Mike and Kevin at Exoticon, pt. 9 - Number 9, Number 9, Number 9...


Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy's Exoticon I presentation, pt. 9
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Kevin: Um, yes, the man in the glasses there.

Glasses man: What is the one Hollywood blockbuster more than
anything else you'd love to get your hands on, and is it true that
Joe Don Baker got really pissed off at you guys for doing "Mitchell"?

Kevin: I think the more fun question right now is what is the one
Hollywood blockbuster that we would like to do right now more than
anything else. For me, in a word, "The Postman".

[several audience members scream "Yes! Please!"]

Kevin: Mike just did an article on the movie for Home Theater
magazine.

Mike: If you trim about an hour and 45 off of it, I think we could
do it, yeah. It's a loooong movie.

Kevin: It could be...it is *transcendently* stupid, for those who
haven't seen it. It could very well...the thing that I love the most
about it is the appearance of a fully BAKED Tom Petty, as the mayor
of Damned City, or Damned World... or whatever the hell was going
on. [lowers voice] I don't give a *** what was going on. [normal
voice] That would probably be the...

Mike: The occasionally Hispanic Tom Petty.

Mike and Kevin together, singing with a heavy Hispanic accent: It's
all right if you love me...

[audience explodes with laughter]

Mike: He's the palest, whitest man I've ever seen and he's talking
like the Frito Bandito. What is that?

[more laughter]

Mike: Ah, personally "Armageddon" for me.

[several "Whoo!"s from the audience]

Mike: I was really punished by that movie.

Kevin: I would have to say, second on my list is actually "Deep
Impact".

Audience: Yes! There you go!

Mike: No animal crackers in the panties in that one, though.
You're missing out on that.

[someone in the audience shouts "Anaconda!"]

Kevin: That's true, but if, you know, Tea Leoni, you know, going
from nothing to being the HEAD anchor for [switches to
mock-reverential tone] MS-NBC. [normal voice] And apparently, you
know, this is, you have to think of..."Deep Impact" of being a truly
bleak vision of the future. Because it seemed apparent that
everyone was watching MS-NBC. That, to me, is a bleak vision of
the future.

Mike: If she had landed that job at the pet channel...

Kevin: OK, question, question, we'll head over here now...Uh, the
black glove there. The white black panther, I think it is? It's
rare, you know, but...you never know.

Black glove man: Hey, it's a CARICATURE, OK?

Mike: You don't have to *live* it.

Black glove's friend: That's just him.

Kevin: OK.

Black glove man: Do you dread, during the show, ever getting...
running into another film as dreadful and awful and wretched as
"Manos, the Hands of Fate"?

Audience: Ahhh!

Kevin: I think we have, actually.

Mike: You see, I *like* "Manos".

Kevin: "Manos" was charming, in it's own way. It was like a snuff
film, without the snuff and with some charm to it. It was actually
quite...

Mike: I think that one I actually enjoyed, so I can't say...what's
been worse than that?

Woman in audience: "Prince of Space"

Guy in audience: "Neptune Men"

Kevin: "Invasion of the Neptune Men".

Mike: "Invasion of the Neptune Men"...[some mumbled comment I can't
make out]

Audience member: "Castle of Fu Manchu!"

Kevin: I think "Red Zone Cuba"...

[audience groans]

Kevin: ...probably did more to suck the soul out of my body and
take everything that was good and kind with it.

Mike: I can attest to that, yes.

Audience member (Alfred?): "Monster-a-Go-Go".

[a woman in the audience laughs as if she doesn't believe that
"Monster-a-Go-Go" is a real movie title]

Kevin: "Monster-a-Go-Go" I also actually enjoyed.

Audience member: Why?!?

Kevin: Because it was SO pathetic. You know, I've actually talked
to Bill Rebane on the phone, who did "Monster-a-Go-Go" and "Giant
Spider Invasion", and he's a sweet old fellah, and he's very well
meaning, and he just goes out there and has fun making films, but
it's kinda like your tone-deaf Grandma sitting down to favor you
with some songs. You know, on Thanksgiving weekend, and she can't
sing at all and yet she tries. [breaks into an off-key, wavery,
old-lady singing voice] "And save my sooouuuul, my savior, God,
to theeeee." [normal voice] That's Bill Rebane in a word.

Some guy in the audience: That was more than one word.

[awkward pause]

Kevin: It WAS more than one word. Thank you for pointing that out.

[some laughs, and one woman says "for those of us who didn't know"]

[Mike looks for another question and points to a man in the back of
the room with a home-made Tom Servo puppet]

Mike: Ah, yes. Mr. Tom Servo. Yes?

