OT - Rodney's RCCL TR, Day 7 - Friday, Cozumel

Day 7: Friday, October 5, 2007 or “*** Wait, There’s More”

Who: Rodney, wife Jan, Jan’s mother Betty

What: Royal Caribbean Cruise, Freedom of the Seas, Western Caribbean

Photos: http://www.rodneygrill.com/rccl2007/day7

You know the drill! I was up at 7:30, in the hot tub, in the pool, and in the concierge lounge for a triple Espresso. Today, though, was a bit different. Just when I thought our cruise vacation couldn’t possibly be any better, we were coming into Cozumel, Mexico. It was about 8:00am, and the sun was beginning to peek above the horizon, giving a hint of bright, clear skies. The water was absolutely the clearest and bluest I have ever seen. Even the water in the port around the docks was so clear that you could see the bottom, and there were always fish swimming around the ships.

We arrived at the pier around 9:00am and docked next to the Carnival Valor. Now when I say “next to”, I mean “NEXT TO”, just like Ivanka the Russian had sat right next to me at the blackjack table, we were so close to The Valor that we could almost reach out and touch it. I don’t know the exact measurements, but we were docked with our port side against a pier that was probably about fifty feet wide, and The Valor’s starboard side was right across it. Since we had port-side staterooms, we’d have to be careful about leaving the curtains closed if we wanted any privacy, and of course the starboard staterooms on The Valor should do the same. *** of course what people should do and what they do do is not always one and the same. OK, so do I have your attention now? Yes? Well, you are just going to have to keep reading to get to the “good stuff”, and believe me, this is (in my best Randy Quaid as Uncle Eddie voice) GOOO-OOOD!

Betty decided that she really wanted to go into at least one port, and this would be the last chance. We were docked, so that would make it easier for her. The only problem was that we were on The International Pier, which meant a cab ride to the “downtown” shopping district. Jan suggested that we need not bothering with showering and primping because the 50,000% humidity would have us all sweating the moment out big toe stepped into the open air (which was made from Jello). After the paramedics left from resuscitating me, I agreed with my wife, but I absolutely could not believe she would not be primping! She spends and hour on her hair just to go out and work in the yard at home! It was absolutely incredulous that she would go out in *public* without showering and fussing over “the do”.

Anyhow, we dressed in comfortable clothing and headed to the Windjammer buffet. It was nearly 10:00am by now, and I suggested that maybe we should skip breakfast and go for some authentic Mexican food for lunch during our visit ashore. Jan and Betty both said they couldn’t wait until lunchtime to eat, and besides that, Betty doesn’t much like Mexican food. So, off on the thirteen-mile trek to the Windjammer we went. Of course I wasn’t going to complain much because a big plate of protein would be better for me anyhow. The only problem with breakfast at the Windjammer was finding bacon and sausage that was cooked to a sufficient level of crispiness and eggs that weren’t. They usually had at least four different areas setup with the same food, so odds were pretty good that I could always find my breakfast food prepared the way I like it. We ran into our waiter Gregory in the Windjammer. He doesn’t wait tables there, but manages a certain area where others are waiting tables.

After breakfast, we headed down to deck one for the gangway. The pier was crawling with people. From above, it must have looked someone stepped on two and beds as there were four steady streams of people coming from the two gangways on the two ships. We had Betty in the wheelchair, which was the only way she was going to make it. The walk down the pier into the customs building was not far at all. We spent a few minutes browsing the duty-free shopping, and then headed out to the curb for a taxi. This area was a complete madhouse! There was one man trying to manage all the taxis, and people kept jumping in taxis even though it wasn’t their turn. People also kept walking further out to where the taxis were entering and getting in there, so by the time they came up to the loading area, they were full. We needed a large cab for the wheelchair, but they would only let you have a van if you have more than four passengers. Luckily, we found a couple behind us that also had their mother elderly with them, and we decided to split a van.

We went to an area called The Forum. It was mostly a large jewelry store with some other shops upstairs. It was a fairly nice mini-mall. Betty was looking for some new jade earrings, but we found that Mexico is not the place to get Jade. Being the horologist that I am, I went to the watch counter. They had a very nice Corum Admiril’s Cup that I tried on, but the price not very competitive. Even after the salesman said he’d knock off 10%, I’d be saving only a few hundred dollars, and that’s not enough to make me buy. I’d rather buy from a US dealer that will double the warranty or something like that. We left The Forum and started walking down the street to browse some other shops. The combination of clear skies and the topaz-blue water lapping against the rocks just across the street made this a really pleasant shopping experience. The only challenge was navigating Betty’s wheelchair through the crowds on the narrow sidewalk, although most people were very courteous and helped clear a path.

