Re: Dad's Decline (OT and Long)


"Joy" <toastie@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:13sblf9b10iro90@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"bobblespin" <nospam@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message news:Xns9A516528D915Ebobblespin@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"jmcquown" <j_mcquown@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in
news:pZudnVAdoN8LL1nanZ2dnUVZ_qmlnZ2d@xxxxxxxxxxx:

An update, which may be premature. After rallying and doing so well
upon his last admission to the hospital... after being moved from ICU
to a regular room and charming all the nursing staff, he stopped
eating. So they did the nasal feeding tube thing. At that point he
could still swallow. Now, he can't.

snip

Jill

This brings me back 20 years when my dad had a massive stroke, paralyzing
him on the right side and he was unable to swallow. They put in the
stomach feeding tube, but it only prolonged the inevitable for 2 weeks. My
mother and I tried to let him go (we knew his wishes), but the doctor
refused saying they weren't there to kill people. My mother didn't cry
much at the time, but afterwards, she cried every day for years. I just
hope you don't have problems with the rest of the family, who often
criticize the actions taken by those who have to make the decisions, while
they are miles away and don't deal with it.

Take care, and as my dad used to say, chin up.
Bobble

The rest of the family may not need to know. When my husband was dying, I knew his wishes, and talked things over with my children. We were all in agreement. Near the end, the doctor said he could continue a particular medication that would prolong things, but wouldn't really do any good. He asked if I wanted him to stop it, and continue the morphine, which kept him comfortable. After discussing it with the kids, I told him yes. A couple of hours later, my mother-in-law was there when a nurse came in and said she was going to put in a shunt so they wouldn't have to keep sticking needles in him. Then she turned to me and asked, "Did the doctor tell you what he's going to do?" I said yes. When he went out, my mother-in-law asked sharply, "What is the doctor going to do?" I just said, "He's having the nurse put in a shunt so they can give his medications more easily." She accepted that. I don't think she would have agreed with our decision, so I didn't tell her about it.

Joy
I've kept my middle brother in the loop but he's sort of questioning what I've told him. He didn't quite understand (for example) why the vascular surgeon said Dad probably wouldn't survive having half his leg amputated and would not recommend we even try that. He's not actually *challenging* the decisions I'm making (and yes, I'm talking all of this over with Mom first) but he is asking me lots of questions that almost sound like he disagrees.

He saw him last August; at that point he took Dad out to lunch, they rode around in the golf cart a couple of times. Things have changed rapidly and he really doesn't want to accept it. Then again, hopefully without sounding bitter (I'm really not), if he wants things handled differently he should bring his a** down here and deal with it himself.

Sadly, my oldest brother is more interested in what condition the house is in, for selling it (or turning it into a time-share which is strictly against the covenants of the Island, anyway.) Besides, it's Mom's house and she's still very much alive. But then, he called the day Mom was admitted to the hospital (1/29) asking for a large sum of money. When I told him she was at the doctor and I was 100% sure he'd put her in the hospital he said, "Just leave her a note and tell her I need $." Nice. (Note: he has since quit his job. He wasn't making big bucks but it was better than nothing.)

Of course, middle-bro assumed Mom would move in with him when Dad dies and had what would have been an office/study in his house built a little larger so it could be her bedroom. A nice gesture, and maybe one day she'll do that. It still irks me *her* bathroom is actually the guest bathroom off the foyer. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want his guests (he likes to entertain) traipsing in and out of her bathroom!

Dad's older sister, his only living sibling, knows he's quite near the end. She doesn't need every little detail. But she wouldn't question us even if she did.

Jill

.

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