Re: Star Trek (Boldly going there)



On Sat, 1 Dec 2007 10:53:19 -0800 (PST), "Koolchicki@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
<john.kulczycki@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:



Josh Hill wrote:
On Sat, 1 Dec 2007 08:03:58 -0800 (PST), "Koolchicki@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
<john.kulczycki@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Star Trek

Star Trek NG

Star Trek V

(Digging around in file)

Star Trek Voyeur

Captain Oyvay: How fortunate we are that, alone among the 32,476-1/2
humanoid species we've met in the Epsilon Quadrant, these Salivating
Mean Nose Ridges we're negotiating with don't want to take over Voyeur
and sell our quantum toilets on the black hole market!

Wxkdhfk: Captain, I've arranged delivery of the supplies you
requested. Just proceed to these coordinates, where you'll find five
hundred Thorazine-laced ice cream cones for that cloying little girl
with the bumps on her nose. Now, if you'd just beam those Denebian
oysters to our Innocent Passersby I mean our Juicy Oyster Devouring
Chamber, we'll be on our way.

Oyvay: Why, thank you, Wxkdhfk. Harry, beam the Denebian oysters to
the Salivating Mean Nose Ridge ship.

Ketchooie: That reminds me of something my people used to say before
they were sold into slavery by the Shell Oil Company . . .

Harry Dim: Your people! Your people! Ketchooie, your people never did
anything but run a casino in North Dakota. Why . . .

PHTTT!

Ketchooie: We also invented blowguns, fella.

Tom Porridge: OK, that does it! A female captain, an Asian ensign, a
cloying little girl with bumps on her nose, a black Vulcan, a half
Klingon, a hologram, a cook who's a rutabaga, a woman with Borg breast
implants and a first officer who kills ensigns with blow darts? You
have no idea how lonely it is being the only white guy here.

Ketchooie: Careful, mister: just because we're in the Epsilon Quadrant
doesn't mean we can't take you back to Political Correctness Camp.

Emergency Super Hologram: Please state nature of leaky faucet, burnout
light bulb, broken . . . Captain! Why you wake me up--I am off today!

Oyvay: Superintedent, could you see to it that Mr. Dim's body gets
recycled?

Emergency Super Hologram: This not body recycling day! Call Thursday.
Computer, end Emergency Super Holo . . .

Oyvay: Superintendent, I'm *ordering* you to recycle that damned body!
Mr. Cowlix, take over Harry's position.

Cowlix: Yes, Cap'n.

Silicone of Mine: Captain, my breasts have detected an approaching
vessel.

Saran: It's Salivating Nose Ridge, Captain.

Wxkdhfk: Earth ship, you have entered Salivating Mean Nose Ridge
executive bathroom space without a key. You have one minute to
surrender your quantum toilets or be destroyed!

Porridge (aside): OK, here it goes. Now she's going to say "Captain,
we're on a peaceful mission. If you would only give us a chance to
explain our actions . . ."

Oyvay: "Captain, we're on a peaceful mission. If you would only give
us a chance to explain our actions . . ."

Porridge (aside): And now he'll cut us off . . .

Saran: He's cut us off, Captain.

Porridge (aside): And now they'll fire . . .

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Porridge (aside): And now she'll say, "Mr. Porridge, take evasive
action!"

Oyvay: "Mr. Porridge, take evasive action!"

Porridge (aside): Now Saran will report that that the shields are down
to 40% . . .

Saran: Captain, shields are down to 40%.

Porridge (aside): . . . and Oyvay will order us to return fire, but
something will go wrong and we'll be defenseless.

Oyvay: Mr. Cowlix, return fire.

Cowlix: Excuse me, captain, but do I turn the left or right burner?

BOOM!

Saran: Captain, hull breaches have opened on Decks 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and
6.

Cowlix: Hey, wait, isn't Deck 6 *our* deck? -- They aren't supposed to
hit anything above Deck 5!

Oyvay: Mr. Cowlix, do you see us floating?

Cowlix: No . . .

Oyvay: Do we ever go to the bathroom, or wear spacesuits?

Cowlix: No . . .

Oyvay: Is half the ship destroyed every week, only to be in perfect
repair the next?

Cowlix: Well, now that you mention it . . .

Oyvay: And does every alien in the galaxy speak our language and look
like he hails from Hackensack?

Cowlix: Why, yes, I guess they do . . .

Oyvay: Well, then, Mr. Cowlix, why do you think a hull breach will
allow our air to escape? . . . Silicone!

Silicone of Mine: Yes, Captain.

Oyvay: Ready quantum breasts and -- fire!

BLAM! BLAM!

Saran: The Salivating Nose Ridge ship has been destroyed, Captain.

Oyvay: Thank you, Silicone, Saran. Mr. Dim! Good to have you back with
us -- Superintendent, thank you for refusing to recycle Harry's body.
And Mr. Porridge -- if you mutter "Please, oh Computer, end program!"
under your breath once more, I'll see that you're sent back to
Political Correctness Camp.

Ketchooie: That reminds me of something my people used to say . . .

--
Josh

"We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals.
We know now that it is bad economics." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Well that was good.

The sad thing about Star Trek Enterprise is that it's so bad you can't
make fun of it . . .

--
Josh

"We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals.
We know now that it is bad economics." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
.



Relevant Pages

  • Re: Star Trek (Boldly going there)
    ... Captain Oyvay: How fortunate we are that, alone among the 32,476-1/2 ... Oyvay: Why, thank you, Wxkdhfk. ... Mr. Cowlix, take over Harry's position. ... It's Salivating Nose Ridge, ...
    (misc.writing)
  • Re: Star Trek (Boldly going there)
    ... Captain Oyvay: How fortunate we are that, alone among the 32,476-1/2 ... Oyvay: Why, thank you, Wxkdhfk. ... Mr. Cowlix, take over Harry's position. ... It's Salivating Nose Ridge, ...
    (misc.writing)