(OT) A flight/Turkey report!

I know, I know, so many of you either love-r-hate me, but, I have to share!

We were supposed to leave earlier then 4:30 AM last Monday like I wanted, so as to have plenty of time getting to the airport on time.

We had a 6:08 departure time and with the E-Tickets we had purchased months ago,that means we had to get the boarding passes a MINIMUM of 50 minutes before hand.

Even though we had only some carry on luggage, we were too late to use the automated machines by two minutes, because we had trouble finding a parking space. Soooo, we had to wait in line, a rather LONG line, even at that hour of the morning.

 Needless to say, we missed out on our scheduled flight from Newark to
Chicago to Reno, which would have put us there in Reno at 10 AM Monday!
(DRAT!)

However,when we did manage to get to the desk, they found us a flight that would depart an hour later that went to Dallas instead, and left at 7:10 AM.
But alas, that would be a "stand-by", and almost 6 hour layover in Dallas! :(

They said it looked very good that we would be able to make it.

Also, when one is making such a last minute change to a standby, they mark you as "Interesting" and the security checks are really tightened up.
Meaning, both Judy and I had to step aside while being processed, and were thoroughly probed, opening up her carry-on completely (they left mine alone for some reason) and wanded and hand searched both of our bodies.
I should mention that my foot had been giving me some rather severe
problems the last week, so I bought along with me a collapsible, metal,
walking cane that I kept in my carry-on.
I was stunned that they didn't open my bag as I am sure it would have
looked like a hand gun with lots of barrel attachments!
But, nothing!

Anyway, the flight from NWK to Dallas/Ft.Worthless was just boring and left on time (sorta) and arrived on time(sorta).
It wouldn't have mattered if it was late, because we did have a rather
extended stay their planned, now.

Upon arrival in Dallas, I made the calls we thought we should make to the Peppermill and Car rental place so as to let them know we would be arriving later then we planned, as well as my son who said would be there to greet us.
And so, there we sat, and sat, and sat.

 Bored out of my tree, I would want/desire a smoke, so I would have to step
outside the terminal to partake in one, then re-enter, and pass through
security to enter the terminal.

But just like the last time I flew out there, Dallas security is pretty
normal.
I just had to bring my ticket and ID, and then just put my metal containing stuff in my Coat, and along with my shoes, into a bin, and slide it through the x-ray machine while I flashed my credentials .
Easy!

I was wearing my red "Dish Satellite" T-Shirt, so by the third or fourth time through, I was pretty much getting on a first name basis with them.

Judy, basically just sat-n-slept in a boarding area and watched the/ our
bags as she snored contently as I wandered around and smoked just outside.

We couldn't check in or get out seating arrangements or find out for sure what gate even yet, as the flight wasn't even listed on the departure boards yet.

So when the flight did finally show up on the departure board and let us
know that the flight would leave in about 90 minutes, I woke up my darling bride and we walked down just two gates, (surprisingly enough(!) and learned that again we would indeed be on a stand-by flight, but the plane was "pretty packed... but we stood a small chance".

Oh Great! :/

By this time, Judy also wanted a smoke after all those hours, so we made our way out doors, only to be recognized by Security!

 "Hey DISHMAN! Wud you do? Get Married while you were waiting?"

Funny, assholes!

But even though this time we were both carrying our respective carry-ons, security was a breeze as we basically just slipped on through.

Sooooooooo, after that, we sat and watched TV in that boarding area, waiting until we heard mention of the flight being announced from the desk.
As soon as we did, we went up to check in, only to be told that they will
call our names just before boarding so as to know if we can even make it.

Every ten minutes, a different name is being called, and we are getting VERY
worried................... and ........then,....... at the 11th
hour............ we hear both or names,(pronounced correctly I might add!)
"Mr. Kenneth Frenchu and Hsiao-Ping Wu, Get yer respective fat and beautiful
asses up hea, PRONTO!"


WOOO HOOOO!

We made it!
Unfortunately, we could not sit together!
I got sandwiched between two idiots that were even wider than me in row 26, just behind the wing.

Judy got comfy back in row 36 (last isle) sitting across the isle from a woman who had a large Pit bull kinda looking dog, who bought THREE SEATS!
One for her, and TWO for the mutt, so that it could lay down on the seats!

I couldn't believe it!
That was the second time that same day I saw people bring dogs onto the
plane without them being contained in a "kennel" of sorts!

As we were being backed out, I looked around, and sure enough, WE were L U C K Y just to be aboard, as there wasn't another empty seat on the entire flight!

Then, the strangest thing happened.

