Re: A Retrospective: Hass, The Fucking Idiot

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Hu or Blackjack say, it's one of these 2 ass holes..... Like Hu fookin
cares Hu it is any mo...
Loved his lie about shooting an 89 with a putter....of course, that
story was stolen from Sam Snead.

Why that is the way I teach golf to a beginner, never hit long, drive
short and hit the short grass, and never shoot for a green. Lay up
short on every one. Wedge on, 2 putt, bogey 17 holes and Par one hole
and you shoot 89. Going for long drives you are in the woods a lot.
Go for greens you are in sand a lot. That is how you shoot 100.

Show me any good pool hustler who also shoots good golf and he will
hustle there as well. It's in his blood. Golf courses are full of
hustlers, even the top CC's I have belonged to as well.

Sorry, Snead never said this. I knew him and caddied for him once. He
did not run cons on courses. He was dumb as a moon rock. 9 IQ, He
was too dumb to run a good con. If you were dumb enough to play him
for money, he would take it as all of them back then would. Nelson,
Sneed, Hogan, McSpadden, AP, Fat Jack, Gary, Buffalo Billy, they were
not hustlers, they were tin cup players. Lee Trevino, Ray Floyd was
and ran every con known to man. They were cash players.

The putter, this was one of my best hustles. I gambled on golf
courses and usually closed the mark out with 2 or 3 holes to go. I
was between scratch and plus one so there were few that could beat up
straight up. You could even beat the better players with a 76-77 and
still make it look good and not smoke a bunch of pins. No matter what
they shot, you just barely beat them, just like the pool hustle.

I would then let him get even, double or nothing and play in with
nothing but a putter. But, they had to give me 2 strokes per hole.
Most wanted to give me one but I would not take the bet unless I
booked a Hungarian mortal lock on the sucker. Like I told him, I
already had his money, I was a winner, if he wanted it back, that was
the deal and only deal he got. Take it, or leave it. It was not open
to negotiation.

It was a very good bet on shorter muni courses without bunkers in
front and with little fairway rough. I had 3 putters in my bag they
never paid any attention to. The driver putter was a heavy mallet
with a one iron shaft which I could fade right down the middle about
225 and be safe and in play every time. That was as far as I could
hit it and hit all the fairways. That was as far as I needed to hit it
and that was the beauty of the con. I would then punch it out of the
fairway being sure to come up just short of the green. I never wanted
to reach it as once you get in a bunker with a lip on it you are
dead. So I fade it again 175 down the middle once more. I had a 2nd
putter that was bent back so it had some loft. I could then chip it
up in the air on the green, always under the pin leaving an uphill
putt where I would announce, my goodness, with my 2 strokes do you
realize I virtually drove the green and I am putting for Eagle. My
Gosh, you have to birdie every hole just to break even, flash big
smile and lots of teeth. That was a Ping Classic Scottsdale Anser
Putter. I put a slug of lead in the back cavity to give it weight.
If the fairway was wet and I did not have a lot of roll I would drive
with it as I could get it up in the air more. I had a 5 iron shaft in
it. The putter shafts were too weak and I soon found out the torque
would bend them and they would fail after a while. I later retired the
low 600 and in later years putted with only the Ping..

Seve and Watson had success with it as well. When they first hit the
market back in the 60's jug McSpadden got a case of them in and I
bought 6 of them. He sold me then anything I wanted at his cost
because I was helping him with supplies to build his new dream course,
Dubs Dread. I gave one to my wife, 2 to my kids, I used two, always
having a backup for anything I play with, and the last one I bent back
for the wedge shot. Over the years I still have 4 left. I still putt
with it today. They are a classic and you can buy remakes of the
originals like I have which now have some value.

Once the mark saw what I just did to him, he turned green and knew he
had been hustled. Out comes my George Low 600 tour putter and I two
putt for birdie. Piece of cake. I practiced hitting those 2 putters
every day on the driving range. I was very good with them and they
made me a lot of money. You could not hit the putter straight or hook
it but once you learned to aim down the far left side and just let it
fade back to center and not try to hit it too far it was a deadly
weapon.

I would bet I could hit my putter 300 yards, but that old con was
exposed in the movie, Tin cup, where he turned off the course and hit
it down a road. That was an old Titanic Thompson hustle that was also
from my home state and I knew as well. I studied all of his hustles,
some were brilliant. Some were dumb like I'll give you a stroke a
hole and I get the throw the ball once. You throw his ball into the
lake, BS; people don't pay off on that Mickey Mouse ***. But they
had to pay off on the putter hustle and you always got both bets in
the hands of a 3rd party ref in the foursome just so the guy could not
Welch out. I learned that one the hard way by having guys say I'll
meet you in the bar and we will have a drink and I'll pay you there
and he heads right to the parking lot and books it. Money up, no bet.