Tom Servo guy: All right. I'm wasting my question here because I
have a step-son, who basically built this Tom Servo, who can't be
here today because he's in the wrong state.

[a couple "awww"s from the audience]

Tom Servo guy: And I'm wasting my question for him. Basically, I'm
going to be the ultimate geek fan, because that's what he is...

[A woman in the audience says "fanboy!"]

Tom Servo guy: Could you please, could you please, please, please,
do something, on paper, for him, strange?

Kevin: What does he look like? Does he look like you?

Tom Servo guy: No.

Kevin: We'll have to draw a caricature of his dad then, is what
we'll do. Stand right there, you're in a perfect position, and
we'll keep going with the questions a little bit. Uh, another
question here?

Woman in audience: OK, when you're at home, do you ever find
yourself making funny cracks about any movie you're watching? Like
you do on Mystery Science Theater?

Mike: When we're at home, do we make cracks about...uh, only during
Dharma and Greg. What the hell? It's an annoying person and a
little drone. What is that all about? Uh, but I've only seen that
once. [slightly sarcastic] Maybe it's gotten better? [normal] Uh,
not usually, I don't really watch too much TV, to quote the cliché.
[Old Money voice] I only watch PBS, a-huh-huh-huh. [normal voice]
PBS and TNT. To see the Nitro wrestling.

Kevin: [Jack Perkins voice] To me, that is *great* TV.

Woman in audience, referring to the wrestling: Good acting.

Kevin: I, uh, I only do that when I'm alone unfortunately, 'cause
nobody will be in the room with me if I start to comment at home.
I do try to leave my work at home [I think he meant to say "leave
my work at work"] because it does tend to lose you every friend you
have if you try to do these things elsewhere.

Mike: OK, next one. Sir, along the edge there?

Sir Along the Edge: How many times do you have to go through the
film to get the finished product?

Mike: How many times do we go through the film. Uh...

Kevin: We actually do it more than ever now.

Mike: Yeah. It's like, probably seven times.

Various audience members: Argh. Oh God. I feel for you. I feel
your pain.

Mike: I'm talking...I'm talking eight to ten hours viewings, frame
by frame...

Kevin: It's come down to...we're doing it a little bit differently
now, but it's come down to about seven working days, I think we
actually spend with the film, so... It's really hard with, uh...well,
wait until you see "The Blood Waters of Dr. Z" and then you'll
know...you'll know what I mean. It's...it's...really, really painful
sometimes. I mean, how many times do you guys watch one of our shows
before you just...the movie starts to really creep up on you and
you have to take a shower after viewing it?

Woman in the audience, matter-of-factly: Three.

Mike: OK, one more, there's a question way back in the corner there?

Yes? Your hand up?

Woman way back in the corner: Yes. Do you ever get fan mail from
the little-known actors who appeared in the films that you, uh...

Mike: Do we ever get fan mail from actors from our films?

Kevin: We got fan mail from some flounder.

Mike: [deriding Kevin's Bullwinkle reference] Yeah, yeah. No
we...sorry. [starts laughing and has to take a moment to compose
himself after Kevin's unexpected line] I think people are usually
pretty silent if they see themselves...

[audience laughs]

Mike: ...they don't want to draw further attention to themselves.
But there's been a few. Did we have any recently? I can only think
of the *famous* examples. Miles O'Keefe calling us...

Audience member: Bet that was fun.

Kevin: Oh yeah, there was Kim Cattrall.

Someone in audience: *** Contino?

Kevin: *** Contino actually wanted nothing to do with us,
apparently.

Mike: Oh, from the movie...what's his name...Rex Reason.

Kevin: Oh yeah.

[a woman in the audience laughs at Rex Reason's name]

Mike: Rex Reason kept calling me for a copy of the tape of the movie.
I don't know why, he just, like, he looked at the beginning of the
film... [old man voice] Mike Nelson. [normal voice] He called me up.
[Rex voice] Can I get a copy of my movie? [normal voice] I'm not the
guy who runs the channel and copys tapes off...but he's really hard
of hearing and so he never...

Kevin: He sounds exactly the same...Rex Reason does...as he did when
he made that movie so long ago. [booming Rex Reason voice] The exact
same voice! [normal Kevin voice] I did ask him to say "Rooth!" and
he did, he said [Rex voice] "Rooth!". [Kevin voice] and it was
perfect. It was one of life's perfect moments. For me at least, it
wasn't for anybody else.

(to be continued...)

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