Re: [crit] experimental opening

On Sat, 31 Jan 2009 13:05:35 -0800, heather.jones@xxxxxxxxxxxxx (Heather
Rose Jones) wrote:

Jonathan L Cunningham <spam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Jonathan L Cunningham wrote:

No, it is for another reason. The story of Sophie
Langtree, and her dismal fate, is told in hushed tones
around the log fires in the picturesque little public
houses where the people of Meritrea gather behind locked
and bolted doors after dusk


<snip to juxtapose for contrast>

FWIW, imagine a story teller, sitting by the fire:

"This is the story of Sophie Langtree..." He looks around the audience
before continuing in hushed tones, "and her dismal fate." :-) :-)

Now _that_ is a voice that would keep me reading. I could well imagine
this particular voice being confined to a prologue-type set-up -- I
think it would pall if the frame continued for the entire story. But it
clicks for me i a way that your first version (above) doesn't.

It should be noted, though, that I have a particular distaste for
"intrusive authorial voice" as the frame for a story. The sort where

I don't like that voice much, myself. I'm a little surprised how *few*
people objected.

There's always the possibility that some people were so turned off by it
that they didn't continue, or post any comments. On balance I think it's
fair to conclude that it worked for what it was.

Eddison does something similar at the start of The Worm Ouroboros - a
frame story which he drops and never mentions again after the first
couple of pages. Although, having established a narrator, I would
intend to let him fade mostly into the background, but keep him around
and use him for exposition.

I did write it as an experiment. Patricia Wrede, when she was posting
here, said several times that it is very difficult to judge one's own
writing.

And I'm coming to the opinion that our collective knee-jerk reaction to
"infodumps are bad" is misleading, if not plain wrong. It's more a
question of doing them in a way which makes them interesting. An implied
narrator is one way to do this (although not necessarily such an
in-your-face narrator).

I know "show don't tell" but I think the infodump - done properly - is
the backstory/setting equivalent of the narrative summary approach to
skipping over a bit of plot. And, again, Patricia Wrede pointed out
several times that narrative summary is sometimes useful: "They went
from A to B in three months" can avoid three chapters of unnecessary
prose. :-)

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. This has been one of the more useful
crit pieces I've posted (from my pov) because the reactions were more
diverse, so there is more to think about and digest.

Jonathan

.

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