We ended up in a huge “gift” shop that was filled to the brim with all the tacky tourist booty one could want. We spent and hour in there looking at everything. A salesperson did follow us around, but she was not pushy at all. She made it clear that they have “everyday low prices” so “no negotiation was needed” and she was there just to assist us. It was a very nice experience. I found two T-shirts and also bought a hand-carved toucan for my parents. I thought it would look nice on their tropical-themed back porch. After that, we poked through a few other shops ranging from first-class jewelry and luxury stores to literally hole-in-the-wall junk stores. We were in the Del Sol store and I found a really cool pair of board shorts with the flower-print side panels using their patented color-changing material. They wanted $44 for them, and it was non-negotiable. That was too expensive for me. I might have paid $25 for the novelty, but Del Sol is not the best made clothing. You’re lucky to get one season of wear out of it. Besides, I had just bought a new bathing suit a month ago and it was doing a fine job.

We had been walking in the shade of the buildings, but now the sun was coming up to the highpoint, so we decided to head back to the ship. We needed to be back by 2:30pm anyhow so that I could make my Flowrider session. We walked another block and grabbed a cab. Unfortunately, this was an old Nissan Sentra wagon, which was really tight for us, and the air didn’t work. Luckily, it only took a few minutes to get back to the pier. We wound our way back through the duty-free shops and Jan spied a Dooney and Burke purse. Of course it was a knock-off, but Katie has been begging for one. We came close to buying her one in Destin at the outlet, but decided that it would be a Christmas gift. Anyhow, we looked at it and it was reasonable quality, but they wanted $80 for it. Given that the genuine article she wants is under $200, I told Jan it was not a good deal. As we walked off, the price dropped, eventually to $40, but I told the salesperson I wouldn’t pay more than $20 for it, and that shut her up. Just like with replica watches, sometimes you have to decide that it’s better to have the real thing or nothing at all.

We were back on the ship around 1:00pm. I went up on deck to enjoy the pool, but it was too hot. I don’t know what it was with the sun today, but it was so hot, that by the time I got our of the pool and took the two steps to get back to my lounge chair, I was already sweating. I decided I’d head back to the stateroom. I took a few minutes to rest by checking e-mail. Oh, I probably forgot to mention, but the Freedom has very good communication services. When we were on the Disney Wonder, it had wireless Internet access, but it only worked from certain places on the ship, mainly the Internet Café and the open decks. On The Freedom, their wi-fi worked everywhere, even in the staterooms. Also, it was much less expensive. I don’t recall the price on DCL, but I know I paid more. On The Freedom, you could pay $0.50 per minute, or prepay $50 for 150 minutes (which is what I did). I seem to recall that on The Disney Wonder, I paid over $100 for the package I bought. Also, we were on the top deck aboard The Wonder, and even hanging my super-duper wi-fi antenna out on the balcony, I still could not get service. On the Freedom, I had no problems. I was even able to connect on my Pocket PC phone from anywhere I tried aboard the ship. Not only that, they have GSM and CDMA cellular service on the ship. Of course it’s very expensive (about $3/minute) but it made it easy to contact friends and family and is much less expensive than the old ship-to-shore service. Since we had this, I didn’t try Skype (or any VOIP), but when we were on The Wonder, that worked only sporadically.

I gave Jan a quick lesson the video camera, and I went ahead of her about 30 minutes early to the Flowrider. She wanted some primp time. I knew there was a session before mine and I wanted to see what they were doing. It appeared to be a family of 20-30 year old sons and their father. The wives were all sitting and watching. They were having a ball. The sons would ride the boogie board, and the dad would walk over to the leading edge of the water jet and stick his feet in, causing a huge rooster tail of water to spray them. When I had ridden during open-access times, the crew was fairly cautious to make sure no more than one person (or, two, if they had the lane divider in place) was on the water at a time. In this group, they were letting two at a time ride and these guys were really cutting up, trying to knock each other off and really having a good time. While I am all for safety, I was glad to see that they do use some common sense and let the guests have some fun. I mean, if you fall of because your brother pushed you or you fall off because your foot slipped when trying to do a 360, what’s the difference? Oh, and women’s bikini bottoms aren’t the only problem. One of the guys must have needed to tie on his board shorts a little tighter because they slipped down to his knees. Lucky for him, he had on his tighty-whities so it was not much of a show.

