Re: [CRIT] Opening

R.L. <see-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

On Mon, 3 Sep 2007 15:21:20 +0100, Jonathan L Cunningham wrote:

Patricia C. Wrede <PWrede6492@xxxxxxx> wrote:

"Tina Hall" <Tina_Hall@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:MSGID_2=3A240=2F2199.13=40fidonet_4c068046@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jonathan L Cunningham <spam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Sally could almost have been Jane's twin, except with mousy brown
hair rather than Jane's pale blonde. She hesitated before answering.
"I think - I think I'd better learn this pattern again."

Jane was already given as blond, so perhaps it's better removed here. Or
both get described here. The pause, getting their looks, fits better
down here, I think.

I think I agree that the two "blonde's" close together ring rather oddly.
Jonathan, I offer for your consideration a piece of advice given to me by a
n
extremely knowledgeable colleague: if you find two occurrances of the same
word or phrase in close proximity, she says, it is usually the *first* one
that isn't quite right; the second one is the one that works, because,
having just used it once, it was right on top of the writer's mental heap
when the perfect spot for it cropped up a few sentences later.

Yes, I agree. I spot most repetitions on re-reading a few hours or days
later, but that extract had not had time to cool.

A useful heuristic, which I shall remember.


Otoh, it could work the other way. The word having just been used and being
right on top of the mental heap, it's easy to lazily grab it to fill a
spot where it doesn't really fit.

Yebbut. Patricia is reporting *actual data*. The results of
observations.

It could, theoretically, be either way. But it isn't.

It's like saying the Sun could rise in the West. Yeah, sure, if the
Earth rotated the other way. So we have to rely on observations, not
armchair theorising. Actual observations reveal that the sun generally
rises in the East (on this planet - YMMV).

Actual observations, by Patricia's extremely knowledgeable colleague,
are that it is *usually* [my emphasis] the first that isn't quite right.

Of course, Patricia's extremely knowledgeable colleague could have been
trying to sabotage Patricia's writing by deliberately lying to her. We
can only speculate. I'm inclined to take it at face value, though.

Jonathan

--
"I think too much - therefore I am mad!"
Agatha Clay playing Lucrezia Mongfish.
.

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