Re: Internal and External description

Catja Pafort <usenet@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Calibration question: is that enough description? Too much description?
The wrong description? Too dense/generic/pedestrian? If you didn't look
at the picture, do you get a feeling of this place?

For me, I think very slightly too much; but not so much that it was a
problem, and I shouldn't be your target audience in terms of description
anyway. I do get a good feeling of the place, which I didn't at all in
the previous version.

Last but not least: does this *need* the description of the house and
the doorway, or did the previous version work for you?

This is *much* better with the description.

I did find, to my personal amusement, that I sort of skimmed over the
texture of the house and the smells and such, and paid more attention to
the lintel and the stairs: this bears out my personal intuition that
I'm more focused on where things are in relation to each other; and
possibly on their purpose: when you mentioned the lintel my immediate
thought was, "Ah yes, that'd stop the rain washing down the stairs."
(Or dust, because I do see this place as dusty streets, but my first
thought was rain.)

But anyway, other people might skim over the lintel and stairs and pay
attention to the texture, and so forth, so this is by no means a
suggestion to cut anything; I think it works just fine as it is.

Zeborah
--
Gravity is no joke.
http://www.geocities.com/zeborahnz/
.