Re: [OT] Why we love children - humor

On Mon, 21 Nov 2005 09:57:37 -0600, "CatNipped"
<lcrews@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

>A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
>"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I
>p*ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You
>did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the
>boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
>
>A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
>"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your
>chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>"WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you
>ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes
>later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you
>bring a drink of water?"
>
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
>asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over
>and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the
>door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
>son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
>tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
>smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to
>sleep in Daddy's room". A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
>little voice: "The big sissy"
>
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
>wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
>over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The
>little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes,
>and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron."
>
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
>into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
>said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy
>has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing
>in your ***?"
>
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
>five, that son of a b*tch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b*tch is
>nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
>doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And
>this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he
>answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are
>you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are
>learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two
>plus two, that son of a b*tch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing,
>she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
>four."
>
>One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
>her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to
>warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer
>and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then
>asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
>raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!'"
>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
>Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
>"I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but
>mother says I'm not."
>
>A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
>Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
>The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can
>find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
>A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
>the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The
>barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She
>says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
>
>Hugs,
>
>CatNipped
>
>
>
>
Thanks, CN, I needed a laugh today.

Purrs and Hugs,

Nan and the furkids

A wise man talks because he has something to say;
a fool talks because he has to say something.
.