Re: What would you do?

In message <Tb2kUwNGS36EJAg$@quik.clara.co.uk>, Patti <Patti@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> writes

There is a paradox in that she is asking you to make these quilts for her bosses (and her - again) and yet she has told you she thinks it is a 'cheap idea'. She must think highly of your work at some level.

That's interesting, that's not how I read it. I got the impression she thought a quilt was a "cheap" (her own words) "homemade" gift. She's ready to put hers in a yard sale having owned it less than a year, but she thinks it'd be a good cheap way to give a gift to her bosses for around £20-£30 each (Debbi's estimate). She has no appreciation whatever of the cost, time, skill or love involved and I certainly would not give her a "hand-made" gift again if she were my MIL. I'm sure she'll be much happier with earrings or bubble bath, and Debbi will be happier too.

You have to have an idea of how the person asking will react, but I have had good results with talking about costs for materials and the time involved. I don't cost my time. This has put off a lot of people who want me to "run up" a quilt for them when they think it takes me an evening or two and costs maybe a few tens of pounds. This is a common belief, and I find it also applies to other crafts, such as knitting. Pick a sweater from a pattern book and chances are the yarn alone will cost upwards of £50 and the time involved could be almost anything as long as it's a looong looong time. Not that I ever pay that for yarn - I haunt the sales, I recycle old clothes, and I am able to adjust patterns to suit the yarn I have.

If I asked a favour of a neighbour and then found it was a much more complicated deal than I had thought - e.g. if I asked someone to trim my hedge and it turned out they had broken their leg, or if I asked to borrow someone's blender and it turned out it was a valuable antique, I would of course withdraw my request, apologise for not realising the implications, and the only bad feeling would be my own for asking for something I thought was small but it turned out I was asking for something very large indeed. There would be absolutely no need for the other person to feel bad, especially if they didn't refuse my request, but simply illuminated my ignorance.

I think we all need to practice saying "No". It's a little word, shouldn't be hard. Everyone, sitting in front of your computers right no, look straight forward and say in a clear voice "No". And don't say "sorry" after.
--
Mel Rimmer
www.bean-sprouts.blogspot.com

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