Re: Help on piece



Jon Slaughter wrote:
I just wrote this small "piece" yesterday and was wanting to get some criticism.

http://jonslaughter.com/files/A1_0001.bmp
http://jonslaughter.com/files/Untitled.mp3

Its not finished ofcourse and basically I repeat the first section just to repeat it but later if I'm satisfied will it then I won't do an exact repeat.

The first phrase is something I came up with at the keyboard then the rest was just "winging it" in sibelius. Unfortunately I didn't pay to much attention to the chord progressions and it probably shows. I do like the first phrase though but I think the two part texture sounds a little sparse.

I feel that after the first phrase things start to get a little chaotic. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking because there is to much new material that doesn't seem to be derived from the initial theme but I'm not sure.

I really do like the first part though and it kinda reminds me of Bach's goldberg variations(I think) and I just wanted to try and get something done with the rest. I didn't stick to any "formula" and that might be why it seems to go into another direction than what the start feels like. There are so spots in there that I think are ok and I guess overall its probably pretty good for what I have done in the past but after listening to it a while it does seem to have any feeling(could be cause of the midi though).. when I was actually writing it though I felt it was better than what I hear now.

One problem I'm having is starting the second section. Since the first section is in Fm I wanted to do the second in Cmaj(actually I was wanting to do it in something like Emaj but I figured that might be to much of a change). I'm having problems making the transitition seem right. In the bmp you just seem the vary last bit starting the new section. I like the idea but it doesn't seem to fit smoothly. I also want to do the second section in a different texture instead of mainly in two part and with a lot of "machine gun" notes(repeated notes) but I'm not sure where to go.

Anyways... just looking for some comments ;)

Thanks,
Jon

The machine gun is straight out of Mozart.

Check out how Mozart and Haydn take stuff like this and break up the
4-bar phrases into 7-bar, 3-bar, and 11-bar structures.

Design a climax, and scale back the rest of the dynamics to accomodate it.


--
Matthew H. Fields http://www.matthewfields.net
Music: Splendor in Sound
.



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