Re: Help Me

On Apr 29, 9:08 pm, bastXXXe...@xxxxxxxxx wrote:
Bobblespin <bob...@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
 > jmcquown wrote:

 >> Mom has decided she's helpless.  She has phoned me twice today asking when
 >> I'll be back.  Oh good lord. I don't know what to tell her.  John would
 >> really love to come see me but I cannot tell her when I'll be there.  Crap.
 >> I'm not going to be there any time soon.  Hello?  I want to be home for some
 >> time soon.  Help!
 >>
 >> She has asked me to be there next week.  Uh oh, I can't do that.  Gotta deal
 >> with my cat and lovebird.

 > Stand your ground!  She is pushing your buttons, I know, I've been
 > there.  Your roles have been reversed, and she is in the role of the
 > child and you the parent, and she is trying to see how far she can get.
 >   Now is the time for you to be FIRM, or else you will never be free.  I
 > know it's hard, but I could see this coming after you were at her home
 > for so long.  As daughters we feel obligated to obey and take care of
 > mothers.  I found that under duress or illness, my mother turns into a 3
 > year old.  If you want your own life, put yourself first and tell her
 > gently when you MIGHT be able to come and visit her.  If she squawks,
 > suggest she come and live near you.  I wish you good luck with this
 > situation, because you'll need to be strong.

Bobble, that was a *very* intelligent and sane response. I agree with
you 100%. Jill, your mother is manipulating you. I'm not saying that
she's deliberately scheming - I don't know her so I couldn't make that
judgement - but even if, from her perspective, she's just feeling scared
and overwhelmed, and feels like she really needs you there, she's still
*trying to get you to do what she wants*, and that's the definition of
manipulation. You're not required to give in to that. And you have every
right to your own life.

Why is it always the daughters who get guilt-tripped about this? You
have brothers, don't you? Where are they in all this?

--
Joyce

Daughters always get guilt-tripped into the majority of caregiving. I
watched
a PBS special that addressed this--it's almost universal with
families. They
say it's because ladies are more nurturing and just naturally fall
into that role.
They *did* say that the brothers should equally bear more financial
responsibility,
even if it means hiring a replacement so that the daughter/caregiver
can get a
break from it all.
Jill, I think you're getting advice in the right direction here. You
need to preserve
your own life and set some boundaries. There might come a time when
your
mom *really* needs you to come down and help--but it sounds like right
now
she's just lonely.
I could write a book on caregiver guilt. :-(

Sherry
.

Quantcast