Re: OT - (Humor) Stranger in my House



I'm going to send this to my aunt and my ex-neighbour - they will love it.


Tweed


"Magic Mood Jeep©" <nobody@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:4go60sF1n3i37U1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stranger in my House

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my
house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in.
I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't
there, and the next day she was.

She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most
part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever
I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the
whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is
very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay
part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill
stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it
is not nearly enough.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money
from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all
gone. I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the
old lady is pilfering from me.

You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. Lord
knows she needs it. And money isn't the only thing I think she is
stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the
good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I can't seem to keep that
stuff in the house anymore. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd
better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she
realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my
scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,
like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so
they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find
anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and
organized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record what I have
carefully and correctly programmed.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,
newspapers and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can't read
it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on
my TV, radio and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner
heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed
higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she
has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue
to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. Is this
any way to repay my hospitality?

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something
on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.
She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus she keeps me
from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She
came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license,
and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one
is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me.

- Author Unknown


--?
The ONE and ONLY
lefthanded-pathetic-paranoid-psychotic-sarcastic-wiseass-ditzy
former-blonde in Bloomington! (And proud of it, too)©
email me at nalee1964 (at) insightbb (dot) com
http://community.webshots.com/user/mgcmdjeep



.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: OT - (Humor) Stranger in my House
    ... A strange old lady has moved into my house. ... part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. ... I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady ... going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me. ...
    (rec.pets.cats.anecdotes)
  • Re: OT - (Humor) Stranger in my House
    ... And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, ... I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, ... keep that stuff in the house anymore. ... She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's ...
    (rec.pets.cats.anecdotes)
  • Try this just once you will be a mazed
    ... THE SIMPLEIST LEGAL WAY TO MAKE MONEY ON THE NET... ... I will not waste your time explaining how the money making process works because you are all intelligent people and ... Ad your address underneath the address above and post this message on as many newsgroups ... "Here is the picture you ordered for the fee of $5.00 US" ...
    (microsoft.public.games.discussion)
  • Re: Russ Feingold: Traitor or Just a Leftist?
    ... endorsing to be equivalent to financial gift-giving (that is, ... Money To according to McCain-Feingold). ... (tax deductibile). ... I buy clothes and give them to my local charity. ...
    (rec.sport.football.college)
  • Re: OT: My Vegas Trip Report
    ... "Without a picture ID, we can't give you more than $100." ... I'm leaving tomorrow and I need money from my own ... I'll talk to the CEO of Bank of America if I have to. ...
    (alt.fan.letterman)