Re: OT: The View



Dana Carpender wrote:



Shirl wrote:

Shirl:

Limiting exposure is different than completely cutting
a grandparent out of a child's life (or vice versa). Few
parents and grandparents are perfect, if we cut people
out completely just because they have some odd quirks,
few of us would associate with our relatives,



Dana Carpender <dcarpend@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

There is a difference between "odd quirks" and being really toxic. My friend Tonya discovered that one of her relatives had molested both of her daughters. Yet her family still expects her to play "happy families" and have Thanksgiving and Christmas with the guy. I think that's just plain wrong.



OF COURSE, I was not referring to molesting a child as an "odd quirk". Let's use a little common sense here. I would NEVER suggest anyone continue having their kids associate with a child molester, even if said molester happens to be the grandparent, parent, etc. The previous description was of a grandparent who had issues with kids after they reached the age where they're able to have opinions of their own and think for themselves, nothing was said about the guy being a child molester.



Cool. I was mostly trying to establish that there are reasons that are sufficient for cutting off family members.

Now, how about a grandparent who consistently undermines parental authority, and who talks trash about their daughter- or son-in-law to their grandchildren?

How about a parent who is endlessly manipulative, and respects no boundaries?

How about a parent who has a serious drug or alcohol problem?

A parent who spends themselves into bankruptcy, and repeatedly expects their children to bail them out, even to the detriment of their family finances?

A parent who was not physically abusive, but who has been emotionally and verbally abusive all one's life?

Where are the lines?


I will add to my own post that after my MIL had been to our house for our wedding she sent me a card with a note enclosed. The note opined that we obviously had the same interior decorator as Ma and Pa Kettle, except for the chickens in the kitchen and the old refrigerator on the front porch, and she "couldn't understand how two people who love each other so much could be happy living in such squalor." I cannot begin to tell you how much I wish, in retrospect, that I had sent back a note saying, "I'm so sorry our home is not up to your standards. Please rest assured that you need never be a guest here again."

I do *NOT* believe in playing "happy families" with people who treat me like crap.

Dana
.

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