About 2:40, they cut them off and I saw my new friend Lori coming down the steps. The two crew members that had been working the previous session left and two others, Bex (Rebecca) and Russell showed up. They told Lori and I that we would be very lucky today, because two of the people who had signed up for our group were two of the brothers in the previous group. What they did was let them put all eight of that family into one big group and then gave them some extra time. Normally, they would cancel a private session with less than three guests, but because they chose to rearrange the schedule, they would keep our session. So, Lori and I would have an hour with the Flowrider to ourselves!

We stated off on the boogie boards. They let us both ride at the same time without the lane divider. On previous rides, I had no problems “navigating” the wave by controlling my board to go toward the crest or the low end, but for some reason, I was having problems today. Bex kept trying to get us to “circle” each other, and I kept screwing it up by not being able to move around. Eventually, I adjusted my position and was able to do it. After that, we decided to try stand-up surfing. Russell would stand at the bottom of the FLowrider with a rope that I could hold onto, then Bex would sit on the side, holding the surfboard still while I got my feet planted on it. Then, Bex would help push me out into the wave and then they would both start yelling instructions.

This is much more difficult than it looks. They don’t use full-sized boards. Instead, they are those small, thing boards that look like snowboards without the shoes. My feet felt like they were hanging off both sides of the board. It seemed as if the slightest movement of the smallest hair on my leg would cause the board to spin out of control, throwing me down onto the wave, which would then thrust me back to the top and slam my body against the wall. I imagine this is what it would feel to be flushed down the toilet. Anyhow, Lori and I alternated the surfing (they didn’t want both of us out there at the same time), and she was by far better than me. Of course this was her 5th lesson.

After a five or six tries, I began to get the hang of it. Well, at least to the point that I could stand there and not end up being flushed away until I tried to do something crazy, like move. It’s very hard work, requiring a lot of leg strength, and falling is not pleasant. The floor of the Flowrider is something like a trampoline, but not as soft. It bounces, but you can easily walk across when the jets aren’t running. When they are, it’s almost impossible to stand up against the current. The walls are also padded, but it’s not like “mattress soft”, more like “car dash” soft. If you hit your head, it will hurt, but I don’t think you’d end up with a concussion or any permanent injuries. I did end up with a bruise on one knee, and once I drug the top of a toe across the plastic grate where the water is sucked out at the top and it peeled the skin off. I suppose if you weren’t paying attention, you could break an arm, but really, you’d have to hit just wrong to do that as you don’t get washed up that quickly. Or least not when you are 6’3” and 220lbs.

The surfing was taking a lot out of us so Bex said we should take a break and do some boogie boarding. She tried to get us to do some stunts, like rolling over, swapping boards, turning sideways, etc. Bex and I were able to swap boards once, but Lori never mastered that. Lori got her board sideways once, and I actually was able to ditch the board and body surf for a few seconds until I file the current tugging at my shorts (and I had no tighty-whities on underneath to save the world from seeing my bare ***). After a while, Bex told us we had only ten minutes left and suggested we use that to surf some more. Lori got on once, and then said she was beat and I could use the rest of the time. I did and for some reason, the whole surfing thing just “clicked”. I was able to control the board better and I even tossed the rope away (after Bex had been holding it slack for a while). Thank goodness Jan got it all on camera!

After the session, Bex said I should come back in the morning where she’d be managing open advanced surfing. I thought about it, but I told her wasn’t sure I was ready to try this in front of a crowd of experts. She told me not to worry, that there were only two non-crew members on the ship that were any better than me, and they were only marginally better, just being able to start themselves without assistance. Of course while this conversation was going on, Russell grabbed a board, tossed it onto the wave, and jumped right on it. He proceeded to rip it up pretty good, throwing huge rooster-tails of water on all of us. Bex said he was from South Africa and managed a surfing simulator there. Instead of it being a “wave” like the Flowrider, it was a big cylinder with waster inside. They would spin the cylinder to create the flow. She said it was actually harder to ride than the Flowrider and could actually be dangerous. Anyhow, as I left, I tipped them and for the first time, I found someone aboard the ship that acted like they shouldn’t be tipped! I insisted and Bex took the money.

