Re: dog at large

On Feb 19, 3:12 pm, dar <minor_ch...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
......or how I spent my president's day.  Quite the event actually.
Real nice little Monday I developed for myself.  Didn't think I could
top the events from last Monday (in LA and Anaheim for the Drive By
Truckers/North Mississippi Allstars shows.....much fear and loathing but
that's for another post, another day...)

Anyway, like any other holiday, I went to the bass pro shop over in
northfield to pick up a shotgun and get the standard background check
that comes along with that.  No biggie - just gonna take 45 minutes to
prove I'm not a threat to kill anyone, cept for ducks, rabbits,
squirrel and turkey.  Fair enough.  Found a nice little shoulder strap
that I was gonna pick up too and some shells.  Head back up near the
counter in the gun dept. to check into a rifle I've been eyein', when
I see a police officer approach me out of the corner of my eye.  Leary
of the 'man' and knowin' I've done dumb things in my life (and still
do them as evidenced in cali last weekend), I was suspect of his
presence.  He approaches me and proposes the following:

 "mr. delay?  would you please put those purchases down right there?"
"ahhh, I wasn't gonna steal this.  gonna pay for it and pick up my gun
over there on the counter today."
"actually, I'm not worried about any of that.  Put that down and put
your hands behind your back..."
"seriously!?  What show is this?  Am I on camera?  What law have I
broken?"
(as he's cuffing me) "do you have a dog?  Did you let him off the
leash in 2004 in wash park and get a ticket you never paid?"
"yep.  That sounds about right.  Warrant out for that?
"uh huh."

So, Officer Norman escorts me out the front with much joking between
the two of us over such a silly thing.  He's actually pretty cool
about it and helps me out with a phone call to Jilly to come pick up
the car.  She'll need to catch a cab over of course and find where I
parked it in the lot, while wiping the tears from her eyes because
apparently she married a convict......and his dog.  Hard-ass outlaws the
two of us.

In our drive to the commerce city police dept., I'm informed that my
urination in public ticket is also cause for concern - missed that
court date and they'll want me to pay that too.  No problem.  should
be out in a couple of hours, or so Off. Norman tells me.  They escort
me from commerce city to the clink downtown.  this all started around
3:15pm.  Arrive to City and make some friends rather quickly.
Patrick, steve chavez (aka chavez), bouchez (something French-ish),
and a couple other duders. Having experienced something familiar back
in 1993, I'm handling myself like a regular. Hold out on the meal
offering as I know that Jilly should have the car by now and is
probably waiting for them to tell her what the bail bond is.  Sit
tight dar and this'll all be over shortly.  Worse case, you'll have to
say goodbye to some of your new friends.  Ironically, I'm wearing my
"who can resist a high five" t-shirt and I get not a single up-top.
Apparently, the men in blue have no problems with resistance and the
high-five.

One cell to the next, never moving more than 10-15 feet in discovering
my new address.  In fact, I think I might even be the most popular
duder on the block as everyone is getting a kick out of my story and
terribly dumb luck.  Clearly, I'm still a threat cause I had the
intention of gettin' two guns on the day and I urinate recklessly, as
does Crash.  He was still holed up in the house, layin' low and
keepin' his *** right.  Myself, I had high hopes of gettin' polluted
later that night and this through a kink into those plans.  Two
hours....that's all this can take.  It's a Monday and a holiday - what
can people possibly do to get in trouble?  Bass pro isn't open all
day.

Run my finger prints and take my picture for what I can only guess is
the next cover of 5280's "Denver's Finest".  Intrigued at the
possibility of a cover spread, I'll go all stoic like and throw them
Mossberg (my own version of magnum, but much more stoic and very
loveable).  That *** was splendid!  Back to the dorm with my friends
and makin' some collect calls to mi padre at $5 each (you can't call
collect to cell phones and father's lien is the only land-line I have
to memory).  He laughs and gets Jilly on the horn.  She's a bit more
calm, paid the bail at $250 and I should be home for a late dinner.
This ain't so hard......

