Act 3, Scene 2 (was Re: wasting precious time on Ray Haddad)

"$Zero" <zero@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1174966041.562486.13640@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


i was gonna write a post celebrating chef P instead, but all of Ray's
ugliness around here has soiled up the search engine thinger pretty
badly, and i wouldn't want P's family to have to deal with any of that
right now.

===========================================

<scampering up on table and brandishing a megaphone>

Fiends, donuts, cuntrymen. Lend me your ears. As Supreme dRooler of MW, I
come not to bury Caesar salad, but to praise it. So listen up peeps!

I heard someone was going to write a post celebrating Chefp, but it was too
hard to use google, and besides he wanted to spare goodwife P and family the
sheer ugliness of having to read a post celebrating his memory, because what
with him on his death bed and all they're probably surfing the interweb for
pRon. I OTOH live for ugliness, so whatthe***.

<delicately removing tasty carrot stick from ass and gently nibbling same>

Before beginning the official part of the program, I should probably note
that Chefp would have been pleased had his boon companion Zero actually
taken the trouble to write his eulogy. Because if you're going to be
eulogized - I'm not, I'm going to be cremated and my ashes flushed down the
toilet, but whatever - you'd probably want it to be by someone for whom you
have complete and total respect. And Chefp certainly felt that away about
Zero.

"This is another gem of bizarre obscurity replete with the tone of
supercilious surety that marks all illiterate bullshitters.
http://tinyurl.com/354puy

<CHOKE!> <coughing up carrot bits>

Summabitch! Whathefu- that was a tad harsh. Probably Chefp was feeling like
a bit of a crackypants that day.

"Peter, you are lamentably undereducated."

"Peter. . . your lack of education is a simple handicap."

<blink>

"[Peter], you're so desperately deficient in education and so astonishingly
lazy. You use terms you simply don't understand as though you know what
you're talking about."

"[Peter], here's [your] post and I'm sorry it makes you look the clown
again. But you're so helpful in providing the source material for it."

<hears laughter in the back of the room. bristles and stamps delicate feets,
causing her petite yet firm and magnificent funbags to go bouncy bouncy>

Hey! You! In the back there. Stop that right now. This is a serious
occasion.

<nibbling on carrot stick and considering>

Okay, so maybe Chefp thought Zero was a bit of a shitbrain. Who doesn't. But
if nothing else, Chefp was an optimist and as an optimist he knew that Zero
could improve himself if only he tried.

"Here are some practice sentences for you, Peter. After a few years of this,
you'll be ready for some classic comic books."
http://tinyurl.com/yr7esn

"Grasp a fact a day and in a few decades, you'll know as much as the average
7th grader."
http://tinyurl.com/27g425

<considering>

Okay, maybe those weren't the best examples. And besides, what's really
important in times like these isn't intellect: it's feeling, being able to
deal with your emotions openly and honestly.

"Peter . . . if for one moment I thought you were even remotely sincere in
any part of this, I'd continue with you."

"Peter, you're simply a phony . . . "

http://tinyurl.com/354puy

<cough>

"This Regency Heroine routine where you press the back of your hand to your
fevered brow is old and wearisome. It finally *always* comes to being
something about you. It's always about you. It's only about you and your
undeserved suffering at the hands of those who don't understand your purity
of intent and clarity of thought. Endless suffering. Endlessly someone
else's doing and someone else's fault. Conspiracies and plots. And the
hubris to imagine yourself to be important enough for people to spend time
and energy to sabotage your trifling efforts."
http://tinyurl.com/26q39m

<uncomfortable silence>

"[Zero's] posts . . . are the delusional rantings of a child and they
always have been."
http://tinyurl.com/36lswa

"Peter . . . if you fling enough crap against a wall, some has to stick.
Nice job on this one. IF you could read, you'd know better."
http://tinyurl.com/354puy

"[Zero is] likely to be talking crap. Just as likely to be a bozo. And when
disagreeing with no corroboration, likely to be zero. And offering the same.
Sound and fury = nothing = zero."

<tapping feet nervously, chews thoughtfully, decides to forge. ahead.>

In conclusion subjects, remember that Chefp was a perfectionist and a
craftsman, and also he knew another craftsman when he saw one.

"Peter has only a hammer. Nothing for subtle adjustments of meaning - just a
blunt instrument for smashing anything he doesn't understand. A Vandal in a
glassworks."

<clears throat>

A craftsman meaning a carpenter, obviously. That's right a carpenter, like
Jesus. Anybody have a problem with that? <glowers>

"Interesting how refuting your ignorance can be suddenly transformed into
elitism. As though you represent some sort of Everyman and anyone who has
actually read a book is condescending to you. In my case, of course, it's
true. But Peter, you don't seem to understand the basic premise here: It's
just you. It's about you. Not others who recognize that empty=empty. Only
you who are crippled and proud."

http://tinyurl.com/24njaa

Okay, now see, carpenters and cripples, it's all making sense now. Because
who cured the crippled? That's right! Jesus!

"Zero is going around the bend again and I'm a tad busy right now. Could
somebody else throw the stick and have him fetch for a while. The creative
genius needs some alternate stimuli, I think. He is once again deluded that
he actually addressed what people have been saying to him. And that he
understands...um, anything."
http://tinyurl.com/2ackwo

<desperately rifling through Bad Kitty Rolodex>

<stops, sighs>

***. *** me. Just *** me. Look, let's just forget the whole thing and
have some CHOCOLATE, k?

<signaling the (Official) Heralds>

<flourish of horns>

<delicately inserts carrot stick in anus and scampers away>

---------------

Saliva <--- The Supreme dRooler of MW & A Respectable Person of SHooz!


"I've taken the liberty of snipping the majority of your post, because you
seem to have me confused with someone who doesn't think you're a fatuous
drooling imbecile with a blackbelt in fuckbrain."

-- Mr. fundoc, to zero, in MW





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