Re: During Wartime

On Mar 15, 11:19 am, adaml...@xxxxxxxx wrote:
During  Wartime (corrected)

Ghost soldiers glisten.
Military drumbeats.
The flapping of the flag.
Men crushed like grapes,
their blood the wine
that stains the lips of Caesar.
Cut out of his mother.
Cast into the fire.
A poet stuffs his pockets
with diamonds and pearls.

I don't like this one, and who should 'like' a poem about War, During
Wartime? There are probably scenarios of joy during long wars besides
winning battles. This poem doesn't seem to be this particular-kind of
joy.

The many short lines ending in periods give the feel of sudden ending.
The use of the word Caesar seems to want this effect highlighted.
Perhaps the periods are meant to be bullets or bombs, what a sudden
end to a short life is like.

"Ghost soldiers glisten."

At first sounds gratuitous. Blah. Ghost means dead. Glisten means
blood. There's more. If the 'h' in 'ghost' is silent, why not stretch
and give it sound, but make the 'g' silent? Giving the line some added
consistency, it reads like this:

"(G)host soldiers (g)listen."

"Military drumbeats."
"The flapping of the flag."

There is a silence there.

Men crushed like grapes,
their blood the wine
that stains the lips of Caesar.

Three lines, one comma ending in 'Caesar'. Why? Why crushed like
grapes? Maybe grapes were a big commodity during Caesar's time. The
blood of men who died for the 'cause', as it is said, is the common
expression. "Expression." Et tu, Brute. (sorry if I've spelled it
wrong). It's all too common. It's what a stain is, maybe like DNA.

Cut out of his mother.

DNA again. Some mothers breed soldiers. If there is a story about
Caesar's mother, I don't know it.

Cast into the fire.
A poet stuffs his pockets
with diamonds and pearls.

'...the fire." It's as though 'fire' is the 'life' though it ends in a
period. 'Cast and 'pearls' used in these three lines seem to want to
call up the expression on swines. It's very preachy and points a
finger at opportunism. The lives of host soldiers (the deaths of ghost
soldiers, their glisten(ing)) are a commodity for poets to fight over.

It could go a step further with the idea of "...stuffs his pockets"
being something like impregnating his poems with the promise of
change. Which is what some preaching wants. There is sometimes a flag
to go along with an idea. It could be the *** the poem is on. A
*** that flaps. A *** with a beat. Like a heart beat. Alive.

That's the one thing to like about a poem on war is the possibility of
hope of something without hope.

With that, the poem could end on a question without being preachy. The
question becomes, What is the something? Because it's not literally
diamonds and pearls.
.

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