Re: Clue bats

In article
<e53c112f-2b4d-4075-a0d9-be4b3a343a73@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,
"J.Pascal" <julie@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

August started to rise but a small hand pulled him down again. "Why
are your eyes like that?"

He glanced up at Lady Kirikyan who simply raised one arched brow. What
harm in answering, then?

"I had my eyes replaced. My new ones can see in the dark." They could
also see infrared and in wavelengths beyond the visual. "They're
supposed to look natural so that people aren't made nervous by them."

Lark wrinkled his nose and peered very closely at one eye and then the
other. "They look silvery," he announced. "They don't make me nervous.
Seeing in the dark is fun."

"He's got a pair of toy goggles," his mother explained. "Time to let
the Enforcer go back to work, Lark."



So... I'm writing this and I realize that several people really can
see in the dark with their natural eyes, or at least see well in low
light. It's really not at all important that Lark isn't talking
about his non-existent toy infrared goggles, but it might be an
important clue to the abilities of his aunt and father, so that when
they operate in near darkness it doesn't seem so out of the blue.

And I'm wondering, then, if I should replace "Seeing in the dark is
fun." with "I can see in the dark." His mother explaining away the
remark clarifies that the boy didn't say that he'd like to see in the
dark, so maybe it's unnecessary.

I like subtlety, so would prefer the "is fun" version.

Or are they each equally obscure as a clue?

I think it's still pretty obscure--especially after it gets explained
away.
Are readers not going
to catch that, even in a "I didn't quite notice at the time, but" sort
of way? Are SF readers who are accustomed to pay attention to those
details likely to catch it?

My guess is that very few readers will notice it even after the fact,
unless at some point you make it clear either that the mother was
explaining away his statement so as to conceal the real reason, or that
he does in the fact see in the dark and find it fun.

I suppose it doesn't really matter if it's there and no one notices.

I agree. It does no harm, you and a very few readers get to enjoy it.

--
http://www.daviddfriedman.com/ http://daviddfriedman.blogspot.com/
Author of
_Future Imperfect: Technology and Freedom in an Uncertain World_,
Cambridge University Press.
.

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