Re: OT: You Gotta Love Little Kids!!

Raising a child to age 18, over $100,000.
Experiencing a childs passage through those years.... PRICELESS!
: 0 )

On 29 Jul 2005 12:33:03 -0700, NoOption5L@xxxxxxx wrote:

>Too funny not to share...
>
>A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
>She asked him if it was dead or alive.
>"Dead." She was informed.
>"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"
>explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
>move."
>_______________________________________________
>
>A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>Five minutes later....
>"Da-ad...."
>"What?
>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
>"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
>Five minutes later:
>"Da-aaaad....."
>"WHAT?"!
>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>Five minutes later......
>"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>"WHAT!"
>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>________________________________________________
>
>An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and
>out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
>sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>________________________________________________
>
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
>her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
>with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
>"The big sissy."
>_________________________________________________
>
>It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>sermon.
>All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
>wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor
>leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter
>Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
>microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>_______________________________________
>
>When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
>shower.
>She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,
>remember Mommy
>has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
>growing in your ***?"
>_________________________________________________
>
>A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
>five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
>bitch is nine...."
>His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>"Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
>day,
>"What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right
>now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
>them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the
>teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two
>plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>_________________________________________________
>One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
>tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
>up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
>farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he
>said: 'Holy ***! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach
>for the next 10 minutes.
>
>Patrick
>'93 Cobra

Spike
1965 Ford Mustang fastback 2+2 A Code 289 C4 Trac-Lok
Vintage Burgundy w/Black Standard Interior; Vintage 40
16" rims w/BF Goodrich Comp T/A gForce Radial
225/50ZR16 KDWS skins; surround sound audio-video.

"When the time comes to lay down my life for my country,
I do not cower from this responsibility. I welcome it."
-JFK Inaugural Address
.