What should be under a bed?

Despite my misgivings, I'm soon going to have to accept the inevitable
and buy a new bed.

The only possible high point in the whole thing is the thought of the
delivery men 'finding' something when they remove my old one.

I thought of the perfect thing, but getting hold of a dead body is
just too much trouble.

My second choice is a shotgun, a mask, and a pile of white canvas bags
with the names of various banks imprinted on them, but for some reason
that seems incredibly trite.

Whips, chains, and a couple of inflate-a-dates would probably be

The skins shed by large snakes are much too expensive for a simple

I'm just fresh out of good ideas -- does anyone here have a twisted
sense of humor?
Don't play stupid with me -- I'm better at it.