After the Flowrider, I was tired. Very tired, in fact. I went back to the room with intentions of taking my book back up on deck for some reading, but then I remembered how hot it was. About that time, we began hearing a lot of noise outside on the balconies. At first I assumed it was just people yelling back and forth between ships, but it got louder and more boisterous than that. Jan was lying on the bed, so I peeked out to see what was going on. I expected to see a sailaway party on the deck of the Valor, since I knew they were leaving in less than an hour. What I saw could not have surprised me any more than if I had opened the curtains to see a naked man on the balcony. I opened my curtains and saw a naked man on the balcony! Well, not on my balcony, but on a stateroom balcony of the Valor, directly across from me, just fifty feet away! Actually, he was not entirely naked. He was wearing a cowboy hat. And his, uh-um, “sword” was sheathed in what I though was a small red sock, but later realized it was his girlfriends thong sort of wrapped around it.

I told Jan and she didn’t believe me. She was still lying on the bed, and couldn’t see. She wasn’t even attempting to get up and look, still assuming I was just kidding. I think it was when I literally jumped over the coffee table and knocked a book off the bar to grab my camera when she began to consider the possibility that maybe I was telling the truth, to some extent. She pulled herself out of bed and peeked through the curtains. I think she nearly fell over backward when she saw the man. She screamed “Oh…My…God! I hope my other doesn’t see this!” And then she proceeded to pickup the phone and call her mother. And of course her mother then proceeded to look out the window. And then I heard Betty Laughing hysterically. I’m not sure if I heard her laugher through the walls or over the phone, but it was loud.

So, here we have Cowboy Joe standing nearly naked on his balcony just fifty feet from our ship. So, I guess this little story makes reading my big long trip report worth reading, huh? Well, just like with the Ginsu knife, you thought that was a good deal, but wait! There’s MORE! His girlfriend joined him on the balcony, and she was absolutely totally completely naked! I mean “nekid” naked, or as Jerry Seinfeld would say “good naked”. In fact, both of them had very nice bodies and were not unpleasant to look at. So now we have a real show going on. So now you think it’s worth it? Well, just wait, it gets EVEN BETTER! These two are naked on the balcony and everyone on port side of The Freedom can see them, but there are hundreds of people on The Valor that can hear the ruckus, but can’t actually see anything. There’s a guy on the balcony below the show that is practically falling overboard trying to get a view. The lady next door to them peeks around the partition to see what’s going on and she almost falls overboard when she gets an eyeful of Cowboy Joe swinging in the wind. Then, the couple yells out to all their fans, “Wait a minute – we’ll be right back!”

Jan and her mom are still on the phone laughing and screaming about this. You can hear all sorts of yelling and clapping going on outside, and then, four doors down from the original showplace, the door opens on the balcony and Cowboy Joe and his girlfriend make another appearance. But this time, they have friends. Two more young ladies and another man, ally completely naked now join them. I was trying to get more photos, but at the angle, I could barely see them. I didn’t want to go out on the balcony for fear of scaring them away (I didn’t want to ruin the show for the other guests, you know). About that time, I happen to see some flash of white right across the way. At first I thought it was just a reflection of the sun on the windows of the Valor, but then I realized what it was. The guy that had been craning off his balcony to see the action above had apparently figured out what was going on and decided to join the show. He made a quick dash out on his balcony to show off his birthday suit. The trouble was, his birthday suit loose-fitting and was whiter than Don Johnson’s sports coats on Miami Vice. He was gone before I could snap a photo. By now, Cowboy Joe and gang had called it a day and headed back inside. I have no idea what makes people do these things, but I am sure glad I was there to witness it.

If you want to see for yourself, I have a few photos. CLICK THIS LINK AT YOUR OWN RISK! These photos are NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN and probably NOT APPROPRIATE FOR VIEWING IN THE WORKPLACE!

http://www.rodneygrill.com/funship

By now, it was nearing time for dinner, so we showered and changed into appropriate attire. Tonight we were dining in the specialty restaurant Chops. On the way, we made our usual stop at the concierge lounge. We asked Francois if he had heard about “the show”. He had not, so we told him about it. He said that it was rare, but things like that had happened on The Freedom before. He said it’s almost always after the Mexico stops, presumably because of the tequila. He said that RCCL will actually put people off the ship for such behavior, if they catch them.

