Moving the story forward (was: How do you age your characters?)

Patricia C. Wrede <pwrede6492@xxxxxxx> wrote:

"Catja Pafort" <green_knight@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message

<TrickyPatricky@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:

I'd choose a prop, an object in the children's lives, (i.e. the
swingset in the backyard, the growth marks on a door jamb, a tree
planted to mark a special occasion, ect...) and have the mother
reflect upon the changes in that object to show the passage of time.
It can be done with humor, if that's your "objective," the style of
your novel. This may not the correct POV, and you'd use names, but
here's an example:

"I've always wondered if Coca Cola really removed rust," she thought,
<snip>

That's a good way of putting it. Why can't I see those possibilities?

Externalisation. Grr.

It's a matter of habits. Would it help any to have more examples? Or to
have more rewrites of your internalized bits to externalized bits?

Alll of the above, I think. Plus an in-depth analysis along the lines
that Tim did with your mountain description, as it seems that I need to
grasp the structure as a whole before I can find examples. In fact, I
can attempt it myself for this one, but yes, this appears to be still a
major problem.


(Yes,
it's been hot here and the cats are both shedding and I need to get the
vacuum out...why do you ask?)

What kind of virtual treats would they like? I'm in debt to them.



"I've always wondered if Coca Cola really removed rust," she thought,
as she stared out the kitchen window at the boys' aging, neglected
swingset.


"the boys' aging, neglected swingset."

That's the core of the externalisation, right? The character looks at
the item, and the item speaks for itself - there once were small boys
(and new swingset), and the state it signified has passed.


And I get that. However mine would have been 'She looked at the boys'
aging, neglected swingset and wondered why she kept it' _and ended
there_. With a little effort, I think I would get from 'the boys are
growing up' to 'the boys' mum looks at the rusting swingset'. I just
would never have dramatised it.

The can of coke->rust remover thing is the same technique, now applied
to the swingset - the coke, by extention, becomes a symbol of the ageing
process.


"Hey Bobby" she yelled, "come in here," her hands busy
washing lasagna crust from her favorite cassorole dish.

Context. Presumably - is American architecture the same as British, with
the sink facing the window? In Germany, sinks tend to face walls. You'd
put the table under the window, so you can look out while you eat - she
has to look at the swings every day when she's doing the dishes. That's
grounding detail, well, more grounding detail.


"Hold on, I'm
winning," her thirteen year old Nintendo addict replied. Oh well, she
thought, at least he didn't ignore her. Her fantastic idea for his
science project would have to wait

I'm not quite sure what I'd call this. It gives an endpoint to the arc,
sets the future - the boys are teenagers, rather than having left home
years ago and too busy to call.


- so would she, and that poor,
pitiful swingset. She signed, lifted a soapy hand from her dishpan,
picked up her Coke and took a swig.


That wraps up what happened - we start with a can of coke and end with
it, so you have a nice arc. It's also a marker that the topic is closed.
Nice little scene, this.



I am dealing, at the moment, with one character's development in
particular. The development consists of a lot of passages like the
following:


"I'm worried we meet the Crowd," she had confessed, but Alyk had
only shrugged.
"Not in this part of the city, not at this time of day. And if
so... I am ready."
Farilin regarded the straightness of his back, the set of his
jaw, and felt a shudder run across his back. He had not spoken from
bravado alone. There was something of Harulik in him in that moment, a
strength, a determination that did not go with the clerk she had first
met.
Alyk knew exactly which inn would accept the horses and return
all their hire fee, knew without hesitation which of the many
similar-looking alleys would bring them out at the harbourmaster's
office, how much to offer to the owner of a small boat to row them
across to a landing place near the Rope and ***.


Now I don't think this particular segment is too bad - I'm trying to tie
Farilin's thoughts to actual observation: he speaks with confidence
about a complex matter, is reminded of Alyk's father, and I've mentioned
a number of incidents that prove his determination/superior knowledge of
the city.


Now that I'm looking for examples, I can't find them, which can only
count as a Good Thing. I have passages like

"Who says you'll ever be third-rate? In anything?"
The old Alyk would have protested that he was, that he was a failure,
The one she had taken on the road would have stormed off once more. The
man who rode beside her merely grimaced and waved lazily at the flies
that were their constant companions as he considered her question.



It's hard for me to point the problem down to any one passage. What
happens, though, is that a lot of the development is developed through
talking. The problem is less on a micro level and more in the stoy arc.


Farilin met Alyk, who steadfastly refuses to even write to Rhiaton, near
the beginning of the book. At that point, she has just failed an examn
for the first time which he'd failed twice - which leaves her with a
single chance he doesn't have. Alyk is resentful towards the people who
have arranged his failure, depressed, and jumpy. Fast forward a lot of
stuff happening to Farilin - she finds an apprenticeship, makes new
friends, infiltrates the Rhiaton Crowd, the bullies gets the better of
her - and she travels back to his hometown.
He found his drive, he has to decide between siding with the mages and
fitting in with the rest of his town, and effectively renounces his
career (it's not quite clear to him, it's clearer to Farilin, and she
approves of it.) Together they visit their former teacher (a number of
years between their apprenticeships, but Alyk had not been bad), do a
little cloak-and-dagger harbour-agenting, and return to his hometown.
Alyk decides that he would be of use to Farilin in Rhiaton and agrees -
reluctantly, but without dithering over it - to come with her to
Rhiaton.

There Will Be Fireworks.

This whole thing takes 15K give or take, and it helps Farilin to see how
other people live - she knows farming and magecraft, but she's had
absolutely no contact with trade or tradesmen, she's recouperating from
some Bad Stuff and finding her courage and drive again; they're good for
each other. I had to get her out of the hole she'd dug for herself, and
this trip was necessary to break her out of a situation that had gone
far over her head.

She'll have a little help from other friends in sparking off those
fireworks.

What I'm trying to avoid are the numerous passages that revolve around
'this wasn't how she remembered Alyk' 'this wasn't how she ought to
react' 'he had changed' 'she felt a new resolve' as well as cutting down
on the dialogues. I have a feeling that this is very much a first-draft
thing - I am now using dialog (with added trivialities) to explore the
story and find out what happens rather than having it all happen in
internalisation, but ideally, I want to move this forward faster,
because I am beginning to panic a little about the structure of the
thing - I've now got 80K, and I am *so not* 20K from the end.


Catja


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writing blog @ http://beyond-elechan.livejournal.com
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