallucinating during working hours. One time I saw a Roman Centurion
pass through the walls on horseback, chasing after me near the Info
Desk. I quit the very next day.

Now it's 5:40 A.M. and I can't remember why I started rambling on so
much...but anyways...I need to sleep.

Night.

Paul

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