Re: CRIT: If Some Messenger
- From: James A. Donald <jamesd@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:59:15 +1000
Jonathan coughed on George's vidphone. "We had a surprise at the
funeral. Dad's mistress showed up with his clone."
Remus Shepherd
That's a better start, IMHO. You could replace the entire section
above with these two lines. Almost nothing would be lost, and you'd gain
a quick, meaty hook. Descriptions can be added back in later, if necessary.
Daniel R. Reitman
I disagree. That loses the pacing I was trying for. NTM that it
changes the way the characters are intended to interrelate.
Damn the characters and the relating. Where is the science fiction?
Bring in the science fiction early in the scene, then you can have
people relating and emoting by and by.
--
----------------------
We have the right to defend ourselves and our property, because
of the kind of animals that we are. True law derives from this
right, not from the arbitrary power of the omnipotent state.
http://www.jim.com/
.
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- From: Daniel R . Reitman
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