Re: Who's coming for Thanksgiving?

Julia Altshuler wrote:


I've just run into this. I invited my friend's 2 daughters for the
weekend. I told them they were welcome to invite their friends. They
did, and I emailed their friend to invite her directly. Now she's
answered with a lovely note telling me how grateful she is for the
invitation and how she's not sure she'll be able to make it because
she's not feeling well and has a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, but
that she really hopes she can.

It's a lovely note, and she's very young, only 18, so I can't expect her
to know the ins and outs of accepting invitations. I'm not too annoyed,
but it still occurs to me that an invitation for a weekend isn't
something you can leave your options open on until the last minute. Now
I'm expected to plan on her being here while, at the same time, plan on
her not.

What a drag. She was almost raised right. It obvious that she has never
hosted a similar event on her own and doesn't appreciate the work and
expense involved. Read between the lines. She isn't coming. She is trying
to decline politely.


This has been going on since I was in college. One year I sent out
written invitation for a Passover seder and asked for an RSVP. People
answered the day of the event. The next year I sent out invitation with
a respond-by date. I had one invited guest argue with me that she might
have the chance to go canoeing and therefore COULDN'T let me know sooner
than 2 days before. If I explain that I must have a definite answer,
they tell me O.K., I'll definitely be there-- and then not show up.
Obviously, these people never get invited again, but that's not
satisifactory at the time.


I agree. There are some people who are no longer invited to our dinners.
One is a friend of my wife who is a bit of an oddball. We once called her
up and invited her for dinner on a Sunday. We had a roast ready to go and
my wife thought that since there was lots to spare so she called her up at
4 pm to see if she wanted to come for dinner. The woman accepted and she
was told dinner was to be ready for 6, come at 5 or drinks. She had no
plans so she accepted. She showed up after 7. It turned out that after
accepting, she got in her car and drove to a craft show in a town about 15
miles away. While she was there she ran into a former boss who had caused
her a lot of grief and was so upset ...... Sorry, but it was a roast and
we went ahead. Another time she was here visiting and my wife asked her to
stay for dinner. The roast was in the oven. She went home to change and to
feed her cat, a cat that is often left at home alone for a week at a time.
She lives less than 5 minutes drive from here, and came back just as we
were finishing.

Another woman on the do not ask list is the woman who had been dating my
brother in law until he died. She was with him when he died. We were
having my parents and my wife's parents for dinner and had invited it. She
was told drinks at five and dinner at six. I was in the kitchen just
before 6 making the gravy when the woman called to say that she wasn't
feeling well and could I come and get her. No, I could not. She lives at
least 40 minutes from us. Forty minutes there, forty minutes back, round
it off to an hour and a half. No goddam way am I ruin a roast and making
the other guests wait an hour and a half for the sake of someone who called
at the last minute. She could have called earlier. Besides, the woman was a
pathological liar, and if she was really sick wouldn't have wanted to go
out.

This woman had serious truth issues. The last time I saw her I had stopped
off to give here something. She had a "small favour" to ask.... could we
drive her up to her cottage and her help open it up for the season. Just a
small favour. The cottage is a 5 hour drive from here. She said that her
neighbour had backed into her car and it is not derivable. I saw the
damage to her front left fender. It had obviously been scrapped by the
corner of a brick wall. It was dented and scrapped, not backed into by a
car.

The woman was such a bad driver that a few years earlier she had run over
herself....seriously. She was on her way out, stopped and reached out to
put something in the garbage can, fell out of the car and then it rolled
forward and over her leg.
.

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