We arrived at chops to find that we had a seat just as we did in Portofino on Monday, right in the middle of the big panoramic window with a great view of Cozumel. I found out later that this was courtesy of Francois. It seems that making your specialty dining reservations through the concierge gets you a preferred seating location. One of our waiters asked us if we had seen the show, and we said yes, we were directly across from it. He said that they were all in a pre-dining meeting there in Chops and could see fairly well. He said the meeting quickly deteriorated. Shortly after we ordered, a large group came in to eat and it was the family that was in the Flowrider in the session before Lori and me. Chops was very good, but nothing spectacular. Really, the service and the view were the main attractions. The steak I had was on par with an Outback as opposed to Ruth’s Chris. This is one area where the DCL experience was far superior. Their specialty restaurant Paolo is only $10 extra per person (compared to $25 for the RCCL specialty restaurants) and the food there was absolutely some of the best I’ve had anywhere. We did enjoy the view of sailing out of Cozumel and a spectacular sunset, but we also enjoyed Paolo’s view off the read of the Disney ship.

After dinner, we headed down to the casino. I was still up over $85 and wanted to play some more cards. Jan and Betty parked at their favorite slot machines. Unfortunately, tonight was not a good night at the card table. The dealers were crappy. At first I was at one table with the nice lady from the prior night, but then we were quickly joined by a group of guys that were just plain obnoxious. They were speaking a foreign language to each other and obviously telling jokes that were making them all laugh very loudly. The dealer asked where they were form, and they said “Boston”. The dealer then commented that they were speaking an odd language for Boston, and one of the guys said it was a dialect of Portuguese combined with “African”. I’m not sure what language “African” is, but it must be a language that is spoken loudly. I quickly lost about $80, so I moved on. I saw one of my favorite dealer, Craig, at another table, so I sat there. I was playing fairly well until one of the Boston guys came over and plopped down and began to yell back at his friends at the other table. Then, my Russian stalker Ivanka came by and lit a cigarette. That was it! I left that table and walked deeper into the casino to a $10 table. I played there for a while and didn’t do too badly, but there was no “action”. The $5 tables at the entrance to the casino were definitely the place to be. I checked on Jan and Betty and watched them for a while until it was 9:00pm show time. Luckily, the Boston gang was going to the show. I went back to one of the $5 tables and began playing. The dealer was a real dud. She had no personality and was just “doing the job”. Ivanka joined me, but then her husband joined her and she stopped playing. He was a good player, but spoke no English. Between the smoking Russians and the dud dealer, I wasn’t having much fun and even worse, I was losing. Within an hour, I was down to my last $10 from my initial $100 investment that had at one time exceeded $185. I pulled out another $40 to keep playing. A few other people joined us, including one young guy that was almost too drunk to sit up, and in the course of an hour, went through about $500 worth of cash advances on his seapass card. Betty and Jan came by to check on me and they could tell I was not doing well. I thought they were ready to leave, so I started to get up, but Betty slipped my $100 and said I needed to play a little longer as they were just taking a break. It took me less than 30 minutes to go through that.

Honestly, I don’t mind losing at the table. Odds are, in the long run, you will lose money in a casino. Otherwise, the casinos would not make money and they would go out of business. Of course I’d rather win, but my big thing is that I’d rather be at a fun table where people are alive and enjoying themselves and the dealer is involved, too. Tonight, for whatever reason, the tables were just not much fun. Jan and Betty had also lost all their night’s allotment in the slots, so we all headed up to the rooms. Tonight’s towel was a lobster.

Rodney’s Top 10 List:

10. Mornings – I am thoroughly enjoying my morning ritual. It’s too bad I can’t do this at home. Jan said I just need a hot tub, but I reminded her that I wouldn’t keep it hot and at the ready all the time like the one on the ship.

9. Health – After pushing Betty around Cozumel in a wheelchair, I greatly appreciate the fact this (hopefully) this is only a temporary setback for her and that no one else in our family has to use one. I really sympathize with people who have to live their lives this way.

8. Towel Monkey – He was still hanging around the stateroom and making us smile.

7. Cozumel – This place was gorgeous! We may need to plan a land-trip here sometime.

6. Chops – While the food was nothing spectacular, the view and service was.

5. Crew – Other than a few boring blackjack dealers, the RCCL crews has been wonderful.

4. The Balcony Show – I know you thought this would be #1, or at least in the top three, but I had to reserve that for The Flowrider!

3. Flowrider – This is the most fun you can have with your clothes on (or off, if you lose your suit to the current).

2. Flowrider - You’ve got to try this! If a flabby, uncoordinated middle-aged guy like me can do it, so can you!

1. Flowrider – Spend the $60 for a private session. It’s worth every penny.

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