Re: QI WISDOM

ROFL!! I have one of these (QI Maisy) sitting in front of the keyboard
right now cuddling and rubbing - my mouse hand!!! No matter how much I
offer the non mouse hand for scratches she wants the other!

--
Sharon from Melbourne Australia (Queen of Down Under)
http://www.geocities.com/shazrules/craft.html (takes a while to load)
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/shazrules/my_photos (same as website but
quicker)

"SNIGDIBBLY" <snigdibbly@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:BahNf.112119$4l5.50885@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
CAT WISDOM...

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've
joined
the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often
frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the
course
of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have
bothered
to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans anyway? Why
not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have
struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually
rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors,
getting
the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations, and other
activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult
to
do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans, and lemurs also have opposable
thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How and When to Get Your Human's Attention

Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important
activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting
business, spending time with their families, or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your
advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is
usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to
get
you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same
practice.

Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you
want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of
it, chances are good it assumes the paper is more important than you. It
will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy
over
this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well
with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys, and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and
4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this
time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an
incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to
scratch
deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to
keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly
resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have
to
punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or
eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated
humans
are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU.
Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

* Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

* Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic
interlude.

* Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a
hairball
attack.

* After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film,
stand
by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

* While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the
thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that
humans
prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a
slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy
and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been
presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following:
cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes, and
the
occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals
(birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When
you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

You are obligated to your human for only one of your lives. The other
eight
are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most
humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the
same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs
will take you only so far.

--
http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
SNIGDIBBLY
~e~
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http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/snigdibbly.
http://www.ebaystores.com/snigdibblysscrapbox&refid=store




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