Re: Crit: LOC

On Wednesday, May 30, 2012 11:56:49 PM UTC-6, Joy Beeson wrote:
A while back, I wrote a letter to our local paper attempting to
persuade people that we ought to teach our children how to ride bikes.
When completed, the letter was, at best, lame -- so I posted it on
rec.arts.sf.fandom thinking that the comments would tell me what was
wrong.

The debate I sparked is still raging, but does not in any way refer to
anything I ever wrote. All I learned from posting the letter is that
it not only fails to convince people that my views are correct, it
fails to give any slight hint as to what those views are.

But we still have blood on the streets and we are still taking
desperate measures that range from useless to deadly, so I still want
to send the letter -- if you guys can help me make it comprehensible.
================================================


A Modest Proposal

Our child bike riders often behave as though they were trying to get
run over.

Our first-year drivers wrap themselves around trees and other vehicles
distressingly often.

Our adult drivers tend to aim for the spot where a cyclist will be
when the car gets there.

The first problem is simple, if expensive, to deal with: take the
kids out on their bikes and teach them the rules of the road. One
lesson per week for six weeks should do it -- if the phys-ed classes
are arranged back-to-back with health or a study hall, they could be
taken out four or five at a time without disrupting their other
studies.

Having taken care of the first problem, you get the other two free: If
you teach children the rules of the road when they are twelve, and do
it again at thirteen and fourteen and fifteen, when they are sixteen,
they will already be able to get through a four-way stop without
reciting the rules to themselves, and can concentrate on learning how
to handle a car.

And when they are adult drivers, they will be aware that bicycles are
not stationary objects.

================================================

--
Joy Beeson
joy beeson at comcast dot net

Your proposal is that schools teach bicycle riding road rules to children as part of Health and Physical Education classes?

I think that your thesis statement should be first, and then say why it's needed, instead of the other way around as you've got it. Be as clear as possible right away what you're after. Readers may not go past the first sentence before moving on.

"Our schools should teach bicycle safety and road rules to children as part of their Health and Physical Education classes. Too many of our child bike riders behave as if they are trying to get run over. They need supervised training on how to ride in traffic."

Go into details of what that training ought to look like, if you have a particular idea of what should be done.

And then say what the additional benefits would be... new drivers who were used to road rules and traffic, and less likely to be overwhelmed by that while they were learning to operate a car, and adult drivers more aware of bicycles.

In any case, that's how I'd do it.

-Julie
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Crit: LOC
    ... persuade people that we ought to teach our children how to ride bikes. ... when the car gets there. ... The first problem is simple, if expensive, to deal with: ... And when they are adult drivers, they will be aware that bicycles are ...
    (rec.arts.sf.composition)
  • Crit: LOC
    ... persuade people that we ought to teach our children how to ride bikes. ... The first problem is simple, if expensive, to deal with: ... And when they are adult drivers, they will be aware that bicycles are ... joy beeson at comcast dot net ...
    (rec.arts.sf.composition)