Re: An Open Letter to Concerned Parties

Absolutely, 100 percent on the money!!!!


Fran (who, along with Barbara, serve as "wait staff" for our two cats)


"Jim Blansett" <jim_blansett@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:66r6g1t2c0g4ho5iajcom8vpod9q9s0f1i@xxxxxxxxxx
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
> other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
> print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
> becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
> in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
> ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
> they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
> stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
> sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
> end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
> some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
> not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
> paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
> the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
> years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
> ***. I cannot stress this firmly enough!
>
> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
> our front door:
>
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
> Pets:
> 1. They live here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
> who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>
> Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:eat less,
> don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come
> when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using
> friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the
> latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need gazillion dollars
> for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


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