Re: Is it bad...?

The Rt. Rev. Dr Jazz adds:
<<I never said I didn't forgive him. I guess the reality is I never
really thought about it. Like I said another post, I had a strong
support system growing up. My grandmother, sister (who's 16 years older
than I), and mom all lived in the same house until I was about 8 and my
sister got married. My grandmother moved back down South when I was
12. So, I always had people around. My family made sure I had everything
I needed and alot of what I wanted. So, I never thought about a dad not
being there. People would ask me where's your father and I'd reply I
don't know and move on. They'd want to know if I was curious and I'd be
like not really. See, I guess the thing is I never really felt anything
because I never knew him period. I don't know if he's a nice guy or a
bad guy, don't know if he's Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist,
or even atheist. Sometimes, I would just think like I probably passed
him on the street (because he still lived in Philly) and I'd have no
clue about him because I've never seen him or pictures of him. So, to
me, he was and still is very much a stranger. That's one of the reasons
I'm not going to the funeral. It'd be like walking into a random funeral
service and just chillin'. And I couldn't look his family and friends in
the face when they ask me who I am. What would I say "oh, I'm just the
*** child. Don't mind me.">>

I know you didn't say that you didn't forgive him, I took that into my
own understanding. I'm questioning the "is it bad or cold" thing and all
that it could emcompass along with you being "of the cloth". Your mother
had no pictures? I mean, you had nothing in terms of his history. I ask
because it seems odd that mom let all those years go by without showing
you a picture, phone number, house address---nothing. But she informed
you of his passing. All the other stuff about feeling awkward at the
service, I understand. However, as a minister, it would still be dope to
pay your respects. As far as what the family says, you know the truth so
you ride with that.

<<I don't think they think it's bad. I think they're just concerned
because I have a history of not showing my feelings and then either
exploding or breaking down after keeping everything in.>>

Bad or concerned, it's all relative and you prove their concern that it
might be a bad thing by your admission of blowing up or crying
uncontrollably. Both of which ain't a good look.

<<But see, that's the thing. I'm not wondering what could have been. I
never did. I still don't. My life goes on. I mean really, I'd probably
feel more for someone that posted here who died. At least, I have some
type of contact with RMHH regulars.>>

I disagree. It has to be a "thing" of sorts. You generated the thread
"is it bad?". The question itself is one of concern. Just reading this
paragraph alone shows that it definitely has some weight to you. I agree
with your last statement, I've had a few exchanges with respondents
here, but if I heard one was seriously injured/died, I'd definitely feel
bad. Amazing how a keypad and screen coupled with strangers makes us
"one".

<<And I have no problem with that. I'm an affectionate father. I hug and
kiss my children all the time. Of course, they're still very young. And
they both know they're daddy's girls. Even 1 1/2 year old.
But they know when I'm upset and disappointed with them. They know I
have high expectation for both them. And they know Dad's always got my
back. I'll be the same way with my son, probably. My goal in life is to
get them to a point where they are secure in who they, teach them ALL
about their faith (because they don't get a choice until they're
adults), and make sure they understand that they have to work for
everything because they world owes them nothing. If I can get these
points across to them my job is done.>>

And that's your job to do those things with the children. We shouldn't
expect any less. My daddy told me all the time, "do better than me, in
all things". It's your turn, be better than your daddy. As far as their
religious persuasion, what you said is a given, you call the shots in
your home. Time will tell if it holds throughout their lives as with all
the other things you said. The best you can hope for is that they're
upstanding human beings whether they're believers or not because you
can't walk for them anyway. You set them up and let them fly...but you
KNOW in your heart of hearts that you did right by them. To me, that has
to be the agony of a sorry parent who doesn't.

.

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