OT: A few jokes making the rounds

Too much saving the world going on here lately with the fires out west
and abortion issues. Here are a few jokes that are making the rounds;
some I've heard before; others I haven't. - Greg

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor."

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"

Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears."

Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

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After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the
Obstetrician.

"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little
upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have
black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the
gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on
both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have
sex?"

The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the
past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently. "It's rust."

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T.G.I.F. vs S.H.I.T.

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a
blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He
smiled at her & replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled, & repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her
biggest
smile & said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her & once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, "'T-G-I-F'
means
'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday".

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A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open
this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.

Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. "Then he'll open
his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing
this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.


The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the
man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of
its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back
of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly Spoke up.........

"I'll try it -Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

.