Re: [CRIT] Story opening

Bill Swears wrote:
Dirk van den Boom wrote:

Ok, before I start putting in marks, I want you to know that this
beginning is chilling and memorable. There are some construction
issues, but I consider them well worth solving.


I should point out that I didn't read anybody else's comments on your snippet before I made mine. Whenever there is a point of congruence, it was arrived at separately, so you really are getting at least two different writer's opinions.

Since James A. Donald and I noticed some things in the same way, I felt I should point that out, even though our apparent agreement makes me a little nervous. (That was a joke, James) :)
.

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