Re: [CRIT] Opening
- From: lathamr@xxxxxxxxxx (Richard D. Latham)
- Date: Sat, 01 Sep 2007 17:37:43 -0400
spam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Jonathan L Cunningham) writes:
Richard D. Latham <lathamr@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
spam@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Jonathan L Cunningham) writes:
<snip>
Hot off the press ... I hope this appeases the muse :-)
But what do people think of it? 299 words. I can see some things I want
to fix, but *how* best to do it? I'm curious as to what suggestions
people make for what needs changing, and how to change it.
<snip>
If I were standing in the aisle at Barnes and Nobles, and next few
paragraphs were as good, I'd take it to the register on my way out.
A very effective "hook", IMO.
What's the story with the teacher, is he a dwarf, and does that have
anything to do with magic gone awry ?
No, he's not a dwarf, but he is short (and not skinny).
I wanted you to give me the answer in no less than 3 chapters of
character development, not one line :-)
But I confess I did have the half-dwarf, Doctor Cornelius, tutor to
Prince Caspian in the Narnia story _Prince Caspian_ at the back of my
mind.
[visits bookshelf]
"Pah!" said Nikabrik. "A renegade Dwarf. A half-and-halfer! Shall I
pass my sword through its throat?"
The other character, probably more obscure, whom I had in mind was a
minor character in Jack Vance's novel _Madouc_. Not that it matters a
lot, as we'll be jumping forward a few years to his funeral[*] next
chapter >:[
[*] It's his own fault, in a way.
The ying and yang of the 2 girls.
And a tantalizing whiff of interesting doings off-stage.
Net-net. "Don't change anything. Buy your muse a beer. Keep writing."
Thanks.
(Aside:) "Do you like beer?" She says she does. And I've been offering
her sherry. No wonder she nearly went on strike.[*]
Although "a nice cup of tea" would probably work better. All this
morning the neighbours downstairs have had workers in, operating
pneumatic drills. I live in a Regency building, converted into flats,
which seems to be made of some kind of conglomerate: foot-thick walls,
with flints in. They are converting a window into a patio door. Making
holes in foot-thick walls (with flints in) is not a noise-free process.
Vanessa even phoned to apologise. I could barely hear her. For a few
moments we have blessed silence. When it starts again, I think I'll hit
"send" and go out for a walk. I'll reply to everyone else later. But
maybe they are having a lunch break.)
Jonathan
[*] Although I don't *actually* have any sherry - an even better reason
to go on strike, being offered sherry.
--
"I think too much - therefore I am mad!"
Agatha Clay playing Lucrezia Mongfish.
--
#include <disclaimer.std> /* I don't speak for IBM ... */
/* Heck, I don't even speak for myself */
/* Don't believe me ? Ask my wife :-) */
Richard D. Latham lathamr@xxxxxxxxxx
.
- References:
- Re: [CRIT] Opening
- From: Jonathan L Cunningham
- Re: [CRIT] Opening
- Prev by Date: Re: On the road again...
- Next by Date: Re: [CRIT] Opening
- Previous by thread: Re: [CRIT] Opening
- Next by thread: Re: [CRIT] Opening
- Index(es):
Relevant Pages
|
Loading