We landed in Reno!

But it was late at night, and we were tired.

We, or rather, I,  then hobbled to the rent-a-car place (Budget), where our
brandy spanky new Chevy "Classic" was awaiting for someone like me to
manipulate the controls.

My foot was in a really bad way by now, being all cooped for that last 3
hour tour! (A THREE HOUR TOUR!)
So I broke out the cane and remembered just by the luck of the gods where
the Peppermill was from the Airport (Hard to miss, as you can see that
whorehouse from two miles away!)  so that we could fall down and sleep
between those goofy feeling sheets that Hotels tend to use.

When we showed up at the Peppermill, I of course gave the keys of our car to
a perfect stranger who said he was a Valet Parking attendant, who traded me
with a slip of heavy paper with some numbers on it.
(I got the better deal!)  :)

We were given room 2337, in the Annex section of course, only to find when
we were arriving to it, we saw a sign in the hallway that said it was a NON
SMOKING SECTION!

"UH OH!"

 Judy then gave me  "THE "LOOK!"

I saw _that_ "look" before!
It's already been a bad day, I just knew it wasn't going to get better if I
didn't correct this problem swiftly.

When we get to that room, the door is not latched.
When I push the door open and enter the room first, and.....  it's C O L D
as hell!

I invite Judy in, after I make sure it's empty and safe.

 I hit the light switch, and it's still dark as a black cat in a powerless
African coal mine at midnight....

And it smells Horrible!
Turns out, they are remodeling that entire section of the annex, and the
paint fumes are contributing to the odors.

I call up the front desk and demand some immediate changes.

Sure as heck, THEY screwed up!
 (Duh!)

Room 2227 is just down the way and the "attendant" will be there right
swiftly.

Much better!

Same kinda room, but instead of two Queens like that original room, one
KING.
Less smell, Too!

All rooms have rather large-n-cute Plasma/LCD wide screen TV's that make
everybody look fat, because those NINNIES forgot to consider the aspect
ratio that the end user (the paying customer) can't adjust!

Anyway, we really weren't there to watch TV.

WE SLEPT!.............. (well, we did after we gave a few hundred to the
paying of rent and lease options and property taxes to the Peppermill via
the slot machines!)  :)

The Peppermill does indeed have some very good food, and fairly decent
service ,I might add.

When asked, they will promptly deliver a "personal" Coffee machine (like we
did to make coffee, or hot water for tea) or even a microwave to your room
for nothin'!

 Turns out that my son's wife is a bartender there, but, she had that week
off while we were visiting. (Ask for Hazel and tell 'em I sent you!.. She's
the Philippino woman with ageless beauty!)

ANYWAY.....
While I was there, I had realized that by the time we had BOTH woken from a
much deeply needed sleep the next day, it was too late or pointless to
contact personally the people that I wanted to ,well, contact.

What I as a husband had to do now, was try to entertain the wife as much as
possible.
After all, she was not very comfortable being here in my old stomping
grounds to begin with.

Funny that, as she admitted to me "FINALLY" , what I had been saying to her
since day one, when I was very willing and happy to go out with her ANY
WHERE with her and her friends!

Meaning, I felt left out, uncomfortable, alone, "odd man  out", when I was
the "Stranger, in a Strange Land", when they and her friends got talking in
Mandarin...I just sat there like a big booby, wondering... "you actually eat
this... like that?"

 KeWl!  :)

While Judy and I get along amongst ourselves just fine, she feels AND FELT
the same way when parked in the same lot I constantly was in!

ALONE!

 SO, I took her away from my wants, and concentrated on her needs and
focused on her attention.

Knowing that, she saw the light and realized what I was going through all
this time.
A rather intense breakthrough, I think.

Especially now  I realize that, considering the way she woke me up that next
WONDERFUL morning!

After ten minutes of "discussion", after we hit the sack that LATE night, we
gave the maid a real reason to change the linens that next morning!  :)

Moving on....

As a man, I had to "stand pump", and let her know that I had to have a bit
of time that didn't involve focusing on her hobby....feeding the slot
machines!

 I spent the day before the timely consuming of a dead fowl, with my  GREAT
son!
And yes, I got to consume mass quantities at JIMBOYS Tacos!
http://www.jimboys.com/
(Truly, the only real reason I flew out there!)


Then, as *** would have it,  THE D A Y!

We all drove out to my Mom's house to partake in the FEASTIVAL!

Seven miles short of Lake Topaz!
 BEAUTIFUL countryside.
 So close to nothing!

