Re: Dr. Legs has left the building!!

Doug Elrod <dre1@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>Jeffrey Johnson <jsjohnsonpi@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>> billfl@xxxxxxxxxx (Bill Livingston) wrote:
>> >Previously on "CMT Crossroads", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> >>billfl@xxxxxxxxxx (Bill Livingston) wrote:
>> >>"Vome"? Look, his family wouldn't "vome" if you put four million
>> >>volts through them!
>> >
>> >They're only resting, I tell you! Pining for the fjords!
>>
>> And they're doing it in YOUR HAMMOCK!
>
>You kids with your redefinitions of "pining" and all. It certainly
>puts THE GREAT NORTH WOODS in a new light!

Yes. We call that "aurora borealis".

>> >>Well, if it hadn't been a 42" plasma, I'd have said leave it be.
>> >
>> >I stringly considered it, but I already had his Tivo and his
>> >satellite dish.
>>
>> Well, if you have the twine of those, you may as well take the whole
>> nine yarns.
>
>It's cummerbundnet! Now with extra band-width! We toss in the string-
>telephone capability for free!

Wow! That sure beats trying to handshake with the server at 1/100 baud
with my current provider, SmokeSignalsOnline.

>> >>Oh, it does, really. If you'll notice, when you aren't passed out,
>> >>everybody ignores you. When you *are* passed out, we dress you up
>> >>like Dorothy and take pictures, then write stuff on your forehead
>> >>with a Sharpie. Unfortunately, you're missing out on all the fun
>> >>because you're passed out.
>> >
>> >Huh. Well, that explains the gingham and the little dog. I just
>> >want to know, who's writing in Urdu?
>>
>> What, that? That's not Urdu, it's just the scribbles we made trying to
>> get the Sharpie ink flowing.
>
>Little did the Earthlings know that the Sharpies were malfunctioning
>DELIBERATELY, and that those little scribbles were actually SIGNING
>AWAY THE EARTH to GALAXY X!

Just great. I mean, we already know that 8 out of 10 Earthlings prefer
Galaxy Y to Galaxy X in a blind subjugation test.

>> >>So now we know! And knowing is half the battle!
>> >
>> >Not only that, we're more than meets the eye.
>>
>> And we would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for we rascally
>> kids!
>
>Yeah, like the time we caught ourselves dressing up as Old Man Quigley!
>We'd almost made it to the semi-finals in the FIST-SHAKING OLYMPIAD!

And to think I was on my way to being a champion in the Geriatric
Pentathlon:

Sitting on the Porch Complaining About the Young Whippersnappers
Sitting on the Porch Yelling at the Young Whippersnappers
Reminiscing About Dead People You Never Knew
Freeway Merging at 35 MPH
Spontaneous Hip Displacement

>> >>I still claim that using TAIL-B-SUR is cheating. It's like juggling
>> >>a cat stuck inside a bowling pin. In fact, why did they make it look
>> >>so much like a bowling pin? I mean, there aren't even air holes!
>> >
>> >That's the secret aerodynamic design that makes TAIL-B-SUR such a
>> >great item. They're easy to grip, easy to toss and a dream to throw.
>> >Also, the manufacturer doesn't really like cats all that much.
>>
>> OH! I always thought that the burlap sack they sold labeled "Teach
>> Your Kittens To Swim" was a bit strange, but now I'm beginning to
>> understand.
>
>So, "Kittens" wasn't a euphemism, then? I'm guessing they won't take
>back the burlap sack, at this point....

Nope. Best to launder it once or twice then convert it to a hairshirt
in penance.

>> >>OK, take a step forward. No, take a step back. No, take a step
>> >>forward. A step back...now we're doing the Cha-Cha!
>> >
>> >The hell?!? You said it was the rhumba yesterday! Make up your
>> >mind!
>>
>> It *was* the rhumba yesterday. Keep up with the Joneses, Livingston.
>> (I would suggest watching their double-tapped two-step carefully
>> before attempting it yourself, though.)
>
>Just don't mistake it for the double-taped two-step. That's a good
>deal harder!

Plus, he's not very photogenic.

>> >>Yeah. And can I get some Free Fish Links to bulk up on those
>> >>omega-3 fatty acids?
>> >
>> >Sorry, we're out of stock, but you might try the "Rachel & Rain" shop
>> >down the block.
>>
>> I don't know. Not only do I hate the "ambience" of the store, but all
>> their food is soggy. Maybe if it was just Rachel.
>
>The "Nothing Soggy, Except Rachel" store? Genius!

I should never have taught Rachel to eat from the shower. But it seemed
like such a good idea at the time.

>> >>>Sorry, this is a very small hospital, all we have is this picture
>> >>>labeled "KAT" that my 3-year old nephew drew
>> >>
>> >>JSJ1TG, saaaay! That's good stuff! Kind of like Picasso's "Crayon"
>> >>period!
>> >
>> >Bill L.
>> >If you liked that, you might enjoy his latest work, "Wiggles
>> >Descending a Staircase".
>>
>> JSJ1TG, wow! It's like Wiggles is a *real* tapeworm!
>
>I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we can't use that in our new Wiggles
>promotional campaign. Perhaps you could work on the Crunchy Frog
>account, instead?

JSJ1TG, wow! It's like Crunchy Frog is a *real* tapeworm!

--
"Even the suspension of disbelief is more exciting this season. We don't
just have to suspend disbelief this year; we have to chase it down, tie
it up, and bludgeon it senseless." - Rick Thorne on "24", Season Four
--
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