One of my best hustles ever was in Biloxi Miss. I am sitting at the
bar in this fancy big hotel and right outside the windows is the main
road and then the beach and the ocean which was about 275 yards from
the hotel. The hotel was up on a little hill and above the road and
they had this really nice front yard cut close like a golf course
fairway.
It was 1973 and I was working for Continental Oil and we had business
in the shipyards and then were headed into New Orleans. It was a
complicated pitch and corporate sent in two guys from HQ to help with
it. Couple of real nerds.

So we are sitting at the bar and we begin talking golf. Most of the
guys at the bar were in town to play the courses. It was dark outside
with no moon and you could barely even see the ocean let along the
beach. When they all got about half tanked I started a conversation
about how far the ocean's edge was from the Hotel front lawn. When
most agreed it was 250 to 300 or more yards away I then said: I'll
bet you that I can go to the front lawn, using only a golf putter, and
with one shot, hit the golf ball into the ocean. I'll cover any bet
you ass holes have the balls to put on the friggen bar. You can
provide the golf ball just to show this is up and up. The bar went
fookin ape *** over that one and the bets made were strong, really
strong. So we all trot out to the lawn, I tee up the ball and hit it
in the middle of the street when no cars are going by, but what they
could not see inside the hotel was there was a concrete boat ramp that
went all the way from the road to the ocean. The ball bounced right
down it to get wet and me sleeping on silk sheets that night and
sipping Dom 55. . Cleaned out the bar. They had a slow night as
everyone was dead broke after that shot. I came back a month later on
another trip and found I was bared out of the bar and hotel. Damn, I
could have retired off of that one.

My best hustle was back then the guys I ran on the road with drank a
lot. A lot, hell they never sobered up. We stayed at these really
fancy 4 star hotels on the 25th floor. I was not a road con like Ti,
I was a traveling sales and marketing mgr making more money than Lee
Trevino at the time so I did not run the cons for the money. I would
just get bored and want some fun and action. I was in a very high
stress job closing million dollar sales and I guess now and then, I
would just go off me bloomin deep end and get weird. The rock star
thingie.

Most of these bets were in Florida, or Miami as I was living there
then. My bet was I would Tee off out of my hotel room, 25th floor,
hitting the golf ball thru the opened sliding glass door into the
parking lot. You would generally have to hit your first drive over
the cars in the lot to clear them. If we hit a car, then we just
stopped the bet and closed the door and laid low for a while. You
cannot believe how high a golf ball bounces with it hits the lot from
that height. We would have a spotter down there to find the balls
where they ended up. You then had to go down to the parking lot and
golf your ball back into the hotel, it was a race, hit and run. Once
you got to the front door you could pick up and run to the elevator,
so you did not set off the front desk. Back then there were no
cameras anywhere and it was easy to pull this off. Today you could
not do it.

You then had to golf your ball out of the elevator, down the hall,
into the room and the first one to hit the ball into the commode won.
It was not the fewest strokes; it was first in the porcelain throne.
If both balls got in the room at the same time then you traded shots.
Choosing the right club was vital and I used a sand wedge with a flat
back of course. I did not always get to the commode first because you
could get a bad lie in the lot. But it was real hard to wedge up that
close in a tight room and get that ball in the shitter. Yep, I
practiced that one a lot too. Now and then your drive would go thru a
windshield. Oh well, space junk falling out of the sky, must have
been that shot off the moon came home, ah yes. We got thrown out of
a lot of hotels back then. We didn't give a ***, if we didn't get
thrown out for that, it would be for something else later on like
having all the maids on the floor in my bed and they could not get the
rooms cleaned up, or having a hottie naked drunk in the pool making
noise at 3am waking every one up. I was bared out for life from
dozens of top places. Tight asses, they don't want you to have no
fun. They had signs, if you see fast Larry, shoot the SOB on sight.
My attitude was there are a zillion hotels and I can never live long
enough to get bared out of all of them, so fook em.

So ass hole, If you think I never played golf before, or never ran a
con on the course, fine, think that, like I give a flyin *** what you
think *** for brains.

VENI VIDI VICI, OMNIA VINCIT AMOR. "Latin for "I came, I saw, I
conquered, love conquerors all. Yes I really did do it all and you
can believe it, or not. If you don't believe it, C'est La Vie. "


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