Re: Some Advice to Paul About Marrying a 47-Year-Old Freight Company VP

On Feb 4, 10:22 am, bill_hi...@xxxxxxxxxx wrote:
Like many of you, I was jolted out of my post-holiday reverie to read
the rumors (unfounded, we hope) that Paul plans to marry a rich
trucking company executive, age 47, named Nancy Shevell.

Many thoughts went through my head when I first heard about it, some
of which I will share with you momentarily, and not the least of which
was my concern for the fate of Paul’s ego.  I’ve always had the
impression that the reason he fathered so many kids over so many years
was because he was determined to pass on his looks, his talent, and
his legacy to a son who would forever be hailed as “Paul, Jr.”
regardless of his given first name.

Unfortunately, it never happened.  He only fathered one male that we
know of, and by no stretch of the imagination could his son James be
considered a Paul, Jr.  Not even in his dreams.

So now rumor has it he plans to marry a businesswoman who is post-
menopausal.  Why?

Indeed, why would an extremely wealthy rock star – albeit one in his
60’s -- who could have his pick of the litter from among a large,
willing pool of very attractive, fertile, and delightfully nubile 19
to 22 year-olds, allegedly choose a woman for whom hot flashes are
already a memory?  I ask you.

I know, I know.  Love is blind, right?  But is it really?

Before I proceed, please accept my apologies in advance if I offend
the more sensitive and nurturing among the New Age women who might
read this post, but I suspect they’re long overdue for a reality check
in any case.

Now then, can we talk?  First, let’s clear the air as to what it is
men really want.

To the men here amongst us, is there anything – I repeat, ANYTHING --
on God’s green earth to compare with a an extremely attractive,
attentive, and enthusiastic 19 - 22 year-old female who is willing to
do – or consent to -- absolutely anything you ask?  Now be honest.

I said BE HONEST!!!

And don’t anyone dare suggest that a man Paul’s age isn’t interested
in such things, or worse yet, that he can’t handle it.  You need only
look at Hugh Hefner and his harem.  True, he impersonates a prune, but
then so does Paul.  Quite well, in fact.

That’s why enormous wealth is such a great equalizer -- and certainly
an aphrodisiac to young, romantic women, if also to the not so young
and world-weary.

I still remember – through a drunken haze, perhaps, but quite clearly
-- the bachelor party my buddies threw for me, Lo those many years
ago.  That night, one of my extremely inebriated, much older married
friends approached me and rested his arm on my shoulder to steady
himself.

He asked me if I was familiar with the “Three C’s” that inevitably
become the main focus of a post-menopausal marriage.  He slurred the
word “inevitably” quite badly, but I’m sure that’s what it was.
Apparently it was a tradition to share what he was about to say with
newcomers just before the noose is tightened around their neck.

Through his slurred speech, he proceeded to recite the dreaded “Three
C’s” of post-menopausal married life: Cuddling, Companionship, and
Continence.

Yikes, I thought.  Had I been a basset hound at that moment, my droopy
ears would have shot straight up at the sound of those three words.
They were not what a young buck of 23 wanted to hear.

But then again, my friend was drunk at the time.  And besides, being
only 23, and my fiancée just barely 20, I remember thinking, “What do
those three words have to do with us?”

Need I say it?  Yes, I learned many, many years later what they had to
do with me.  And I’m still learning to this day.  But you see, unlike
aging, iron-deficient women who are often tired and forever
uninterested, many men tend not to lose their drive.

God knows I haven’t, and I pray I never will.  It’s one of the few
life-affirming pursuits left to us men in our late 40’s and beyond.
Unfortunately, it also requires a willing outlet.

But equally unfortunate -- and just as relevant to this narrative --
is the fact that most men are not wealthy rock stars, regardless of
our age bracket.

Which is why if I could speak to Paul directly, I would say the
following:

Look, my friend, I know you’ve been around the block -- several times
in fact -- and believe me, I fully appreciate why this time around
you’re reportedly hell-bent on marrying someone with wealth of her
own.

But take it from a fan who has known in his lifetime the ecstasy of
being loved and cherished by an extremely attractive, attentive, and
enthusiastic 19 - 22 year-old goddess -- one who was willing to do –
or consent to – absolutely anything I wanted, night after night after
night.  There is nothing in this world like it.  But nothing.

And even when she outgrows that truly magical age bracket, you can
then begin working in earnest on Paul, Jr.  Two or three of them if
you’ve a mind to.  I’ve heard you can afford it.

I know, I know, Jane Asher came awfully close to what I’m describing,
but you remember only too well what her priority was back then.  It
wasn’t you, was it?  Which, as I recall, is why you broke up with
her.

By all means, keep Nancy as a friend and sounding board, perhaps even
as a drinking partner and confidante.  But for God’s sake, man, don’t
marry her.

You’re already 66 years old.  You only live once, and life is far too
short to end up like that guy in “When I’m 64”.

Believe me, I know.

Your fart posts are a lot funnier. Stick with farts. They're what you
know.
.

Relevant Pages
Loading