Re: Dearest Friends

Okay, I honestly don't feel like writing, but it's like I have to. I
turned the music off, and I feel that I have to write the story of the
first time I said no to Smoky, my step-father who raised me. He tried
so hard to pass on so many teachings of self-reliance, but I feel like
I failed him in that area now, through not being able to take care of
myself, even losing the confidence to be the best f*cking
non-professional driver I've ever met.

PAIN IN MY ARSE. (Added: This isn't funny, it's just a personal story,
it happened, and it has nothing to do with Bob Dylan.)

Ugh, I wish I could go to sleep.

Okay, he taught me all kinds of things, including about how to handle
the weather. In the winter, he made me wear a hat.

I hated it.

In High School, I was forced to walk to school, and by the time I got
there, my hair was all messed up, and it was a total nuisance.

One day, I was walking home from school, my woolen hat stuffed in the
pocket of my parka, and I was walking up the long driveway. It was late
afternoon. I heard a car pull into the driveway behind me.

Oh sh*t.

I got caught.

I walked into the house, the car was pulling into the garage, and I sat
down at the kitchen table and waited.

A little while later, Smoky comes into the house.

He walks straight into the kitchen, and stops and looks at me, and says
very angrily and slowly, "WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO, TO GET YOU TO WEAR YOUR
HAT?"

I thought about it. I was almost or already 15 years old, and I swear
to G-d, I hated wearing a hat. I know, I know, like 70% (I'm just
making this up, I don't remember the percentage) of your body heat goes
out through your head, blah blah blah. You can catch a cold, get the
flu. I don't care. I hate what it does to my hair, I'm not going to
wear it. So I mused about his question, trying to come up with the
answer. I finally did.

I looked at him and said very slowly and deliberately, "You can put it
on my head."

OMG. I have never seen a man explode the way Smoky did. His face turned
so red, and then I don't remember exactly, something about being, never
heard these words come out of his mouth before, "so fucking stupid,"
and then he stormed out of the kitchen.

I just sat there.

He must have considered my answer out there, and what could he say to
this, and this is what he came up with, and you know what? It was FINE
BY ME.

He came back in angrily and said this while shaking his finger at me,
angrier than he had ever been with me in his life, and I had no problem
with what he said furiously.

"If you aren't going to wear your hat, you are just going to have to
PAY THE CONSEQUENCES."

I didn't wear my hat after that, and you know what?

I didn't catch a cold.

I love Smoky with all my heart, but we can't be in contact, because
it's just too weird, because of who I am now. My brother is still in
contact with him.

Hopefully one day, again...if Bob Dylan comes back. Because the single
adult female thing now, all alone, it's just too weird.

I wish I were tired and could go to sleep.

I need a sleeping pill.

I don't know how to end this.

It was a very personal story, it's not funny, this is the Bob Dylan
newsgroup, and I feel badly.

Sorry.

Good-night.

Thanks for listening.

This is my calling, at least for now.

Oh, and getting my body back in shape.

I can't go out tonight with Ken, didn't, because I need to go buy stuff
with my father tomorrow, clothes that fit, some other stuff, oh, like
big towels, and most importantly, I found out from a large beautiful
cool nurse at the hospital, Julia, about the bra store in Beverly Hills
proper or approximately, I'm not sure which, which caters to all the
large breasted women. They go up to double S, at least, because Julia
said that's what her sister is. So she says. We'll see. I had no reason
not to believe her, but saying it here, to people who I think know
what's what about everything, makes me unsure.

I'm going to go smoke, something I am going to have to stop doing, if I
ever want to be beautiful enough to have children with ykw.

I don't know how to say good-bye.

P.S. If I ever have children I am going to make my husband (ykw) make
them wear hats in winter weather for as long as he can control it. :)

.