damned muse

It isn't the choice of words, or the structuring of sentences, or the
building of paragraphs that puzzles me. It's definitely something
larger than that. Perhaps something larger than structuring chapters.

Those are details really, technicalities, implementation issues easily
enough dealt with once the real problem is solved. Of course dialog
has always been difficult for me, but once the framework is built that
can be muddled through, revision after revision, until it seems to
work.

It's the damned muse. It keeps nagging me, "Go on, write it" she'll
say, and I seem unable to get her to shut up about it and let me slog
through the other parts of life without her damned interference.

"Go on, write it."

"Well yes bitch, no problem, now what is this 'it' of which you
speak?"

"Go on, write it." Never a fucking clue. I'd like to slag her for
that.

Well, there must be something here. Ah, there's something yonder, a
kind of knot of foggy crap.

"Go on, write it."

Bitch. Nagging ***, go elsewhere and leave me some peace.

"Go on, write it."

Oh, great. No fucking escape.

"Go on, write it." ***! All right, all right, let give me a
moment's peace so I can figure out what "it" might be.

"Go on, write it."

Arrgh! There is definitely something there. A story? I'm no
storyteller, there's the rub. So it can't be a story, can it?

"Go on, write it."

Maybe it's a view, a way of looking at things, maybe it'll just come
out in anything that I write. That's it, that must be it.

"Go on, write it."

But it'll take time. Time, dammit. I've stripped my life to the bone
to get as much time as I can, and there still isn't enough. What if I
spend precious time trying to write this thing, and it turns out crap?

"Go on, write it."

All fucking right, okay, nagging bitch, I'll get on with it. Now,
what shall I make the thing. A novel of some sort, something to be
read for enjoyment, gawd knows there's little enough enjoyment in the
world. What though?

"Go on, write it."

BAH! *** YOU! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! I GIVE UP!

"Go on, write it."

--
Subtlety written subtly can be subtly edited away.
.