Re: OT: Sic Transit... Britannia?

On Jun 4, 1:06 am, Josep Vilanova <josepvilan...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Not sure about that, but in the 'Backstory' section of the article, one
of the perps is described as being terrified that she will lose her
children. Frankly, it can't happen too soon, with termination of
parental rights.

Bob Harper

I am convinced that good parenting is one of the key issues in that
process (although other wider social problems, like perhaps reduced
levels of social mobility and also increased social inequalities -as
mentioned in an article of yesterday's 'Observer'- have something to
do on that). I can give you an example that I know personally (as
opposed as through work, where I should respect confidentiality).

In the South of England we have a very selfish man, from a lower-
middle class farming family, that would clearly be the definition of a
bad parent. He takes drugs, he doesn't feel too inclined to do any
work or to have any proper training, and every now and then indulges
in unusual sexual behaviours, like showing his genitals to the
neighbours (who had to move) or tries to touch up younger girls. That
person, let's called it 'psychopathic father', when younger, goes to
the US and meets an empty headed girl. They have a son. He moves back
to the UK and the empty-headed girl raises the son. The empty-headed
girl is, as a parent, nearly as bad as the psychopathic father and
largely ignores the needs of the boy. The boy, for some quirk of the
destiny, is born with a remarkable intelligence and is considered to
be a mathematical prodigy from a younger age (let's call him
mathematical prodigy from now on). On top of that he has the looks of
a Holywood star and would be likely to become a successful person, if
helped during his development. He gets fed up of being ignored with
the empty-headed woman, who is not a girl any longer but is becoming
nearly as selfish as the psychopathic father, and moves to the UK,
looking for that missing father figure.

At that time, the psychopathic father has married a woman who is very
nice and sensitive, but emotionally vulnerable, who is a single mother
and who may find it difficult to deal with his son, who is also
talented but with some difficulties, quite likely some form of ADHD.
The psychopathic father and the vulnerable woman have three children
of their own, two girls and a boy, plus the ADHD boy. Not much room
for the mathematical-prodigy, but he is nonetheless welcomed by the
vulnerable mother. Shortly after the arrival of the mathematical-
prodigy, the relationship between psychopathic father and vulnerable
mother breaks down, with plenty of police involvement due to abuse to
the ADHD child (psychopathic father likes to be violent towards him).
Psychopathic father ends up looking after the mathematical prodigy and
the younger son, and vulnerable mother goes away with the ADHD child
and the two girls.

Then, mathematical prodigy has two bad parents, and the other ones
have at least a good parent (the vulnerable mother is after all a very
good mother, very caring although quite poor, and who, even having to
work long hours in a supermarket, manages to sacrifice herself for the
well being of her children). Psychopathic father gets fed up of
mathematical prodigy, chucks him out from home, doesn't take any
interest in his future and mathematical-prodigy goes back to the US,
where he doesn't find any support form his mother and who ends up
ruining his life. Is currently a drug addict, still young but,
possibly, damaged beyond repair. He may end up in one of your prisons.
No chance of his mathematical abilities never be used.

Back at the UK, the son who is looked after the psychopathic father,
also develops some behavioural problems (very silent, doesn't really
communicate with any one) and the vulnerable mother despairs about
him, but she can only look after him few hours every week. The other
children, left to that poor woman alone, do manage to overcome the
traumatic period and they are all doing well now (one of the girls
will go to the university and will study Law, I believe). The damage
doesn't appear to be lasting. I am concerned about the silent-boy, but
if he manages to break down contact with father and increases contact
with mother, he still has chances (although it will be too late for
him to gain any higher training... his own grades reflected the
problems with his father, from being good before the divorce to being
awful after it).

I know it's a long story but I wanted to give an example of how bad
parenting can ruin the chances in life of talented children and how
good parenting can manage to save them.

What can society do about that? I don't really know... The Blair
government is talking about compulsory parenting classes in some of
those cases (they may already be in place). Will they work? I don't
know. I guess it's better than doing nothing.

j

I think nothing like that really works. The only thing I think that
may work is provide as many opportunities for the children to develop
away from whatever happens at home, since you can't control that
anyway. Children should be given as many opportunities to find
challenges, things that interest them and develop in activities and
education. Which would be all sorts of things. Sports, education,
workshops, music making. The system of youth orchestras in Venzuela is
a good example. It provides a place for the children to do something
they enjoy and which challenges them in a positive way, and a place
where they can find a group they can be part of. Of course, that's not
for everybody. But there can be many other activities in which
children can find fulfillment and social context.
And, as a side effect, you get smarter, more capable and self-
confident young people who have skills which they can contribute to
society when it is their turn.
It is pretty saddening how little our societies actually do for young
people in those respects.

.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: OT: Sic Transit... Britannia?
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