Re: How to delay a moving van?

On 2008-01-08, J.Pascal penned:
On 8 Jan, 01:02, Daniel R. Reitman <dreit...@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
On Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:55:10 -0700, "Monique Y. Mudama"

<s...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Assuming the purpose is to protect the 16 year old from harm,
what's the difference?

Is it just the assumption that the 26 year old should know better
and is most likely just screwing around, whereas the 18 year old
doesn't know any better and mistakenly thinks it's true love? . .
. .

In mozt jurisdictions with an age differential system, the policy
seems to be prevention of abuse of power.

Exactly.

Saying what is the difference is like saying there isn't any
difference in a relationship between a teacher and student or doctor
and patient or minister and parishioner. Should we accept those
as well because the student, patient, or parishioner is plenty old
enough and "ready" to have sex?

Nit: I didn't say there wasn't any difference; I was asking what the
difference was. More accurately I should have asked what the
intention of such a law is.

If the student, patient, and parishioner are all mentally and
emotionally capable of making their own decisions (and yes, figuring out
what that means is difficult), I don't have a problem with it, except
maybe that as a fellow student I might be concerned that the teacher
might artificially inflate their paramour's grades.

This may be generational, but I don't think my doctor has a power
relationship over me. Any of my many doctors. Yes, they can choose
to withhold prescriptions, but then, I can choose to walk away and see
another doctor. I think my parents' generation is more likely to just
take what their doctors say on blind faith and trust that the doctor
knows the latest research. I go straight to google with any diagnosis
or prescription.

I mean, "ready to have sex" is a weird idea to me. It seems rather
obvious that any "child" who is "sexually mature" is ready to have
sex. Biology intends them to have sex at 12 and 13, but we pretend
that a 12 or 13 year old is not "ready" to have sex, despite their
bodies, and a 16 year old is ready to have sex with persons with
vastly greater power than them?

Perhaps this has more to do with how we educate our kids, so that we
do not prepare them mentally and emotionally for sex at 12, and so
they're really not ready. Or simply more to do with moms not wanting
the responsibility of (grand)kids they didn't choose to have. My mom
sure went on and on, when I was a kid, about not wanting to be a
grandmother and I'd better not expect any help if ... I assume if I
had gotten pregnant and kept the baby, she would have helped, but
that's what she was trying to avoid with dire threats.

Or maybe this is more the point -- that as long you're still
considered a dependent, your family doesn't want the additional
complication of additional family members they didn't bargain for,
like boyfriend/girlfriends and babies. Or it's a control thing -- "as
long as you live under my roof!" -- that is shared by enough people
that it's been instituted as law.

The 26 and 16 year old bother me (and obviously I'm not alone)
because it seems so very likely that what the 26 year old is usually
getting out of the relationship is control and dominance in an
unequal situation.

I agree that would seem likely. And I agree that 16 year olds *tend*
to be susceptible to tactics that, when they're older, don't work as
well.

I don't figure that teens ought to be having sex but I do realize
that they are *ready* to have sex from the time they are
biologically sexually mature. It makes a great deal of sense to me
to view sex with peers very differently from sex with people who are
not peers.

I remember being a teenager, and I remember the sex drive being
*strong*. To me at the time, irresistable. I was lucky in that I had a
stable relationship with a boy who cared deeply for me and wanted me to
enjoy myself. Overall I think I ended up with a much healthier and more
appreciative view of sex than a lot of girls who waited longer and had
less positive first (fourth, tenth, hundredth) experiences.

But I don't know how much the boyfriend, my parents' attitudes toward
sex, and my innate sex drive each contributed to what I feel was
overall a positive experience. I do not regret having been sexually
active at that age. I do wish I had done some things differently, but
"waiting till later in life" is not one of them.

--
monique
.

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