Dad's Decline (OT and Long)

An update, which may be premature. After rallying and doing so well upon his last admission to the hospital... after being moved from ICU to a regular room and charming all the nursing staff, he stopped eating. So they did the nasal feeding tube thing. At that point he could still swallow. Now, he can't.

We have a DNR (no "heroic measures") but they can't remove the feeding tube or stop IV fluids until we say so. Well, this morning a nurse called and asked if they could put in a PEG feeding tube instead (it goes directly to the stomach). I was torn about this and said I'd call them back. Before I could do so, a vascular surgeon who had seen him about 3 years ago for circulation problems in his feet called. He'd been called in for a consult because while they'd noticed his feet were always cold, it had gotten much worse. This doctor spoke very plainly to me. (Some might say he spoke too bluntly, but he was absolutely not without compassion, if that makes any sense.) I said hey, don't sugar coat it. Don't worry about my feelings because I know the score.

Long story short; his foot was cold and blue and the *only* solution is amputation at the knee. And he said to me, "I certainly wouldn't put him through that. He probably wouldn't live through the operation. Even if he did, he probably wouldn't last more than a couple of days after that." There's no point in putting him through all of that.

He also indicated, were it him, he wouldn't recommend opting for the PEG feeding tube, either. He said we'd just be prolonging the inevitable, with no quality of life. At this point Dad certainly isn't going to go tap dancing out the door. He spoke of us simply making sure he's comfortable. Authorizing only administration of pain medication and other comforts. It's time to let him go. But we haven't given the official orders yet. Mom said if the doctor said we can wait a day or two to remove "all the tubes", can we? Yes, he said we don't have to rush (but we can't dilly-dally, either).

BTW, there are no inpatient hospices around here, although there are hospice nurses who will come into the hospital. There is the option of bringing him home, but that would require a 24/7 hospice nurse and AFAIK they don't offer that. We wouldn't know how to administer meds and keep him comfortable without a full time nurse.

The hardest part was talking with my mom about all of this. She knows. Yes, she knows. But she's been married to him for 57 years. She gets teary-eyed, then stops. And she thinks there is something wrong with her because she's not weeping copiously. Heh, I'm not weeping copiously, either. We will, when it's time. He's not gone yet. And everyone grieves in their own way.

Meanwhile, I went to the funeral home a friend of hers used and recommended and got some preliminary paperwork for us to fill out. We'll fill it out tomorrow, she and I, and I'll take it back over there and talk with the funeral director personally. They'll handle everything based on the information we provide when the time comes.

One of the things on the information was if he's a Veteran they'd need a copy of his discharge papers. The DD-214. Dad being the meticulous record keeper had a file folder marked for that. What was in it? A copy of their marriage license! I did subsequently find it in an envelope that was tucked down between some folders.

I also discovered something neither my mother nor I had ever known: in High School he was an ACTOR. A card-carrying member of The National Thespian Dramatic Honor Society (with a certificate for "meritorious particpation in high school dramatics). Go figure :)

Jill

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