Re: FOOT-N-MOUTH DISEASE
- From: "Carey N." <ctrnorkus@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 16:17:35 GMT
Sings, those last two are killers!!
--
Carey in MA
"SNIGDIBBLY" <snigdibbly@xxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:_izVe.17912$tB5.8555@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
> back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a
> few people who did....
>
>
> FIRST TESTIMONY
> I walked into a hair salon with my husband
> and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
>
> "How much do you charge for a
> shampoo and a blow job?"
>
> I turned around and walked back out
> and never went back.
>
> My husband didn't say a word...
> he knew better.
>
>
> SECOND TESTIMONY
> I was at the golf store comparing different
> kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with
> the women's type I had been using.
>
> After browsing for several minutes, I was
> approached by one of the good-looking
> gentlemen who works at the store. He
> asked if he could help me.
>
> Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
>
> "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>
>
> THIRD TESTIMONY
> My sister and I were at the mall and passed by
> a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
>
> As we were looking at the display case, the boy
> behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
>
> I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
>
> My sister started to laugh hysterically, The boy
> grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>
> To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.
>
>
> FOURTH TESTIMONY
> While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>
> I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving
> looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
>
> I told her that if she did not start behaving
> "right now" she would be punished.
>
> To my horror, she looked me in the eye
> and said in a voice just as threatening,
>
> "If you don't let me go right now,
> I will tell Grandma that I saw you
> kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>
> The silence was deafening after this
> enlightening exchange. Even the
> tellers stopped what they were doing.
>
> I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
> out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>
> The last thing I heard when the door closed
> behind me, were screams of laughter.
>
> FIFTH TESTIMONY
> Have you ever asked your child a question too many
> times?
>
> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems
> with potty training and I was on him constantly.
>
> One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
> lunch in between errands. It was very busy,
> with a full dining room.
>
> While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
> funny, so of course I checked my seven-month
> -old daughter, and she was clean.
>
> Then I realized that Danny had not asked
> to go potty in a while, so I asked him if \
> he needed to go, and he said "No".
>
> I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
> accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
>
> Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE
> you didn't have an accident?"
>
> "No," he replied.
>
> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
> because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo,
> I asked one more time,
>
> "Danny, did you have an accident?"
>
> This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled,
>
> "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST F*RTS!!"
>
> While 30 people nearly choked to death
> on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
> up his pants and sat down.
>
> An old couple made me feel better by thanking
> me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>
> LAST TESTIMONY
> This had most of the state of Michigan laughing
> for 2 days and a very embarrassed female
> news anchor who will, in the future,
> likely think before she speaks.
>
> What happens when you predict snow but
> don't get any....a true story...
>
> We had a female news anchor who, the day
> after it was supposed to have snowed and
> didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
>
> "So, Bob, where's that 8 inches
> you promised me last night?"
>
> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half
> the crew did too..... they were laughing so hard!
>
>
> http://community.webshots.com/user/snigdibbly
> SNIGDIBBLY
> ~e~
> <">
> / \
> http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/snigdibbly.
> http://www.ebaystores.com/snigdibblysscrapbox&refid=store
>
>
.
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