Re: Opening of the Fantasy WIP

On Sun, 04 Sep 2005 02:48:24 -0400, Kristopher <eoslives@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:

>Zeborah wrote:
>>
>> Kristopher wrote:
>>> "R. L." wrote:
/snip/
>>>> If she does go on
>>>> with her walk at this point with no mention of the tall woman,
>>>> no closure about the tall woman -- then I'll expect the tall
>>>> woman to turn up again pretty quick.
>>>
>>> Something else I need to clear up, then. You're not the only
>>> person who missed the mention of the nameless young woman
>>> running off, which happens when Left moves to attack Jenniper.
>>
>> I noticed her running off, but I was rather disappointed with
>> that, because it seems to take away all possible point to the
>> scene.

I wouldn't say that, but even if I saw the tall woman escape, I would still
go on expecting her to turn up again soon or at least be mentioned;
something should come of it sometime. Of course if I've given up expecting
that minor arc to be closed, and forgotten about her, and then she turns up
much later, it might have a good surprise effect kind of like some things
Rowling does. It would just depend on what else interesting was going on in
the meantime. If nothing more is said about her, and other interesting
things don't fill my attention, in a chapter or two I might decide her
existence was a flaw.

Of course it would feel quite different to me if your protag *thinks* some
sort of closure about her, at the end of the scene. Comes to some sort of
conclusion about her; maybe wonders how much the tall woman saw, what she
might be likely to tell.... Maybe your protag would be trying to place
her, guess what sort of family she might be running home to.... Whether her
brothers or the constables or someone might soon be along to investigate
the girl's story.... -- So there would be the consequence right there, if
your heroine decided her cover was endangered and she should be more
cautious, or avoid the part of town that girl looked like she came from, or
avoid anyone who looked like they might be kin to the girl ... something,
some conclusion, some minor change in the heroine's plans....

I'd expect some musing like this to sort of ... wrap the question up
MAKING it a hook for something in future. (Anthony always did this sort of
thing very well in Xanth.) Of course when the other shoe drops, it doesn't
have to be anything big or long.


>Ah.
>
>> That is, the point could have been:
>>
>> a) the protag gets herself into trouble so can't get to her
>> ship as planned (but this isn't it, because she kills all
>> three without a problem);
>>
>> b) she learns something new from the three attackers (but she
>> doesn't -- or at least nothing that she hadn't already learnt
>> before the whole attack thing);
>>
>> c) she learns something new from, or gets dragged into the plight
>> of, the nameless woman (but the nameless woman has now run off
>> and your reaction suggests she's not going to turn up again, so
>> that's out too);
>>
>> d) the reader learns that the protag is big and strong and
>> teleports and has a Dark Past (whoopdidoo. You could have
>> just told us that).

I think d) was plenty for the scene. I'd have been interested in her
abilities and behavior even if there had been no one to be rescued, if the
villians had just attacked her.

It's just because the tall woman was there, that I expect her to somehow be
mentioned again. (And she adds another interesting thread in the plot.)


>> What are the ramifications of _this particular scene_? At the
>> moment there seem to be none, and that feels lopsided to me:
>> this is why I instinctively want the nameless woman to turn up
>> again, so that there'll have been some point to me reading it.
>
>Oh.
>
>I'll have to dwell on that.
>
>It never occured to me that the nameless young woman might have
>a plight, other than the one she found herself in -- wrong place
>at the wrong time.

I don't see that it needs a plight, certainly not something that has to
make your heroine miss her boat or derail the plot. It could just be that
later she hears news of the girl, which is a clue to something, or looks
her up later, or sees someone who looks like her and learns something....


R.L.
--
RL at houseboatontheganges dot com
for Indian river read styx
.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: Opening of the Fantasy WIP
    ... which happens when Left moves to attack Jenniper. ... > because it seems to take away all possible point to the scene. ... > a) the protag gets herself into trouble so can't get to her ship as ... > the nameless woman (but the nameless woman has now run off and your ...
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  • Re: Opening of the Fantasy WIP
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