Then all the guards and cast members decide to take dinner break/shift
change.  Not cool.  Added and hour and a half to my situation.
Alright.  Loks like I'll be out by 7:30 now.  No biggie.  However,
since in all my stupidity, I've never thought to get arrested in
Colorado, they have to run a background check in all the other
frickin' states to make sure none of those duders want me and my dog
too.  The great time about jail is that you have lots of time to
ponder everything.  I've planned most of your upcoming weekends for
you and thought about everywhere I've ever had personal conversations
with the law.  That's a lot of thinkin' and memory (perhaps some of
that would have been useful in remembering to pay the two tickets I
was in for).  I digress.  If you pay that bail, and they find
something new on you, well, count on the extended stay and that bond
going for naught.  Now that, my fellow bloggers, is a tough pill to
swallow.  And the thing is, my friends were doing nothing to reassure
me of my own blight.  They had issues of their own and the idea is
that everyone likes to bring everyone down so it's of no use to look
for assurance in the company of others.  Plus, if by chance they get
out with you, they're gonna want a ride to somewhere.  All you really
want is home, a meal, and a lesson to teach your dog.  They drug me to
the 5th floor and offered up a new address - cell #5.  my cellies were
fast asleep.  It was 9ish and my bail was posted hours ago but it
takes a *** ton of time to make sure my wife didn't pay in monopoly
dollars and that hopefully I'm spending enough of the city's tax
dollars for two $50 fines.  With both the top and bottom bunk
occupied, it didn't seem appropriate to rosham for the floor.  My
roommates, err cellies, seemed like nice enough guys.  Upon my
delivery, bottom bunker says to me "hey guy....want some cookies?"   how
this duder knew I loved cookies is beyond me, especially since I had
been there for less than 10 seconds.  With little hesitation, I passed
on the cookies.  That's wasn't easy but it was the smart thing to do.
top bunker was killin' it loud with his snorin' and fartin'.  Bet his
lady friend was missin' him sorely.  I know I'm not though.  So I get
the plastic mat under the bottom bunk, drag it to the middle of the
floor and await those words, "delay, let's go.  You've posted bail."

To hear those words takes 3 more hours.  It's midnight, I'm headed
back downstairs and in search for freedom.  One kind officer is kind
enough to remind me she's not my mother and that I need to fold my
blanket before dropping it in the dirty laundry.  That *** didn't get
folded - it just got dropped.  That's just principle right there.  if
she was indeed not my mother, well, I think you get the point.  Like a
game of ultimate, my team was down, but I was mountin' my comeback.
That was a big momentum shift and I think the City knew it.

I didn't stop there.  sitting in the last cell I would see on the
night, with the door unlocked and my possessions back in my
possession, I score another blow.  The officer retruning ownership to
the things I own, he begins to do the math on a check I have and tries
to explain why it's less than what I started with.  Knowing 7 hours
ago that I would end up with $30 less than what I came in with, I
interrupt him and say "it's $172 because you took $30 for the
processing fee."  He stops cold, smiles and say "yep.  You get this."
Hell yeah I do....i just scored again - now I'm tellin' you your job.  I
post a final score when the young woman standing next to the phone for
that last phone call to the outside world (your only free call), says
to me, DeLay, make your call so we can get y'all outside and out of
our hair."  Oh, you thought you were gonna have to wait on me?  See, I
knew my *** was already taken care of and the ride was waitin'
outside and we were gonna drive home like we stole that ***.  "don't
need it."  goal.  Assist goes to the wife on that one.

I'm outside, find Jilly and I'm back to King of Denver.  The City
could hold me but for 9 hours.  Come March 12th, they want another
shot at me and there gonna try to stop me with the judge this time.  I
already know my move  - "if I could just pay these fines and be on my
way.  Bass pro opens at 9am and my dog is gonna wanna go to the
park."

dar.
former outlaw

Do not try and and put this on your dog. You sir, were a convict in
Indiana and now you go and repeat your ways in Colorado. I hope the
judge applies the three strikes rule to you and gets you off our
streets, and more importantly our fields.

Pool
.