Re: WHAT HAVE I DONE? :(

Candace <maccandace@xxxxxxx> wrote:

Worse than calling her a drama queen?

Yes, I think it's worse than calling someone a drama queen. "Drama
queen," just by its implication, is meant to be sort of funny. We
call several of my co-workers that to their faces. I've been called
it before. No one gets upset by that. I think even calling someone a
f'ing nutcase is less cruel than what you said. I don't know quite
how to explain it.

It might just be that we have different frames of reference about what
is seen as acceptable commentary and what goes over the line. I know
what you mean about "drama queen" being a joke in some circumstances,
but I've also heard it as a real slam against a person, something that
people would say behind each other's back to ridicule them. So I guess
it's just what you're used to.

And it sounds like the truth game you played in college was deliberately
cruel, where people went for the jugular and ridiculed each other's
insecurities and vulnerabilities. I don't think that's what I was doing.

Many people consider "emotional problems" something to be ashamed of,
something one shouldn't mention openly. I don't see it that way. We all
have emotional stuff, some more daunting than others. Why do people feel
fine about saying they have chronic back pain, or heart disease, or
sleep apnea, but not chronic depression? Why can we say we're on
thyroid meds or insulin, but not anti-depressants? (Actually, on this
newsgroup, many people have spoken openly about depression and about
the meds they take for it, so it's not completely true that emotional
stuff is considered too shameful to talk about - here, anyway.)

I guess you didn't mean it viciously, I'm sure you didn't, but it's
sort of pop psychology or psycho-babble, isn't it?

You know, I really didn't say very much actual content about her state
of mind, *why* she does what she does, etc., and that's because I don't
know. Maybe the most specific I got, which you might categorize as
"babble", was saying "she doesn't have good boundaries." However, this
wasn't meant as psychological analysis. I was observing behavior. She
doesn't conform to certain social expectations in her interactions, and
some people have talked about it feeling invasive, or "too forward",
etc. Her behavior also strikes me as impulsive. Again, I don't know
why, and I didn't offer a reason. It's just what I see. Those things
alone wouldn't cause me to conclude that someone has emotional issues,
but when someone talks about crying their eyes out every day because
some people have gotten mad at her, that seems like a lot of emotional
pain to me. Again, it's not analysis. I don't know what the pain is
about or what caused it, I can just see that there *is* a lot of pain.

It sounds like you're saying that even if it's obvious, it's not good
form to state it openly - is that it?

I'm surprised sometimes how some of the
people here put themselves so blatantly "out there" for all the world
to see. It just seems cruel to shoot someone down who has done that
when it seems so encouraged here.

First, many people here use pseudonyms for that very reason. They might
not be quite so forthcoming if they were posting under their real name.

Second, I'd like to be clear that I did not shoot anyone down. It's
not a put-down to observe that someone appears to be having a very
difficult time emotionally. It's only a put-down if you think that
having emotional problems is something to be ashamed of.

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)

--
Joyce ^..^

(To email me, remove the X's from my user name.)
.

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