Re: OT and Long: On Making it thru Parenthood



Kol_Isha wrote:
Totally OT and no guitar content, so for those who might be bored, just walk right on by. And, I'm not the type to generally wax nostalgic to the whole universe. But today got me thinking...

Milestones. My older son turned 25 on Tuesday. What that means is... lower insurance rates (though he's finally paying his own now), and from now on when he needs to rent a car, he can sign for himself. In two more weeks my younger son will be 21. What that means is... he can rip up his fake ID (I'm sure he has one since all the kids seem to, though of course he won't own up to it) and I can breathe a sigh of relief that when he and his friends come home on semester break, and sit on my back patio having a beer, I don't have to live any longer with that dread fear of being arrested for "allowing" underage drinking in my home. (Not that I ever officially allowed it, but it did seem to happen more frequently that I would have liked.) There will be no more underage drinking at my house. We've reached the age of majority.

I've made it through somehow (though how, I don't know... and it seems yesterday they were just babies). My boys are happily ensconced in their own lives, older one still in and out of the house but building his career (as an agent/promoter for hip hop and rap artists), younger one entering junior year in college, doing great, and talking about law school. Oh, yes, we've had our little mishaps and trials and tribulations along the way, but we've made it. Hmmm... like the time that older son, at 16 and without our permission... while we were on vacation and Grandma was supervising... tricked his grandmother into allowing him to visit a tattoo parlor, where he promptly got his tongue pierced. When we got home, he spent the evening sticking out his tongue at us until we finally noticed, at which point I totally freaked out. (The tongue ring was ordered to be removed... he complied long enough to leave the house, but then would put it back in as soon as he got to school. I finally gave up and said... hey, it's his tongue, not mine, and at least he's not out robbing banks. He eventually outgrew the fad.) Or then there was the New Years Eve when he asked if he could have "a few friends" over, and we already had plans to attend a party for the evening. Against my better judgment, I decided to trust him... but a few hours into the evening I had this gnawing feeling in my gut, and I turned to my husband and said, I think we should go home NOW. We got home to find half the school in our house. Oh, yeah. Party time. New Years Eve and no parents home. Bring out the kegs. It's uncanny how fast, like wildfire, word can spread about a teenage party. We spent the next few hours calling parents, confiscating car keys, stopping kids from coming in the front door, kicking kids off the back patio, turning off the music, yelling, screaming, cajoling... and the next morning we woke him up at 7 a.m. and put a broom in his hands and made him clean the empty beer cans and cigarette butts out of the pool. And then there was the fiasco with younger son when he attended the prom on one of those rented party buses, and while the kids were inside, the school staff searched the buses, and finding alcohol on two of the buses, promptly suspended every kid on both buses... maybe fifty kids in all... for five days. And then there was the time... Yes, being a parent has its trials and tribulations, but... I have two young men now, and we made it through. Somehow. Thank God.

So today, as I was lazing around my house enjoying the fruits of being an empty nester... the doorbell rang, and a young man of about fifteen asked for Samantha. She is the fourteen-year-old daughter of our next door neighbors. I explained to the boy that she lived next door. But... earlier in the week, the parents had asked us to feed their dog for a few days while they went on vacation. (We often do this favor for each other.) And then yesterday before they left, they called to tell us that they had decided that Samantha could stay home alone, so she would feed the dog. I myself would never have left my kids home alone at fourteen, I do know what kids are capable of... but I didn't think it was my business to question the judgment of other parents. They did not even ask us to keep an eye on things. I thought maybe they had another friend or relative checking up. But anyway, I knew Samantha was home alone, and I had a bad feeling when this kid came to the door. I said to him, Samantha's home alone and I don't think she's supposed to have visitors. After he left, I told my husband, and we debated whether we should call the parents on their cell phone to let them know. I felt like a snitch, but I thought they should know, and we tried to reach them but no answer... so we left a message asking them to call us. Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and there is a police officer on our doorstep. Three police cars in the cul de sac outside our house. A small group of adolescents in the circle. And off to the side, Samantha. The police officer asked if we knew where her parents were. We said yes... on vacation in the Keys, they'll be home on Monday. Do we know how to reach them? Yes, we have a cell number. "Gee, that's odd, the girl just told us her parents are not reachable." Well, it seems Samantha invited about seven kids into her house. When two of them... fourteen-year-old boys... asked if they could "borrow her parents car," she handed them the car keys. "Samantha," I asked her later... "what in the world were you thinking?" "Well," she told us, "they said they were only going to take it to the end of the street and back, so I thought it would be okay." Seems the boys took off, drove a few miles, and finally smashed into another vehicle, totaling my neighbor's brand new Ford mustang, and sending two innocent people to the hospital.

Police were finally able to reach Mom and Dad on the cell phone, told them what happened, advised them that Samantha is underage and not liable, but since they as the parents are likely to be sued by the people who are in the hospital, they strongly advised that the parents press charges against the boys. They agreed. The boys were charged with grand theft auto and driving without a license, and taken away to jail. The parents packed up in the middle of their vacation and headed home. And the police asked if we could be her legal guardians until the parents arrived home. We ordered the other kids to leave, told Samantha she was going to remain in our home until her parents got home, and for much of the evening, we had a hysterical fourteen-year-old girl here, crying and sobbing and telling us her parents would kill her. What could I say. "Yes, Samantha, you made some very poor decisions and I don't think your parents are going to be very happy with you, and I suspect you will be grounded for the rest of your life." My friends/neighbors have some legal problems they will have to sort out. Samantha has learned a very hard lesson a very hard way. Two kids are in jail. Two people are in the hospital. And... there but for the grace of God...

Being a parent is SO hard.  I don't know how, but we've made it through....

Regards,

Arlene

Congrats to you and yours!
Our Lauren is going to be 9 next week--our fun is just beginning. Plus, she's one of the "popular" kids. I was one of the science geeks--I can't relate.


Steve




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