Here we go...

You know that feeling you get when you're just about to be pierced or
tattooed, when the artist is prepping the materials and you suddenly
realize that this is going to really hurt? Well, maybe it's because the
magnitude of this procedure is so much greater than that of a tattoo or
piercing, but I'm feeling it already, 3 days before my surgery.

I'm suddenly realizing that I'm going to be in a great deal of pain for
several days, and at least some pain for weeks afterward. I'm realizing
that my life is going to change dramatically. I'm realizing that I can
plan and plan and still I have no clue exactly how things are going to
go.

Stuff like this also makes you think about the small percentage of
people who die while under general anesthesia. It's a small percentage,
but it's still a lot of people, when you think about it. Keith's death
was another log on that particular fire.

Keith's death. I try not to be superstitious, but sometimes stuff crops
up that makes you say "Woah." Today, I was proofing a page from a new
catalogue, and all the prefixes for the prices on the page were "KA".
It gave me some serious willies. I told my coworker about it and she
said that maybe it meant that Keith would be looking out for me, but
that didn't ring true. My immediate thought was that because of the
fact that I have been associating Keith's death with thoughts of my own
mortality, that it was an bad omen about my chances or survival. I know
it's corny and dumb, but it's what initially occurred to me. Still,
being the rational person I am, there's no way in hell I'm postponing
this for a superstitious twinge.

Anyway, to bring it back to topic a bit, I'm going to have an
interesting set of scars from this. If the surgeon finds it necessary
to switch from laparoscopic to open for this procedure (which is likely
because of the fact that stuff is probably all shifted around from my
splenectomy) then I will have a new scar perpendicular to my old scar.
I'll have a great big cross on my tummy. Hmmm, maybe when it's all
healed, I get it tattooed so it looks like ribbons on a package, with a
big bow on my breast. Then I'll get my nipple repierced and hang a card
from it. Tacky? Yeah, I guess so. Nevermind.

Well, if anyone wants to pray, chant, or send healing thoughts, I will
be having my surgery on Monday 7/25 at approximately 7:45 AM Central
Time(GMT -06:00), and I will probably be on the table for upwards of 6
hours. Such spiritual help is certainly appreciated. No atheists in a
foxhole, ya know.

If you're interested in the details about the procedure I'm having,
check out http://really-really.blogspot.com/2005/06/four-ounces.html

Jess

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