Re: First round of descriptive/external exercises

"R. L." <see-sig@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:7ietk15l8fnam42dbbo505sbv4ch31nju7@xxxxxxxxxx

>>Heavy filtering, of the sort Catja has been doing, can (and frequently
>>does)
>>provide *both* sorts of characterization and/or insight -- into the
>>character who owns the objects *and* into the character examining them
>>(assuming that they aren't the same character, which is perfectly
>>possible).
>>Either of those would defeat the purpose of doing the exercise, which is
>>to
>>*not* filter, to concentrate on concrete, specific, *external* details.
>
> Hm.
>
> Version A:
> The leftover objects included a knitting bag, a briefcase, and a diaper
> bag. In the knitting bag were 18 inch steel needles, shimmering metallic
> green. In the briefcase were hooked carton openers and razor pasteup
> cutters, still in their original wrapping. In the diaper bag were six
> packages of diaper pins, unopened.
>
> Version B:
> The leftover objects includled a soft lumpy bag covered in tapestry with a
> floral pattern in soft faded green and gray; a shiny alligator leather
> monogrammed briefcase with brass fittings; and a hot pink plastic bag with
> cracked handles, from which came a faint order of sewage. In the lumpy
> green bag was a half-knitted sweater in shades of avocado, moss green, and
> teal, folded neatly around its knitting needles, also green. In the
> briefcase were order forms, brochures, a presentation pointer, a miniature
> slide projector, cassette tapes, and various tools in bright colored
> plastic wrap. In the pink bag were dirty diapers, stuffed on top of
> plastic
> packages of baby thermometers, diaper pins, and pacifiers.
>
> That's specific, external details. Well, both versions could use a few
> more
> adjectives. But thedifference in the results sounds like some sort of
> 'filtering' to me. Would you call it something else?

I wouldn't call the difference "filtering" at all. I'd call it a difference
in style.

You're right to say that different styles are suited to different stories.
But since, for any given exercise that happens *not* to be about style, the
style doesn't usually matter so far as doing the exercise is concerned, you
can pick whatever style you want, for whatever reason you want, and use
that. Either or both of the above work just fine as a response to the
describe-what-they're-carrying exercise.

I think you're trying to be a lot more advanced than the exercise calls
for -- you're doing *more* *than* one thing, looking at how the choice of
details and the presentation might affect some hypothetical story. But an
exercise isn't an excerpt from a story, and most of the time, it isn't
*trying* to do more than one thing. Not yet, anyway. That's why you start
with stuff like "describe an event" or "List what somebody has in his
backpack," and once you've figured out how to do that, the *next* exercise
is "describe the same event from the viewpoint of one of the participants"
or "describe what's in the backpack from the viewpoint of a) the person's
estranged lover, b) the person's mother, c) a complete stranger who picked
it up by accident on the subway." And after *that*, you go on to "Describe
the contents of the backpack from the point of view of the estranged lover,
whom you, but not the reader, know is going to get run over by a train in
the next scene."

(Actually, I'm not planning to do that sort of sequence, though if anybody
thinks it'd be interesting, they might as well go for it. I'm just poking
around for stuff I think will be of assistance for Catja's particular
problems, and I'm not going to post another set of possible exercises until
I find out what she thought of this set -- whether they were hard, easy,
helpful, enlightening, stupid, or what.)

Patricia C. Wrede




.

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