Re: Leading Jill Outside the Box

jXwXeXrXmXoXnXt@xxxxxxxxx wrote:
Enfilade <decepticoncommand@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Candace wrote:

Doesn't sound like she appreciates any of the constructive ideas
any of you offered...Maybe, like in another thread, she didn't
really want suggestions, just wanted to vent.

There's also a difference between not appreciating, and not being
feasible.

I couldn't do a cleaning job either. I'm still struggling to lift
five pounds with my left arm. So, if that was suggested for me, I'd
appreciate the suggestion, but it wouldn't work.

Yeah, if you give advice to people with an agenda that they should do
what you suggest, you're going to feel unappreciated over and over.
"You don't have to do this, but may I suggest..." should be the
implied disclaimer for *every* piece of advice given - especially
when it's unsolicited!

Argh, this exact thing is going on between me and my parents right now! I made the huge mistake of volunteering too much information again. Dennis always says that I should just stick to small talk with them and I know that he's right. I just keep hoping that he's wrong...
About 2 weeks ago, I sent an email to them saying that we were getting close to being happy with the plans for the house we are planning to build. I mentioned that we have talked to some builders and have decided on one who came particularly well recommended by dozens of locals we had talked to.
In response to this non-advice asking, purely informative email that I sent, I received a list of 10 things that our house must have from my dad. Some of those things are completely ridiculous for this climate (triple glazing??? central heating???). For gawds sake, we're at the same latitude as Los Angeles. Let's not get carried away here.
He also offered to send me this book with plans of mountain chalets in the Alps. I declined, saying that the cost of sending the book would not make it worth it, considering the completely different climatic conditions we are dealing with here and suggested that maybe, if he wanted to, he could just scan one or 2 of the plans that would be most suitable and email them to me.
I also replied to each of his points in a logical manner, thanked him for his good ideas and explained why some ideas just wouldn't work here.
In response to this I received a scathing email saying our house was going to be crap, fall down all around us, be a never ending money pit and he would not be talking to us about it any more as it was obvious we were way too stubborn to listen to his voice of experience. His last words were "good luck- you'll need it!!!"
Let me just say here that my parents have built a couple of houses and they were way overbuilt and never fetched anything close to the price they thought they deserved to get because people just don't appreciate some of those things. I am not about to blindly follow the advice of someone who's own mistakes are glaringly obvious to me.
Later that day I received another email from my mom this time, a bit more diplomatic but essentially parroting everything my dad had said. I replied to this email, also very nicely and explained some of the things they had completely misunderstood about my previous email. I then asked them to not underestimate us, that we had come quite far in our lives and therefore thought we were quite capable of doing our research, taking in all info and advice from many sources, including them, and taking from that the parts that we thought were most useful to our particular situation.
I have not heard from them in over a week. I think I may be disinherited again. <sigh>
This happened one time already when I was in college. I had offended them during the summer by having the wrong boyfriend and spending too much time with him, so they faxed me a letter saying they were leaving their house to Greenpeace. A few years later they acted like nothing ever happened and flat out denied the existence of the Greenpeace fax.
I have decided not to write them any further emails at this point and to just wait and see what happens.
--
Britta
Purring is an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow.
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album


.

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