awful time with daughter re riding

Hi all. I saw the video "Every Ride, Every Time" the other day and so
I made a rule that my daughter, who lives for her horse Q, is not
allowed to ride unless she wears a helmet. I wear one all the time
now after my big wreck in 2003 or whenever it was (see, head injury
prevents accurate recall...)

She is a very good two shoes, safety oriented kid, who's always on
other people's cases about driving too fast, not using seat belts, use
of illegal drugs, etc etc etc. She's estranged from her father
because she believes he drinks too much before driving and that he
drives recklessly. She has a heart attack over the idea of anybody
breaking even tiny stupid laws... So you'd think she'd be all over
wearing a helmet while riding. But, no.

She wore one when she was small, but once she was about 11 and taking
lessons with some stockhorse types here, she stopped. It was OK with
me - nobody we rode with or learned from wore one, so it was just par
for the course.

But now I feel differently, that it's just not worth the risk. I know
there are ways to get hurt or killed on horses other than head
injuries, but anything that's available for safety should be used.
Especially after my head injury... My daughter, however, is very angry
with me and will not wear a helmet. I am dumfounded as to why. She
always talks about kids who don't strap on their bike helmets but just
have them resting on their heads are stupid. She believes in that b/c
it's the law, I suppose. She says the helmets hurt her head and are
uncomfortable and hot. Yes, they are, but it's more uncomfortable to
have a head injury...imo.

So, she hasn't ridden in a week over this and says she won't ride
period until she's 18 and can be on her own. Since she works for me
schooling lesson and sale horses, I'm out a worker (and she's out the
money I pay her, which is in lieu of an allowance.) She is very
independent and I have always given her a lot of leeway to make
decisions for her own life - it's been easy since she's such a goody-
two-shoes, so granted, my sudden firmness in this matter is very
unexpected for her. She will be 17 in November. I've offered to take
her to the tack shop and find her a nicer helmet that she likes. She
says no. I told her if she stops riding her horse I might sell him
but I can't imagine doing that to her - she loves him. I think she's
being a hard headed ignorant stubborn kid. My boyfriend says he's
proud of me for laying down the law, but that's just because he thinks
I should be a tougher parent in general - not because he agrees with
helmet use. He won't wear one and has the same opinion she has, that
nothing is going to happen.

So, I guess I'm just posting to hear all your thoughts. I am very
frustrated and upset about this. She is a GREAT rider, and she is a
huge help to me in keeping the lesson horses going the way I want them
to. My working students and other riders just basically confirm that
my horses have good natures and can put up with a lot - Allison is the
only one who actually teaches them anything of value when she rides
them - well, and me, but I can't do the faster gaits and I can't do it
for long before I'm in too much pain. And I don't ride anything that
might jump around too much as it's too painful on my hips.

So, I'm bummed out but planning on sticking to my guns. I guess we'll
see who means it more...
take care,
cindi

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