Quite the drive, but well worth it!
 Seeing Mom-n-Fred, as well as Mike-n-Hazel and their incredible, mutual
close friend Tony, made the entire trip so very worth while.
( I must add, that Tony is someone that I have always wanted to meet, and
while I did eventually did so, I feel great sorrow in not being able to
spend more time with, along with, well, everyone.)


I wish I could have re-seen-n-met more, but alas.... time and other things
were simply not on my side.


And then we left!

Waky Waky time on that dreadful Friday Morning!
 We departed that room in due time,(4.5 O- Crock) during the early morning
darkness.
Luckily, I got to buy something the day before with my money instead of
stuffing it all into those thankless machines!
 I bought a few DVD's which were VERY COOL!
 Star War's III, Steve Via- Live at the Astoria, London, and Frank Zappa's
"The Dub Room."
 All Kewl!


Up again at 4:30!
(I'm already packed and ready to launch the night before.

Judy and I both share a rather hot shower..... and I lick off the suds!

My foot was feeling great the day before, but. it's acting up again this
morning as we both walk down to the check out and then to the Valet to get
the car.

 I get the car, give a tip, belch, and bubbles come out!  (oops!)

I head down the roads towards the airport, my wife holding my hand like we
were knew found lovers, when I realize that I have to pump gas, so as to
fill the tank of the automocar we rented.

 I manage to put in the same amount of gas needed ($9.50) to make the tank
register FULL, so as NOT to make the wife scream at me for not paying the
fee to circumvent the renta car agreement for filling the tank beforehand no
matter what amount we use, and return the car and get the ticket and go
to...
 SECURITY!

Sure as ***, we get singled out again!
(all due to the first flight!)

RENO security is even MORE SO than Newark, as they not only do the same
thing as in Newark, but more so!
 But, they are much more kind and VERY courteous!

While they make me unbutton my pants, ( I have no idea what they are doing
to Judy!)
they also "sniffed" my bags as well, took my wallet,  re- x-rayed it
separately, took my camera apart, examined my cane, and REALLY felt  me up!
He even said  he was sorry about my sore foot, while he gently lifted and
examined the wrong one!
In fact, he kept apologizing whenever his gloved hands tickled me, and as he
walked away with my wallet, telling me.. "Keep watching... Keep watching" so
as keep him "non liable" for whatever could happen to it as it got sucked
into the machine for the second time.
Turns out that certain "Hand Lotions" can trigger the "Sniffers", and I did
indeed swipe all the soap, Shampoo, and lotion from the room!



All eventually worked out swell, and Judy and I had our tickets and were
ready to board the plane.
Then, we boarded the plane with food that my Mom gave us from the feastival
(About two pounds of Turkey wrapped in tin foil)... ON TIME!

However, about 10K feet above the ground, on an otherwise calm morning when
rain was just hitting in Reno that morning, we experienced some of the most
TERRIFYING turbulence that I and many others have ever encountered.
 It was a VIOLENT side-to-side JARRING with some rather odd up-n-downsies,
filling the cabin with screams of doom and despair that lasted for many
minutes.

Eventually, I think I mellowed out and shut up!  :(

We got to Dallas(as planned) and on time!
Landed like we were dumped into marshmallow fluff!
 Wooo  HOOO Sa Moooooth!!

Time there? About 1 hour before our next scheduled lift off.

So, the wife and I headed to a "TGIF" eatery across from our boarding gate,
and I scarfed down one their "Jack Daniel's Burgers!"
It was Disgusting, so leave off the "sauce!"

Judy ordered one of their "3-for-all" which is basically an appetizer, and
had it packed to go!
http://www.tgifridays.com/menu/index.htm  , which we took turns eating in
front of the other idiots that paid 4 bucks for peanuts and a stale twinky
when we did get on our flight from Dallas to Home!

By the by, that flight was smooth as silk, but to pass the boredom, I had to
suffer watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
 A rather terrible remake of "Willy Wonka".
 I never could stand Johnny Depp before, and I most certainly can't stand
him now, even more!

With the tail winds, we arrived in Newark ten minutes ahead of time, at
which time Judy asked me....... " Do you remember where we parked the car?"

B L I N K!

"Uh Oh!"

I somehow remember "P-3"
 So when we got on Newark's Skytrain, and when we got off at P-3, I got my
cain while Judy stayed warn inside.

Sure as ***, I lit a cig as I wandered through the lot, I found the car,
started the ol' gal up, and started driving home...then remembered the wife
and luggage, and got them all into the car... THEN drove home!


Well, that was My Thanksgiving week.

 Hope yerz was just as fun!

.