1 minute play: "Relative G"
- From: acctope@xxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: 28 Apr 2006 16:50:17 -0700
1 minute play: "Relative G"
G_D: Welcome to heaven. Mankind has destroyed itself by war but I'm
giving you a chance to change it in this time machine.
(Andrew pointing at Brian)
ANDREW (meekly): But I'm an artist. He's the scientist.
G_D (angrily): I'm still putting you both back in turn 5 years into
the past.
(BRIAN falling to his knees)
BRIAN: Will I be given a lab?
G_D: You'll have complete control of the world.
(BRIAN rises from his knees)
ANDREW: So how do we stop the end?
G_D (imperiously): Know this. Some of my creations use atomic
explosions to fly between my stars.
(Exit stage ANDREW. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years
later)
G_D: Welcome back.
(BRIAN falling to his knees)
BRIAN: I failed.
G_D: Why?
(BRIAN rises from his knees)
BRIAN (imperiously): The speed of light barrier. Immense G forces!
Cannot be overcome by our best theories.
(Exit stage G_D. Lights off/on or gong sounds to indicate five years
later. Enter stage ANDREW. ANDREW carries in one hand an empty but
clean regular-size food tin-can)
(BRIAN hugs Andrew)
BRIAN: How did you do it?
ANDREW (casually): I commanded the first ever atomic explosion in
space.
BRIAN: Didn't it destroy the satellites?
ANDREW (hesitantly): 90%
BRIAN: Heavens above! What next?
ANDREW: I told the scientists to test again and the last 10% fell.
(ANDREW hands the empty tin can to BRIAN)
ANDREW: Straight away I said put this bang in a tin-can.
(BRAIN revolving the tin-can in his hands and peering into the empty
interior)
BRIAN: They understood?
ANDREW: Yes, we made a 50 tonne tin-can.
(BRAIN clasps with both hands ANDREW'S shoulders)
BRIAN: It worked?
ANDREW: No, it splintered into a million pieces.
(BRAIN releases ANDREW'S shoulders and stands back a bit)
ANDREW: I said to them make me one more but weighing ten thousand
tonnes.
(BRAIN speaks while throwing his hands into air to gesture absurdity)
BRIAN: Rubbish! That's too heavy to put into space.
(ANDREW speaks while opening and showing both palms to the audience)
ANDREW: So I asked the astronauts to assemble it in orbit.
(BRIAN stands on tiptoes and moves the tin-can in an arc at full
stretch)
BRIAN: Eureka!
(ANDREW gesturing a shooting star or fast car movement with one hand
- Grease Lightning parody style)
ANDREW: Upon detonation the tin-can left our solar system.
END
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