Re: Deer Young'ns Fixin' To Be Married


mianderson@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
> deemsbill@xxxxxxx wrote:
> >
> > Teenage girls are notorious for being attracted to "bad boys". Many
> > tend to go for the "exciting" boys.
>
> it's more complicated than that. I don't think most of your 13-15 yo
> girls who are real catches(super attractive, A+ student, popular, etc)
> are going for the "bad boys" meaning the guy who is a threat to get
> arrested, steal cars, or deal drugs. If you mean "bad boys" as in
> older, popular, good-looking athletic guys who have sex, drink,
> etc....then yeah they will go for that. But then it all comes back to
> the definition of 'loser'. I would consider the former a high school
> 'loser', not the latter.

Any 17yo who goes out with/hits on/whatever a 13-14 yo girl is a
"loser". I don't care if he's captain of the football team or debating
society. Besides, I'm not talking about just the "real catches". I'm
talking about your average 8th-9th grade girl.

>
> It's a myth that the really attractive smart girls go for real 'losers'
> or real 'bad boys'. Never happened at my school. I think movies and
> tv play this up beyond it's actual proportion.

Probably varies with the school, but I've seen these girls go out
with thugs. Maybe just to show their parents?

>
>
> Also, since boys at that age tend
> > to be less mature than girls, teenage girls tend to be attracted to
> > older guys...and there's generally only one reason for a 17 yo guy to
> > be interested in a 13-14 yo girl.
>
> Well yeah. If I had a 13 yo daughter she isn't dating a 17 yo guy. So
> unlike Beauchamp, I wouldn't let things get to the point where I have
> to assault him for 'disrespecting'. It's been parenting to let a 13
> year old date a high school senior.

I'd say most decent parents wouldn't allow this. What about at
parties, after school, etc? Dating isn't the only applicable situation.


>
> >
> > Teenagers are quite often not prepared, intellectually and
> > emotionally, to make "adult" decisions. Part of parents' responsibility
> > is to protect them from making bad decisions that can screw up the rest
> > of their lives. The best kid, under certain circumstances, will make
> > bad/wrong decisions. Also, kids aren't necessarilly equiped to see a
> > bad situation developing and can get into things over their head before
> > they know it. Once again, it is the parents' responsibility to try and
> > limit these situations as much as possible.
> > Now, should parents let their kids "fail" at times? Absolutely.
> > Still, these times will hopefully be limited to situations that will
> > not negatively effect the rest of their lives...pregnancy,
> > AIDS/herpes/genital warts, rape, etc would be included here.
>
>
> I would agree with this. The question basically comes down to- what is
> the best way to prevent a 15 yo from whoring herself out? I would
> argue that fake macho bull*** around the guys she might be whoring
> herself out to isn't likely a good option. A better option is to set
> firm but fair rules with the 15 year old daughter and to hopefully
> teach her to make good decisions. The fake macho bull*** around
> teenage guys doesn't do anything to:
>
> 1) help establish firm and clear guidelines so that the daughter can
> understand what is and what is not acceptable behavior
> 2) teach her to make good decisions
>
> If anything, it prevents 1 and 2 from happening.

These are a great start, but they don't always work. Sometimes you
might have to take it to the other parties involved. Is threeatening
best? Probably not, but sometimes emotion trumps judgement. And one
could assume that a senior boy might get a bit more responsible if this
is pointed out to him. Or maybe look for "easier" game elsewhere.

>
> Should
> > parents try to equip their kids with the means to make good decisions?
> > Absolutely. At the same time, parents should recognize that their kids
> > are...kids...and realize that all of the preparation in the world might
> > not be good enough.
>
> which is why winnard should have dealt with his daughter here....and
> not the teenage guys he took such pleasure in intimidating. I'm not
> suggesting a policy of no oversight. Instead I'm suggesting that the
> oversight needs to be of *your kid*, not someone else's kid.

True, but if there are others involved, they may need some
attention, too. There is still a lot of 'boys will be boys" attitudes
out there. Sometimes a scene is the only way to get peoples' attention.

>
>
> > I haven't commented on Winnard's actions yet. Did he over react? I
> > don't know, I wasn't there. Still, the "girl with the psycho father"
> > might get the benefit of the doubt in certain situations vs. the "girl
> > whose father doesn't give a sh*t". I've told all of my kids to dump
> > anything they're uncomfortable with on me and I'll be there to back
> > them up. If they have to face "her daddy's an a-hole" vs being seen as
> > "uncool", I'm up for it.
>
> I think that's a false dichotomy.

How so?

>
>
> > Your replies in these posts are not intellectually wrong, they're
> > just not very realistic because this isn't a simple black and white
> > situation. Parents make mistakes, but it's better to err on the side of
> > caution than to say "she can handle it" and get the midnight knock on
> > the door from the cops.
> That girl in Aruba made a stupid mistake but
> > didn't deserve to die. I don't know if her parents were good or bad,
> > but they didn't deserve to lose their daughter.
>
> I just want to point out that I don't think it is appropriate to let a
> 15 yo daughter do 'anything she wants' as long as the parent feels they
> taught her how to make good decisions. What I do believe is that it is
> much more effective to try controlling(and restricting) your own
> daughter than it is to try controlling/restricting what a potential
> pool of teenage boys will try to do with your daughter.
>
> Going back to the original post, a reference to punishment for the
> daughter was made....but one gets the sense that winnard felt a big
> part of the responsibility for his daughter's poor decisions lies with
> other teenage guys and that his intimidation of such guys will perhaps
> help solve the underlying problem. This is wrong on so many
> levels........

The responsibility for MUTUAL poor decisions lies with both. It
takes two, or three, or...... If my boys had ever treated a girl like
sh*t or had taken advantage of a younger girl, they'd answer to me.
That's not the case with many parents. Some truly think that it is the
girl's responsibility to keep these things from happening. I'm not into
violence or intimidation, but if I thought it was the only, or best,
way to protect my daughter I'd be right there.

.

Loading